


Here's Hoping

by I_am_Eli



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abby Keener - Freeform, Abby Keener Has Asperger's, Abby Keener Has Autism, Aged-Down Tony Stark, Alcohol, Angst, Aromantic Harry Osborn, Asexual Peter Parker, Autistic Character, BAMF Harley Keener, BAMF Harry Osborn, BAMF Peter Parker, Babies, Bisexual Harley Keener, Bisexual Tony Stark, College, Deaf Morgan Stark, Death, Dyslexic Harry Osborn, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Family Feels, Grief/Mourning, Growing Up, Harley Keener Has Anger Issues, Harley Keener is a Good Bro, Harry Osborn Has Dyslexia, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kidnapping, Kids, Lesbian Morgan Stark, Maturity, Molestation, Norman Osborn's A+ parenting, One Night Stands, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Is Hyperactive, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Precious Peter Parker, Protective Harley Keener, Protective Peter Parker, Semi-Suicidal Tony Stark (Near beginning), Skip Westcott Needs His Own Warning, Some fanart, Somewhat Crude Humor, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Torture, Toxic Relationships, bamf abby keener, brain washing, child molestation, male female friendships, protective abby keener, so if this triggers you, teen dad tony stark, then stay away, this story is severely angst, tony stark acting as harry osborn's parental figure, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 42,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27751303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_Eli/pseuds/I_am_Eli
Summary: Tony Stark: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist and... teen dad?Or, the story of how Tony Stark does his best to raise his son and somehow acquires four more children along the way.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Harley Keener & Harry Osborn, Harley Keener & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Harley Keener & Riri Williams, Harley Keener's Sister/Ned Leeds, Harley Keener/Riri Williams, Harry Osborn & Peter Parker, Mary Parker & Tony Stark, Mary Parker/Richard Parker, Mary Parker/Tony Stark, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Morgan Stark/Original Female Characters, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Original Female Character(s), brief - Relationship, small ship - Relationship
Comments: 87
Kudos: 333





	1. Chapter 1

Tony woke up that morning with a splitting headache and a heavy, satisfied feeling in his limbs. Normally he would be enjoying that feeling to his best ability, though the head issue made it difficult for him to focus. Ah, the downside to getting drunk - Hangovers. 

He rolled over, groaning into his pillow, in absolute agony noticing distantly - though unsurprisingly - that he was naked. And that there was someone in his bed. Said someone was snoring rather noisily and causing the pain in his head to increase tenfold. He grabbed his pillow and swatted the mysterious person - who, he noticed, was a woman - and she woke up with a start, hands darting up to cover her eyes, a beam of butter yellow sunlight from the blinds shining directly onto her face. She, too, groaned in agony.

“Oh, fuck...” she said, voice quiet and gravelly from sleep. Despite that, Tony could’ve swore she sounded familiar....

“Tell me about it,” Tony said instead of voicing his previous thought aloud. The woman’s head seemed to perk up slightly when she heard him speak, turning over on her side to face him, the bedsheet pulled up to her collarbones which - he noticed - were covered in hickies. Her hair was in disarray, curly blonde locks going in all different directions and her icy blue eyes were bloodshot, face blotchy, but Tony would recognise her anywhere.

Tony screamed, scrambling away as far as he could get. He immediately regretted the sound of his own voice, the headache arching to a crescendo.

The woman screamed as well. She seemed to regret her life decisions immediately thereafter as well. 

“ _Tony?!_ ” she cried, pulling the sheet farther up, to her chin.

“ _Mary?!_ ”

She looked down, as if just noticing he was naked, before clapping her hands over her eyes and screaming again. 

“For fuck’s sake, Tones, cover up!”

“That’s not what you were saying last night,” Tony joked, though he didn’t remember last night at all. He covered up with the sheet and the quilt for good measure before searching off the side of the bed for his boxers. Once he found them, he slipped them on, before turning back to one of his best - and one of his only - friends. “Okay, you’re good.” 

She uncovered her eyes.

“What the fuck,” she said, not really as a question and more as an all encompassing statement to describe the situation at hand. Tony thought it did so rather well. 

“Real eloquent,” Tony quipped. She scowled at him.

“No, seriously, _what the fuck,_ ” Mary said, running her hands through her hair irritably. “I’m going to assume we slept together.”

“By the state of your neck, I’d assume so.”

“And I’m going to assume we were drunk as all Hell last night.”

“Another astute observation. You really are on a roll today, Miss Fitzpatrick.”

“Be serious, Tony! This is horrible! I _slept with you!_ ” Mary cried.

Tony raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m not quite sure if I should be offended or not, if I’m being perfectly honest.”

“I’m going to be in the school’s gossip mill for months!” she moaned, burying her face in her pillow and, Tony noticed, allowing the bedsheet to slip down. Tony pointedly looked away. 

“Dude, you sleep over here all the time,” Tony said. “And I doubt Rhodes will care, even if he _did_ know we fooled around. Relax.”

“Tony, I have so many hickies people are gonna think I’m a leper. How am I supposed to hide that?!”

“Okay, I know we’re supposed to be having a serious conversation here -”

“Not really, you’ve been about as serious as a clown on crack cocaine-”

“-but did you just reference Grease?”

“ _Focus, Tony!_ ”

“Alright, alright, sorry,” Tony said, holding up his hands in surrender. “Focused. Serious Tony Mode: Activated. Let’s talk this out.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” Tony said. “Now: Hickies can be covered with makeup. You’ll be fine, in that regard, so long as you have it. If not, wear a scarf. Now, as for you being in my room: As I said, we’re friends, everyone knows we’re friends, if they ask you can just tell them you crashed in my dorm again. You’re on the pill, right?” Mary nodded.

“Then, assuming I was a dumbass and forgot to wear a condom - which is doubtful - we should be fine… you don’t have any STDs, do you?”

Mary slapped him upside the head.

“Sorry, had to check… anyway, now that that’s all clear, we should be okay,” Tony said, smiling. “You can calm down now.” Mary took a deep breath, and nodded.

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.

“You’re fine, Mary,” Tony said, chuckling. “Rhodey shouldn’t be up for a while now, so shower’s probably open if you want to take one.” Mary nodded, grabbing the quilt and wearing it across her shoulders like a cape as she walked down the hall to the dorm room’s built-in bathroom. 

Tony, on the other hand, got out of bed - forgoing pants for the time being - and headed toward the kitchenette, where he knew there would be a bottle of Ibuprofen in one of the cabinets. 

Tony loved living away from home. Away from his drunk father and his too-quiet mother, always in the haze of whatever pill had taken her fancy. He’d been at MIT for a year - he had started attending the school when he was fourteen - preparing for when he would one day take over Stark Industries, even though he really didn’t want to. But, like his Uncle Obie always insisted, he would learn to love it.

Tony doubted that. But, Uncle Obie was the only one who really gave a damn about him, so he trusted him for now. 

Tony wondered how his father would react if he knew how his son spent his school days. Sure, he made perfect grades in every class he was in, but what about the frat parties? Or the girls - or, on occasion, boys - he brought back to his dorm? The gossip that oriented around him? Tony thought that the older Stark might just have a stroke. 

Rhodey came out of his bedroom thirty minutes later, after the pain killers had finally started to take effect, making his brain pleasantly fuzzy and the pain in his head going from a sharp stab to a dull, barely noticeable throb. 

Rhodey looked about as bad as Tony had felt, just forty-five minutes earlier. 

“Is the person in the shower from your room or mine?” Rhodey asked through a yawn, heading over to the coffee maker.

“Mine,” Tony said, crossing his arms and leaning his back against the counter. Rhodey did not seem surprised whatsoever that Tony was wearing nothing but boxer shorts. 

“A scrawny fifteen year old has more game than me,” Rhodey said, shaking his head as he stared at the coffee machine with an almost desperate look in his eyes. “A tragedy.”

“You’re only two years older than me, you ass, you can’t say shit,” Tony replied, beginning to wake up more once the smell of coffee invaded the dorm. “And I wasn’t a hookup,” Tony said, remembering Mary’s worries from that morning. “It was just Mary. She crashed in my room again last night.” Rhodey hummed.

“I like that girl,” Rhodey said. “Real smart. She’s in biochem, right?”

Tony nodded, and at that moment Mary stepped out of the bathroom. She was wearing her same jeans from the night before, a little wrinkled from laying on the floor all night, and one of Tony’s t-shirts which, he noticed with distaste, seemed almost too small for her. Was he _really_ that scrawny? 

“Hey, Fitzpatrick,” Rhodey said, pulling three mugs down from the cupboard. “Heard you and Tony was fooling around last night.” Mary went pale, but Tony just rolled his eyes.

“He’s just being a dick,” Tony said, flicking Rhodey as he walked by to get his coffee. “He knows all you did was sleep over.” 

“Right,” Mary said. “‘Cause that’s all I did. Slept over.” 

_Wow,_ Tony said. _And she was worried about_ me _giving it away!_

“Well, would you look at the time,” Tony said, glancing down at a watch that wasn’t on his wrist. “Seems we’re late for lab time. Gotta get going, bye Honeybear, love you!” Tony called and, with that, dragged his friend out into the hallway. 

“You’re a shit actor,” Tony said as soon as the dorm room door was closed. 

“I was nervous,” Mary defended herself. 

“Well, you’re shit under pressure then. You were stammering so much that, if Rhodey weren’t about as oblivious as a rock, I would’ve been worried about him suspecting something.” Mary pouted sadly and crossed her arms across her chest, probably doing her best to guilt trip him. 

_Like that’ll work_ , Tony thought smugly.

“I’m sorry, Tony,” Mary said. “I’ll try more next time, I promise.” Her eyes fell to the floor.

_Fuck, it’s working._

“C’mon, none of that,” Tony said, feeling exceptionally awkward. “We’re _actually_ going to be late to lab if we don’t hurry this up.” Mary grinned triumphantly, knowing she had won, and followed him down towards the lab building. 

  
  
  
  


“Look,” Rhodey said, gesticulating wildly. “I’m just saying, if someone’s going to-”

Tony had long since stopped listening to Rhodey’s Daily Rant, instead choosing to pick at the table. Mary, who was sitting next to him, too looked like she was mainly ignoring Rhodey, nodding where it was appropriate and spacing out the rest of the time. 

Rhodey, Mary and Tony had become friends because they were some of the youngest kids on campus. Rhodey had started college a year ago, when he was sixteen. Mary, too, had started the year before, when she was fifteen. Tony was the youngest of their group, having started the previous year at fourteen.

Tony winced when he remembered his first couple of months at MIT, before he, Rhodey, and Mary had become friends. It had been Hell. He’d felt so lost all the time, stuck in a school full of adults when he had just barely hit puberty. But he’d found his place in the school after becoming friends with Rhodey. Mary had followed not long after. Mary wasn’t nearly as close with Rhodey as she was with Tony, but they could still hold pleasant conversation from time to time. 

A man sat at the table next to them, holding a plate of eggs and bacon. When the smell wafted over to their table, it just made Rhodey and Tony’s stomachs growl, reminding them of how long it had been since they’d last eaten. Mary, on the other hand, looked rather green.

“Mary?” Tony said. “You alright, Princess?” Mary didn’t even admonish him for the nickname. She just scrambled away from the table and ran to the closest bathroom, the door shutting behind her with a rather noticeable _slam!_

“She got the flu or something?” Rhodey asked, looking rather nervous. “I can’t afford to get sick, Tones-”

“Relax, Rhodey, you’ll be fine,” Tony said, waving a hand at him absentmindedly. “Do you think I should go check on her?”

“She’s in the girls’ bathroom, dumbass,” Rhodey said, rolling his eyes. Tony shrugged.

“Wouldn’t be the worst thing the kids on this campus have caught me doing.”

“Fair,” Rhodey said. Tony had just stood from his chair when the door to the girls’ bathroom opened, Mary stepping out. She looked pale, her eyes bloodshot. She was clutching her abdomen. 

“Mary?” Tony said. “You okay?”

Mary nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah, I think I just need to go home...”

“I’ll walk you to your dorm,” Tony said. “Rhodey, can you ask them to make my food to-go?” 

“‘Course,” Rhodey said.

It was a twenty minute walk from the diner to Mary’s dorm room, but they managed. Mary collapsed on her bed as soon as they stepped in, groaning into her pillow. 

“You sick or something?” Tony asked. “Or was it prolonged exposure to my ugly mug that made you puke?” Mary chuckled, and Tony grinned.

“It was the smell of those eggs,” Mary said. “It was just awful.” Tony hummed.

“Maybe your tastes are changing.”

“Maybe,” Mary said. They sat in silence for a moment, before Mary slowly sat up, looking considerably better. “You know… what we did two weeks ago, you know that was only a one time thing, right? That I was - that _we_ were just drunk and not in our right minds?” Tony scoffed.

“Of course I know that,” Tony said. “God, Princess, you’re my best friend, the only reason I was probably _able_ to have sex with you was because I was blackout drunk.” 

“Right,” Mary said. “Just wanted to clear that up. In case there was any… confusion.” Tony rolled his eyes.

“Look,” Tony said. “I love you. And I care about you. You and Rhodey… you’re one of the closest things to family I’ve _got_ . And I don’t know _what_ possessed me into thinking sleeping with you was a good idea, but it’s damn sure not gonna happen again, so don’t worry about it, ‘kay?” Mary smiled, before nodding.

“Okay.”

  
  
  
  


“ _Anthony Edward Stark!_ ” Tony jumped about a foot in the air, rolling off his couch and onto the floor. Rhodey had covered his ears, looking like he wasn’t sure whether to be afraid of whoever was at the door or to laugh at Tony, who was sprawled out on the carpeted floor like a star fish.

“ _Tony! Let me in!_ ”

Tony scrambled to his feet, opening the door. Mary was on the other side, hair in disarray, eyes red and teary, shoulders shaking. She was dressed in an MIT hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. She had no shoes. Her feet were covered in muck.

“Mary? Princess, what’s wrong-”

“You said I had nothing to worry about!” she shouted. “You _said_ so!”

“Mary, I don’t think I’m following here-”

“What am I supposed to do now?! God, what if they expel me for this! What if my parents stop paying for my college?! What do I do then?!”

“Mary-” 

“There goes my future! Down the drain! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK-”

“ _Mary, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!_ ” 

“Of course you don’t,” Mary snapped. “Why would you? I bet you didn’t even give the chance of this happening a second thought. Bet you thought you didn’t have to worry about a thing because Daddy’s money would always save you. _Well it won’t this time!_ ”

Tony glared at her.

“You know that’s not true,” Tony said, trying his best not to raise his voice at his hysterical friend. That wouldn’t help the situation at all. He just had to keep calm…

“Well I bet it is! All you would have to do is call Howard and he’d throw money at all your problems until they went away-!”

“Mary, stop.”

“I bet it’s the same with your mother!” she continued. “God, I bet-”

“ _Mary!_ ” Tony shouted. “You don’t know a damned thing about me _or_ my family. Now, either you tell me what this is about, or get the _fuck_ out of my dorm!”

Mary scowled at him, before shoving a plastic baggy into his hands. Inside the bag was a white stick with a pink cap on the end, and on the screen…

“Congratu-fucking-lations, Tones,” Mary said. “You’re a father.” And with that, she took off down the hall, ignoring the stares of Tony’s neighbors on her.

Tony couldn’t blame her for crying. It would be rather hypocritical of him to do so.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony didn’t see Mary for the next few days. He had looked, oh yes he had looked, but he couldn’t find her anywhere. When he asked her dorm mate where she was, she just scowled at him and told him to mind his own business.

It was almost like Rhodey was babysitting him for the next couple days. He was the one to remind Tony to eat when he was too busy worrying about Mary, he was the one to drag Tony to all his classes, and the one who distracted him when his eyes strayed over to the liquor cabinet. Tony honestly didn’t know what he would do without Rhodey.

“I just don’t know how this happened!” Tony cried despairingly. Rhodey sat up, looking very serious.

“Well, you see Tones, when a man and a woman love each other very much-”

“I understand that bit,” Tony said dryly. “It’s just - she’s on birth control! And I used protection! I think… this- this shouldn’t even be _possible-_ ”

“You know that birth control isn’t always a hundred percent effective,” Rhodey said. “If it was, there would be a lot less accidental pregnancies. Exhibit A: This one.” Tony screamed into a pillow.

“I just don’t know what to do...”

“Talk it out with Mary,” Rhodey said. “It’s the only thing you really _can_ do.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, Honeybear, she’s _nowhere to be found._ ”

“She’ll turn up eventually,” Rhodey said. “That girl’s too serious about her education to be gone for long.”

  
  


And she had turned up. A week later, she turned up on Tony’s doorstep, a grim expression set on her face, only for that to melt into concern when she saw how terrible Tony looked.

“Tony?” Mary said tentatively. Tony slumped, caught somewhere between anger and relief, and smiled at his friend tiredly. 

“Nice to see you again, Princess,” Tony said.

“I think we need to talk.” Tony nodded, and the two stepped into his dorm. They sat on his couch, and Tony turned to her, giving her his full attention. Mary took a deep breath.

“You know my education is very important to me,” she said. “And I know how important yours is too, with your company and all.” Tony nodded. “That’s why I think we need to hash out what we’re going to do from here on out.”

“It’s your decision, Mary,” Tony said. “Whatever you choose, I’ll support you the entire way through-”

“It’s your kid, too, Tones, you get some input as well-”

“I’m not the one that’s gonna have to give birth to it, though,” Tony said. “What are our options?”

“There are three,” Mary said. “We could keep it, find some way for both of us to be involved in it’s life, raise it, and try our damndest.” 

“Option two: We could put it up for adoption. There are lots of parents looking to adopt a child, we could just do that.”

“And option three-”

“Terminate the pregnancy,” Tony finished. “Right?” 

“Right,” Mary confirmed. She sighed.

“Mary...” Tony said slowly. “What do _you_ want to do?”

“Well, I _want_ for this to have never happened in the first place,” Mary said. “I want to go back to the way things were. I don’t want a kid, at least, not yet, and not with you, no offense-”

“None taken.”

“-but it happened,” Mary finished. “It happened, and now I have to deal with it… I don’t want to get an abortion.”

“That’s fine,” Tony said. “That’s fine. There’s still options one and two.”

“Right,” she said. “Should… should we give it up? Do you _want_ to give it up?”

“Does it matter what I want?” Tony asked.

“Absolutely,” Mary said.

“Princess...” he said, at a loss for words for a moment. “Mary, I’m fifteen years old. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know how pregnancy works, or how much money it’ll cost, and I can’t exactly go to my parents for help-”

“If we gave the baby up for adoption...” Mary said, “it could be like it never happened in the first place.”

“ _Will it_ be like that, though?”

“I don’t know,” Mary said quietly. “But… the other option is keeping it, and-”

“We could,” Tony said. “Keep it, I mean. I have money in my savings account. I could get a job, if my dad cuts me off, at least until I inherit the company. We have friends who can help. Your roommate, Rhodey, your parents too, probably-”

“Yeah, but are we really _ready_ for something like this?”

“If we’re gonna have a kid, I’d say we better get ready,” Tony said, shrugging. “There’s… really not much else we _can_ do.”

“Okay,” she said. “Okay, so we keep it. What do we do with it? Where would we put it? We live at a college-”

“An apartment,” Tony said. “I could get us an apartment. Or a house. Somewhere with enough room for the kid. I could buy whatever babies need. I could get a babysitter, or something, for when we’re at school, or we could just take it with us. I have plenty of money in my savings account. Enough for all of us to live comfortably for a few years, until I get the company. And once I do, and I inherit all the money, I could help you pay off your college debts. If you wanted to live somewhere else, I could help you get settled-”

“I’m not going to use you for your money,” Mary said.

“You’re having my kid, it’s really the least I could do,” Tony said. He looked worried, for a moment. “You _are_ a hundred percent sure it’s mine, right?” Mary nodded resolutely. 

“Positive.”

“Okay, then you’re taking the damn money.” Mary frowned.

“We’ll talk about this more later on,” she decided. 

“Have you been to the doctor? Gotten a blood test or an ultrasound and all that?”

“Not yet,” Mary said. “I set up an appointment this morning, though. To make sure everything’s alright with it.”

“... we should probably stop calling it an ‘it’.”

“But you just did.”

“And I’m going to stop… what do you think the kid is, anyway? Like, boy or girl?”

“Fuck if I know,” Mary said helplessly.

“We should probably stop cursing, right?”

“The baby isn’t exactly going to be able to hear us, Tones,” Mary said.

“I mean, yeah, obviously, but we should get into the habit of _not_ cursing so much. For when the kid’s born.”

“I guess,” Mary said contemplatively. She sighed. “We’re way in over our head, aren’t we?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Tony said. “But… I think it’s gonna be okay. Yeah. It’s gonna all turn out okay.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Well, I’m not,” Tony admitted. “Call it naive hope I guess. But… it _has_ to be okay, y’know? I mean, it’s all gonna turn out alright in the end… eventually. I hope.”

“Here’s hoping.”

“I mean, worst comes to worst, kid ends up being a serial killer. And really, there’s gonna be conspiracies like that about the kid anyway, he’s _mine-_ ”

“Stop tempting fate,” Mary said. “Wait… you said ‘he’. Do you think it’s gonna be a boy?” Mary asked.

“Um. No. I just said ‘he’ as a sort of all-encompassing term… like, an either or kinda thing.”

“That’s kinda sexist.”

“Let’s not start that conversation.”

“Yeah, good idea.” 

“Okay, there’s going to be conspiracies about the kid because _they’re_ mine. Better?” 

“Yeah,” Mary said. “I mean, that is the gender neutral term for if you don’t know for sure-”

“Yes, yes, I know, it was a slip of the tongue, let’s get over it,” Tony said, hands flapping around irritably. “How far along are you?”

“When did we fuck?”

“Wow, vulgar much?”

“Says the womanizer,” Mary said dryly. “Probably about three and a half weeks.”

Tony’s face suddenly took on an anxious quality.

“How are we going to tell our parents?” he asked. His voice sounded weak and strained.

“My parents will be mad, but they’ll probably want to help us out,” Mary said, tapping her chin contemplatively. “Your dad doesn’t have another heir, and they’re really too old to have more children, so he can’t do shi- er, anything.”

“Except yell at me for hours, remind me how much of a useless piece of trash I am-”

“You’re not useless or a piece of trash.”

“Tell that to my father,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “I could get away with just not telling him, I suppose...”

“Wouldn’t that make it worse, though?”

“Maybe not, if the public knew first,” Tony said. “I could threaten him, tell him I’ll go to the press if he tries anything… Yeah, we’ll just have to wait until the baby’s born. I can’t guarantee their safety if we tell him beforehand.” Mary went pale at that.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“It means,” Tony explained, “that my father is a very powerful, very important man who has a near spotless reputation, even if he is a horrible person. Do you think he wants the heir to his company being a teen dad? Let me answer that for you: Hel- er, heck no.

“So, if he didn’t want that baby being born… the baby’s not gonna be born,” Tony finished, a resigned expression on his face. Mary looked like she might just faint.

“Hey, it’s all gonna be alright, okay? It’s all gonna be alright. I’m gonna take care of it...” Tony sighed. “We have to limit the number of people we tell this to.”

“Right,” Mary said. “Of course. So that’s my parents.”

“And Rhodey,” Tony added. “And… that’s about it, I guess.”

“So, assuming the baby comes out when it’s supposed to-”

“Then it’s probably due sometime during the summer.”

“Which means no one else at the school even has to know!”

“Exactly,” Tony said. “You can just tell them you’re gaining weight or something, if they’re rude enough to ask. Happens to loads of college students. Could also wear baggier clothing.”

“And by the time we come back for fall semester-”

“The baby will be born. The press will know. My father wouldn’t be able to do a thing about it.”

“And we’ll have an apartment...”

“Or a house...”

“Or we could live with Rhodey’s family, or yours, if it came to it.”

“Do we have… a basic plan?”

“Why, yes, I do believe we do, surprising as it may be!” 

“Real shocker, that.” They dissolved into a fit of giggles, the stress of their future forgotten, if only for a mere moment. 

The laughter ended far too soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment!


	3. Chapter 3

It was easy to hide the pregnancy. Mary wore baggy clothing and hoodies, like they’d discussed. She started being much more careful in the lab. She went to every appointment and took all her medicine when she was supposed to take it, reminders queued up on her phone for when she should take this vitamin or this pill.

Tony, too, started to act more responsibly, on some subconscious level. He’d stopped going out to parties, stopped getting drunk, didn’t have as many one night stands, and he, too, started behaving more responsibly in the lab. His professors and his peers were all gobsmacked by his sudden responsible behavior.

Tony couldn’t go to any of Mary’s doctor’s appointments personally - something that peeved him to no end - but he could offer support in just about everything else. He brought her her favorite breakfast every other morning, gave her cash to pay for her appointments and medications, and, when she started having odd cravings, he got them for her. Which mainly consisted of salted lemons.

Mary had also taken to sleeping over at Tony’s dorm more, which meant Tony ended up sleeping on the couch or - on rare occasions - in Rhodey’s bedroom should Mary decide to hijack his bed.

Rhodey thought it was fucking hilarious.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry it’s just-” Their older friend wheezed, clutching at his ribs as he cackled. “It’s just- spoiled little rich boy is getting bossed around by his baby momma-”

He got whacked in the head with newspapers a lot for his comments.

They ended up driving a couple states over to Mary’s parents’ house two weeks later, when Mary was in her second month of pregnancy. Mary was terrified, Tony couldn’t stop fidgeting, and they had to stop twice because Mary became sick.

They ended up having to drive four hours to get to Mary’s family home. Tony wore sunglasses, a hoodie and a baseball cap walking up to the house, worried about someone recognising him and alerting the press. He was not in the mood for that shit show.

It took Mary five minutes to finally muster up the courage to knock. Tony didn’t rush her, even if his legs were aching from sitting in the car for so long and he really wanted to sit down.

The person who answered was Mary’s mother, a woman with brown hair that was graying at the temples and a kind, easygoing nature. Her eyes were a deep chocolate brown, and there were smile lines around her mouth and crows feet at the corners of her eyes. Tony almost couldn’t believe that this was Mary’s mother. They looked absolutely nothing alike.

Then Mary’s father showed up, and Tony knew where she had gotten her appearance from.

His hair was salt and pepper, but Tony could tell it had once been blonde. It was curly and thick, just like Mary’s, looking like it was trying to go in all directions even with the liberal amount of gel the man had clearly used. His skin was dark with tan, and his eyes were an icy blue. It would’ve looked intimidating on anyone else, but this man just looked like the stereotypical Fun Uncle.

“Mary!” Mary’s mother cried, clearly surprised. “I didn’t expect you to be visiting so soon!”

Mary shrugged, looking like she was going to be sick all over again. Tony took her hand and rubbed at her knuckles. He hoped her parents didn’t notice.

“Figured it was as good a time as any,” Mary said, shrugging. Her father grinned.

“Well, we’re glad to see you! And you’ve brought a guest,” he said, turning to Tony. “What’s your name, son?”

“Uh, Tony. Name’s Tony. I’m a friend of your daughter’s, we go to MIT together.” He rocked back and forth on his heels awkwardly for a moment, before abruptly sticking his hand out. “Pleasure to meet you, sir.” The man shook it, smiling warmly.

“Pleasure’s all mine,” he said. “Well, you must come in! It’s beginning to get dark! If you could leave your shoes by the front door, Tony… yes, right there, thank you...”

They walked into the house. It was cosy. The walls were painted a light yellow, and the floor was soft carpeting. It felt warm and inviting. Not at all like the chill that seemed to emanate from the mansion, no matter where you went.

The two led them toward the kitchen.

“We were just about to eat dinner,” Mary’s mother, who had introduced herself as Sue, explained. “There should be enough for you as well, if you’re hungry.” Tony and Mary shook their heads. They were far too nervous to eat.

Mary’s father, David, sat down with his food, and the two adults said grace. Even though he wasn’t one for religion, Tony, too, bowed his head respectfully. Once they were done praying, David and Sue dug into their food, making chit-chat with the two across from them.

“So,” David said, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin. “Not that I’m not happy to see my baby girl and all, but I imagine you have a reason for visiting.” He glanced between the two, a knowing expression on his face.

He probably thinks we’re dating, Tony realised. Boy is he in for a shock.

“Yeah, you’d be right about that,” Mary said, voice sounding scratchy. She cleared her throat. “Mom, Dad...” She trailed off, and her parents began to look nervous.

“What is it, sweetheart? What do you want to tell us?” Sue asked.

“It’s… um...” She took a deep breath, and looked at them head-on, face determined. “I’m pregnant.” Both parents froze. They didn’t even blink, and Tony was sure that the two were barely even breathing. He tugged at the collar of his shirt uncomfortably. The atmosphere in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife.

“You’re pregnant,” David finally said. Mary nodded, looking tearful.

“Who… who’s the father?” Neither of the teenagers said anything. David turned to Tony, an accusatory look on his previously warm face. “It’s you, isn’t it.”

Tony nodded.

“Are you dating my daughter? Are you going to marry her? How are you two supposed to provide for the baby?” Sue asked, shooting out questions like rapid fire.

“No, I’m not dating your daughter.” David looked like he was going to faint. “And no, we’re not getting married. We’re just friends. And I have more than enough money for us to provide for the baby, so that’s not an issue.”

“You’re teenagers!” David yelled. “You don’t know the first thing about children, or how to take care of one! How are you planning on doing this?! Huh?! How old are you?!”

“I’m fifteen,” Tony said. David almost did faint then, but Mary grabbed his arm, keeping him upright. “Mary’s turning seventeen soon. I’ll be turning sixteen around the time the baby is due. That would mean we’re both old enough to act as legal adults, should the courts and such agree, and we can get a place to live.”

“That is a horrible plan!” David shouted. “How are you supposed to support yourselves and this hypothetical place to live?!”

“I’m… fairly well off,” Tony said. Mary snorted. “I’ll be able to support both us and the baby.”

David was red in the face, and it looked like his head was about to explode.

“You- you can’t just-”

“David,” Sue said. “We won’t get anywhere by yelling. Let’s just have a calm, reasonable discussion-”

“Reasonable discussion?” David said, looking flabbergasted. There was a vein throbbing in his temple. Tony honestly wouldn’t have taken him for the type to have anger issues. “This- this hooligan impregnates our daughter and you expect me to handle this with a calm discussion?!”

“David,” Sue said. “You’re understandably angry. But now is not the time to yell.” David’s face twisted up into a scowl, but he said nothing more. “Now, Tony,” Sue said, turning to him. “Do you want to provide for this baby? Are you going to provide for it?”

“Of course!” Tony said, slightly scandalised. Even if he hadn’t wanted to be in the child’s life, he still would’ve provided for it - would’ve sent money, at the very least. “I mean, it’s the least I can do, given this situation is partly my fault anyway.” David seemed less red in the face after that omission, though it was clear it wouldn’t take much for him to start shouting again. Sue nodded, before glancing at her watch and sighing wearily.

“It’s late, and I’m sure you’re tired from the drive here,” Sue said. After she said it, Tony started to notice the heaviness that had settled in his bones and how utterly exhausted he felt. “Why don’t you two go to bed, and we can discuss this further in the morning.”

“Seperate bedrooms!” David added. Without further prompting, the two headed upstairs, not wanting to face more of David Fitzpatrick’s wrath.

Tony lay in the guest bedroom, staring up at the ceiling. It was a popcorn ceiling, rough to the touch and quite interesting to stare at, to try and discern all of the patterns in the sheet rock.

The sheets were soft cotton and the bed was comfortable but, despite his exhaustion, Tony couldn’t seem to go to sleep. It was like every time he started to drift off something poked him between the eyes, forcing him awake again. At this rate he wouldn’t get any sleep at all…

He sighed, standing up from his bed, taking his pillow and his blanket with him as he crept down the hall.

When he opened the door, Mary looked up at him, eyes glazed and seemed to sag in relief after seeing him there. Tony smiled.

“Hey, Princess,” he said, leaning against the doorframe. “Er… do you mind if I crash here for the night? I just can’t seem to sleep...” Mary nodded, not saying a word as she turned on her side. Tony settled down on the floor, wrapping himself up in the blanket and beating the pillow with his fist to make it more comfortable.

“Are you okay, Mary?” Tony asked into the darkness. Mary didn’t answer and, for a moment, Tony thought she may be asleep.

“I don’t know why I feel so bad,” Mary said. “I mean, it’s nothing less than what I was expecting. They’re upset for a very good reason, and I figured that they’d be angry but...”

“Doesn’t make you feel any better when you know they’re upset or disappointed in you,” Tony stated knowingly.

“Yeah,” Mary said. “Yeah, exactly.”

“Look, I’m not the best with… parents, or relationships with parents but...” He swallowed. “If they love you, if they really love you, then they’ll stop being angry sooner or later. And do you wanna know why they got angry in the first place? Because they love and care about you, and your wellbeing.”

A little voice in his head said, Then why hasn’t your father stopped being angry with you?

Shut up, Tony shot back, scowling.

“Thank you, Tones,” Mary said, smiling.

“Isn’t a thing you need to be thanking me for,” Tony said snarkily. “It’s called common human decency. Now, I know there are many people who will tell you otherwise, but I do have it-”

“Tony,” Mary said, before his rambling could go on further. “I mean it. Thank you.” Tony rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“It’s nothing.”

“Not to me,” Mary said. Tony heard the bed shift, and he wondered if she was laying on her back, staring up at the popcorn ceiling, like he had been earlier. “Do you want it to be a boy or a girl?” Mary asked unexpectedly. Tony blinked at the sudden topic change.

“I don’t think it matters what I want,” Tony finally said. “Kid’s gonna come out with whatever equipment they got, regardless of my preference on the matter.”

“I hope it’s a girl,” Mary said thoughtfully. “Though I probably wouldn’t mind much if it wasn’t.”

“Yeah,” Tony admitted. “Yeah, I was kinda hoping they’ll be a girl too.” Mary chuckled.

“What?” she said. “No big strong male heir for your company?”

Tony frowned at her.

“You know I don’t care about that shit,” Tony said. “Besides, even if it was a girl, it wouldn't make her any less qualified to run the company.”

“That was rather unexpected, I must admit,” Mary stated.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tony asked, sitting up on his elbows and looking at her imploringly.

“Y’know, with how you are with girls and everything...” Tony fixed her with a deadpan look.

“I’m a womanizer, not a misogynist.”

“I know,” Mary said, and Tony could hear the smile in her voice. “You’re too nice to be one.”

“I’m sorry, nice?” Tony said incredulously. “I am the future CEO of Stark Industries which is, might I add, the largest, most powerful weapons’ company in the world! I am feared, I am respected, I am-”

“Tony, you’re 5’6, you wear hoodies more often than not, and you’re one of the kindest people I know. You’re like a puppy.”

Tony squawked indignantly, sounding closer to a pelican than a puppy.

“I’m not 5’6,” Tony muttered after Mary had stopped stifling her laughter in her pillow. “I’m 5’7. And I just hit a growth spurt. Plus, you can’t even talk, because I’m still a couple inches taller than you. So ha.” That just seemed to make Mary laugh more, however, and soon Tony was hiding his own smile behind his hand.

Yeah, Tony hoped the baby was a girl.

Besides, it would just be an extra kick in the face for Howard if he saw a woman leading his company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment!!


	4. Chapter 4

The talk with Mary’s parents had been uncomfortably awkward. Her mother had asked rather _detailed_ questions about her doctors’ appointments and her health that made Tony want to cut his ears off, and David had glared at him the entire time, icy blue eyes boring into him. 

That had been two months ago. Mary was not in her fourth month of pregnancy - or Hell, as she had deemed it - and her belly had gotten more pronounced, though it was still nothing that couldn’t be hidden by baggy clothing. 

Mary had started crashing in Tony’s room every night, which meant Tony took up permanent residence on the couch. Rhodey still thought it was comical, and he was woken every morning by his laughter when he saw him sleeping on the couch. Only to be silenced when Tony threw whatever blunt object was closest at him. It was a good alarm clock, at least.

Tony was a little nervous, as Mary had told him the baby had yet to start kicking or moving around as much, but the doctor had told her that was perfectly normal so Tony decided to just go with what the medical professional said. He was an engineer - well, studying to be one - not a physician. 

Tony had also had a lot of conflicting emotions since finding out Mary was pregnant. His mindset seemed to switch between trying to be as supportive towards her and the baby as possible and being terrified out of his mind. One minute he was thinking about clothes for the baby, the next he was breathing into a paper bag. He was a mess, in short, and Mary was probably worse off than him though she barely showed it.

And so, what does Tony Stark do when he’s nervous? He learns as much as he can.

Which is how he ends up in a bookshop with Rhodey on a weekend, donned in a wig and a fake mustache, buying as many parenting books as he can carry while Rhodey starts giggling quietly at random intervals. 

He spent the rest of the weekend with Mary, locked in his dorm room reading parenting books so that they can learn more about how pregnancy and babies work, each with an expression of morbid fascination on their faces. Rhodey even read with them too, for a little bit, even if it wasn’t his kid (though Tony was determined to get his child to call Rhodey Uncle Platypus at some point). 

“The human body is disgusting,” Tony finally decided after reading a chapter about the birthing process. “Like, actually vile. It’s a wonder people _willingly_ birth out children.”

“Really,” Mary said, stretching out on the floor of the dorm’s living room, book resting open on her belly. “It’s horrifying.”

“And sounds ridiculously painful,” Tony adds.

“Yeah, no shit,” Mary said dryly. 

“Y’all do realise you’re gonna have to go through this in five-or-so months, right?” Both of their faces went pale, as if they had forgotten why they were reading these books in the first place. “Unbelievable,” Rhodey said exasperatedly, going back to flipping through his book.

“Well, technically you’ll have to go through it too,” Tony pointed out. “You know you’ll be roped into babysitting the brat at one point or another.”

Rhodey snorted. 

“Maybe you should take care not to refer to your spawn as ‘the brat’.”

“Maybe you should take care not to refer to _your_ nephew as ‘spawn’.”

“That child is _not_ my nephew-”

“That’s what _you_ think-”

“What does that even mean-”

Mary watched them bicker, an expression of amusement on her face. You would never guess they were a couple of the smartest kids in the country if you didn’t know them. 

“Idiotic geniuses,” she said affectionately. 

“Takes one to know one!” Tony snipped back, pulled out of his conversation with Rhodey. 

Mary rolled her eyes, turning back to her parenting book.

  
  


The baby started kicking a few weeks later, when Mary was in her twentieth week of pregnancy. 

She and Tony were studying for their respective fall finals, each taking dozens of pages of notes for future reference to go over later, as well as making flash cards while they studied. Each was determined to make no less than a perfect score on the test. Tony because he had to, his father being how he was, and Mary because she simply loved the challenge of it. 

Tony was sprawled out on the floor while Mary sat on the couch, using the coffee as a desk to do her writing on. It was times like these that Mary appreciated how wealthy Tony’s family was. Seriously, who needed a _couch_ in a _dorm room?_

At first, Mary had ignored the kicking, having figured it was just her stomach growling or something. It was like a barely there flutter, at first, until she really felt it, not quite painful but not overly pleasant either. That didn’t shadow her wonderment over the entire situation, however.

“OH MY GOD!” she screamed, papers flying everywhere as she sat up quickly. Tony, too, sat up quickly, pencils rolling everywhere and books toppling.

“What?!” he cried. “Is it the baby?! Are you okay?! Are you going into labor?! Is that even possible?! Is it a spider?! Because if it’s a spider then you’re gonna have to get Rhodey because I am _not_ going near it-!”

“The baby kicked!” she said, icy blue eyes round as saucers. “It actually kicked, Tones!”

Tony’s mouth fell open.

“It kicked?!”

“It kicked!”

“Holy fucking-” He ran over, tripping over himself as he did, and sat next to her on the couch, hands reaching out towards her belly, only to stop suddenly an inch or so away. “Um, may I?” Mary nodded and grabbed his wrist, placing his palm on the swell of her belly. There was nothing, at first, until she felt it again - a small flutter, only to become a sharp jab somewhere in her stomach. Tony looked like he was going to pass out.

“Was - was that a kick?” he asked breathily. “Or was that just indigestion or something, I heard that’s fairly normal with pregnancies-” Mary whacked him playfully.

“Brat,” she said. “But it was a kick! An _actual_ kick! How crazy is that?!”

“Insane!” Tony said, voice equally as excited. “Wow.”

“Wow, what?” Mary asked.

“There’s… there’s an actual, real life child in my best friend’s belly. And the child is _mine._ Holy mother of God-”

“Well, I figured you’d realised that by now, you’ve only known for five months-”

“That- that’s different,” Tony insisted. “This- this is _real._ This is actually happening. I’m gonna have a kid soon. And I’m _still_ a kid. I guess it didn’t fully hit me until now, but-” This time, he really _did_ look like he was going to pass out, and Mary got a little worried.

“It’s gonna be okay, Tony,” Mary said. “It’s gonna turn out okay. I promise.”

“You don’t know that,” Tony said, suddenly looking very tired. 

“Except I do,” Mary insisted. “It might not look so good right now, but it _will_ turn out alright in the end. We just have to hope for the best.”

Tony sighed.

“Here’s hoping.”

They both chuckled.

“Y’know...” Tony said thoughtfully. “We never really thought of any names, did we?” Mary frowned.

“Yeah, you’re right. We didn’t...”

“Well, what do you want to name them?” Mary hummed.

“I always liked the name Abby. If it were a girl. Or Morgan.”

“I used to have a cousin named Morgan,” Tony said absentmindedly. “Real nut job. But Abby’s nice. Just Abby, or short for Abigail?”

“Just Abby,” Mary said. 

“Any ideas for a boy’s name?” Tony asked.

“Well… not really. Any suggestions?”

“Edwin,” Tony said immediately. 

“Absolutely not.”

“C’mon, Princess, it’s my butler’s first name!”

“Tones, do you _want_ our kid to be bullied his entire life?” 

“Edwin’s not a bad name...” Tony defended. “It’s a strong name! Besides, it’s kinda a tradition in my family to name your kid after some other person in the family. Usually a middle name. And you know how close I am to Jarvis, and how sick he’s been getting...” Tony’s eyes took on a rather glassy quality, for a moment, before he wiped at them quickly and continued on with their conversation. “I just thought it’d be nice.”

“Maybe as a middle name,” Mary said.

“That’s fair,” Tony relented. “But what of the first name...”

“James?” Mary suggested.

“After Rhodey?”

“After Rhodey.”

“He’d start bawling,” Tony said, a gleeful expression on his face, before it turned slightly sour. “But James Edwin Fitzpatrick-Stark? Nah, doesn’t have a very good ring to it.”

“What about... Peter?” Mary suggested. 

“Peter Edwin Fitzpatrick-Stark? Sounds okay...”

“Or,” Mary said. “Peter Edwin James Fitzpatrick-Stark.”

“Two middle names?” Tony said incredulously, even as something warm settled in his chest at the sound of it. “Doesn’t that seem a little excessive?”

“I mean, not really,” Mary said. “People give their kids two middle names all the time. Or no middle names at all. Shouldn’t affect them much, assuming they turn out to be a boy.”

“Okay then,” Tony said. “Peter Edwin James Fitzpatrick-Stark… I like it.”

“And for the girl… Abby Maria Fitzpatrick-Stark.”

“No,” Tony said, voice bitter. “That’s my mother’s name. Pick something else.”

“Okay… Abby Marie Fitzpatrick-Stark.” Tony grinned broadly. 

“Much better,” he said. He grabbed one of Mary’s pencils off of the table and a scrap of paper, wrote down the names PETER EDWIN JAMES FITZPATRICK-STARK and ABBY MARIE FITZPATRICK-STARK before grabbing a tack and sticking it to the wall.

“Just in case,” he said at Mary’s questioning look. “In case we forget. Or something. Might be nice to have it written down somewhere.” Mary nodded; that was fair. 

“Well, Abby or Peter,” Tony said, placing his hands back on her belly, almost reverently. “Boy or girl, you are going to be a _very_ awesome kid.”

“Of course they will be,” Mary said snarkily. “They’re mine.” Tony chuckled, and the two went back to their studying, Tony’s grin never falling from his face. Peter or Abby. He liked it.

_Lord, I just hope I don’t fuck this up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment! (also, yes I know the name Peter Edwin James Fitzpatrick-Stark is a bit silly but be mindful that these are teenagers aged 15 and 16. They're not gonna be great at naming things.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and so, the angst begins.

As Mary’s pregnancy progressed and became more and more noticeable and more difficult to hide, the woman herself became harder to deal with.

Mary was just a few days away from her eighth month of pregnancy. And Tony felt like ripping his hair out.

It was always something. It was either the mood swings, or she was hungry, or she was yelling at him because the baby - which they still didn’t know the gender of, instead wanting it to be a surprise - was sitting on her bladder or wouldn’t stop kicking. And then there were the foot rubs. Tony didn’t even like thinking about those.

Tony complained about this to Rhodey often - when Mary was out of the dorm room, of course, because he didn’t feel like getting his throat ripped out.

“You got yourself stuck in this mess, Tones,” Rhodey said, flipping through a comic book. “Isn’t anyone’s fault but your own.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Tony snapped, dragging his hands down his face. “I mean. It’s just- Good Lord, I wish the kid would be born already so that I didn’t have to deal with this bullshit.”

Rhodey glared at him.

“I know, I know, it’s not her fault, she’s going through a lot right now - finals stress, doctors’ appointments, hormones, all that but… God, Rhodey, I’m dealing with my own shit too, y’know?”

“Is it the finals stress or...”

“Or,” Tony said simply.

“Oh. Tony, I’m sorry, man-”

“Don’t apologise,” Tony said, frowning. “I hate it when you apologise for no reason. Besides, it doesn’t matter. I can deal with him later. Mary and the baby have to be my main priority as of right now. You know that. I just wish...”

“Yeah?”

“Nothing,” Tony said, far too quickly. “God, this is a mess.”

“I know, man,” Rhodey said. “It’ll be worth it in the end, though. You’ll have a happy, healthy kid in just a few months! How ‘bout that?”

Tony nodded, smiling at his friend. There was that.

Except it hadn’t come to be.

It hadn’t been sudden. It had been slow, and horribly obvious, even if they hadn’t seen it. How had they not seen it? How had Tony not seen it?

The fever, the chills, the loss of appetite. Tony should’ve made her go to the doctor, just for that.

How could he be so stupid? So ignorant?

Mary had fallen ill over the next couple weeks.

Pneumonia, the doctors had said. The doctors had said it was pneumonia, though they didn’t seem so sure of that fact themselves. It looked like pneumonia - fever, chills, breathing issues, fluid in the lungs. But it was so much worse than normal pneumonia… To the point that, when Mary got to the hospital, she hardly had the energy to move. Pneumonia wasn’t supposed to have such a negative effect on people who had been healthy.

Mary needed heavy duty antibiotics. She needed painkillers, and medications, and possibly even a chest tube. She needed to be put in the ICU under observation. Most of the antibiotics they’d have her take were completely experimental. No telling how it would affect the infection in her lungs, and no telling how much it would hurt the baby. Because it wasn’t a ‘if’ it would hurt the baby. It was a ‘how much’.

They learned this, the both of them, sitting in a hospital bed. Mary was exhausted, hair limp with sweat and face pale and tear streaked from pain. Her breathing was rattling. Tony sat next to her, on the hospital bed, arms curled around her, chin resting on top of her head. Her icy blue eyes were dull.

“You kids have two options,” the doctor said. “You can either continue on with Ms. Fitzpatrick’s treatment - which could cause unpredictable risks to the fetus, varying in severity… or we could deliver the baby now, via c-section, and continue with her treatment afterwards.” Mary wouldn’t need a signature from her parents. They’d forfeited all rights over her and a judge had deemed her responsible enough to have the responsibilities of a legal adult. No waiting for Sue and David.

Tony had no doubt, however, that they had already been called. They were probably already on their way. He would more than likely see them in a few hours.

The thought didn’t exactly fill him with happiness.

“What would happen if we just… if we just waited?” Tony asked, trying to keep his voice steady - and probably failing. “I-if we just waited until the baby was due? And then started treatment afterward?” It sounded stupid even to him. The baby was due in a month. Tony knew what the doctor would say even before he opened his mouth.

“We can’t wait that long,” the doctor explained, straightening the lapels of his coat. “If we do, both mother and infant will die. You need to make a decision, and soon.” Tony frowned.

Mary was too weak for a c-section. That much was apparent. She could die on the operating table, and then the baby would still be several weeks premature. That shortened the baby’s chances of living healthily considerably.

But if they went the treatment route… Mary could get better, but the medicine would harm the baby. Possibly to the point of miscarriage. How were they supposed to make that decision? He was only sixteen - his birthday had been a few days prior - and Mary was seventeen. They were just kids.

“Princess?” he murmured, grabbing her attention. She turned hazy eyes onto him. “I-I’m gonna need your input here, Mary. I-” He swallowed. “I’ve got no idea what to do...”

Mary looked at the doctor.

“C-Section,” she said. “I want a C-section. After the baby’s out-” she coughed, and it sounded almost painful. “Then - then you can start… treatment...”

“Ms. Fitzpatrick, I need to know if you’re sure,” the doctor insisted. “This could be a potentially dangerous procedure, not to be taken lightly-”

“If it gives the baby a chance, then so be it,” Mary said.

“Princess-”

“No, Tony,” Mary said. “This… this is what I want.” She turned to the doctor. “You said it was b-bad?” The doctor nodded. “So, e-even if I were to accept treatment n-now-” She took a deep, rattling breath. “I still might not… make it?” The doctor said nothing, only regarded her sadly. “There’s a better chance for at least one of us making it if we do the c-section, Tones.”

“Mary...”

“Tony, I don’t want you to be all alone,” Mary said. “I know that if- if both of us were to go-”

“No, no!” Tony said urgently. “Don’t- don’t think about me. Think about what you want! Think about what’s best for you!”

“This is what I want, Tones,” Mary said. “I couldn’t leave you here all by yourself…. Rhodey would look after you, but...” She patted her belly weakly. “We gotta think about the baby now, okay? We gotta… we gotta think about them...”

“Princess, you’re not in your right mind-”

“My mind is crystal clear, Tones,” Mary said. “I know what I want. Okay? I know how I want this to go. Doc, I want you to go through with the c-section.” She blinked at them blearily. “A-and… T-Tony...”

“What? What is it?” Tony asked, blinking rapidly.

“If… if I don’t make it through the surgery...” She breathed in a small, shaky breath. It almost sounded like there was fluid in her lungs. “Look after our little boy, o-okay?” Her eyes slipped closed. Tony blinked.

“M-Mary?” he said, tapping her shoulder. “Mary-? Mary!”

“She’s fine, son,” the doctor said, checking her vitals. “She’s under a lot of strain. She’s resting.” He grabbed his clipboards, sweeping away from the room. “I’ll go get an OR ready for your friend. Sit tight.”

Tony felt like his ribcage was constricting, like a tightly coiled snake was wrapping around it, ever so slowly, tighter and tighter…

He wanted to scream.

He wanted to cry.

He wanted to break something, to run away, to down a bottle of rum and pass out in his dorm.

He didn’t.

“Mary,” he said instead, “you aren’t allowed to leave me, okay? You can’t leave me- I-I’m gonna need your help, with the baby, won’t I? Hmm?” His hands fell into his lap. “I-I can’t do all this without you, Mary, okay? I can’t… so you gotta be okay for me. For me and that baby in your belly. If not for me, then for them… or him, I guess.” He sniffed.

He wanted to say more.

There were so many more things he wanted, no needed, to say.

He needed to say goodbye. Just in case. To her. To the baby. Who, if Mary was right - and Tony suspected she may be - was a boy. His son. Peter Edwin James Fitzpatrick-Stark. The name didn’t make him feel very warm and fuzzy anymore.

Would he be able to look at the baby, when it was born?

Would he be able to hold it?

Would he be able to go to Mary’s funeral? Would he even be allowed at her funeral?

Would his father let him keep the baby, should Mary die? Would Sue and David? Would the baby even love him? Would he be able to love the baby, or would he see Mary every time he looked at it?

“Stay with me,” Tony whispered hoarsely as a nurse pushed him out of the room.

Please stay with me.

Tony called Rhodey after Mary was whisked away to surgery, and explained what had happened.

There was a thirty minute distance between their university and the hospital. That was by car.

Rhodey had ran, and he’d arrived in fifteen.

As soon as he arrived at the hospital, the older boy pulled Tony into a rough hug. Tony didn’t mind. He just let his head rest on Rhodey’s shoulder and tried to remember to breathe.

His baby. His best friend. He could lose both by the end of the day.

He wanted to be sick. He just held onto Rhodey tighter.

“It’s gonna be okay, man,” Rhodey said into his hair. “It’s gonna be okay. They’re gonna be okay.”

“Here’s hoping,” Tony said quietly, voice thick.

No one laughed that time.

Sue and David offered their home to him, and the baby. Should the baby live. At least for the summer, before he had to go back to MIT.

Tony had thanked them.

The atmosphere in the waiting room was thick enough to cut with a knife. Sue and David sat on one side of the living room, while Tony and Rhodey sat on the other. Rhodey had his arm wrapped around his younger friend’s shoulders, and Tony had his face buried in his hands, not daring to look up once he sat down. As if he thought, if he didn’t look up, then it would make the situation less real.

It didn’t work.

A nurse walked up to them with news four hours later.

The baby was in the NICU. It was a boy, like Mary had said. The baby couldn’t breathe on his own and had to have a respirator. The baby was too tiny. It’s organs were underdeveloped. It was frail, fragile. Even if he did survive, he’d have breathing problems for the rest of his life, and his growth would be stunted.

If. If he survived.

The nurse said it all rather bluntly, leaving no room for false hope or confusion.

The baby had only a slim chance of surviving the night.

Unless his condition improved drastically, he had an even slimmer chance of surviving the week.

Mary’s lungs had collapsed during the surgery. They’d had to rush to get the baby out so they could tend to her. They’d made a mistake - hit a vessel. She had lost a lot of blood. The doctors had placed her in a medically induced coma, to help her cope with the pain. Her chances were as slim as their baby’s.

And Tony came to two realizations, simultaneously, right there in that waiting room.

He would never have a relationship with his son.

He was going to lose his best friend.

He had lied to his best friend. He had said it would be okay. And it wasn’t. It wasn’t.

Here’s hoping.

Rhodey caught him as his legs gave out.

Rhodey hugged him as he screamed. In anger, in despair, in anguish, no one could tell. He just screamed.

Rhodey pet his hair as he sobbed, even as his own shoulders shook.

Tony, distantly, heard a woman’s hitching breath. He didn’t register it.

He couldn’t.

“I-it’s n-n-not okay…. I-it’s not o-o-okay!”

“I know, Tones… I know...”

Hope never helped him anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment!


	6. Chapter 6

He went to see Mary, before he saw the baby. She was in the ICU, hooked up to so many tubes they practically covered all of the skin on her arms. There were tubes trailing out from under her gown. A large tube shoved down her throat. A thin one, shoved in her nose. 

Her hair, usually so curly, was limp and tangled. Her face was pallid and pale. 

She looked like she was already dead.

He sat there, for a while. Just holding her hand. It was the only thing he could do. He tried to talk to her, but the words caught in his throat, too big to force out, and he remained silent. 

When Tony had taken Mary to the hospital, he had been so, so, overwhelmingly scared.

When they’d taken her back for surgery, he’d never felt more helpless in his entire life. 

When they delivered the news, he’d felt such a deep, hollowing  _ ache.  _ A black hole, right in his gut, sucking up all his insides and leaving him empty. 

But now? As he held his best friend’s limp, cold hand in his? He just felt tired.

So, so tired.

  
  
  


Tony didn’t want to see the baby.

Didn’t want to meet Peter. Didn’t want to look at Peter. Because he didn’t know how he would feel when he saw him, and that scared him. 

But he went to the NICU. Not because he wanted to, but because he had to.

Even if he ended up hating the child, he refused to let the baby die alone. The doctors had said he would probably pass by the end of the night…

But Tony knew he was being selfish, even in this. He wasn’t doing it for the boy. He was doing it because he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt. 

The baby was in an incubator. A tube was in his nose. Just like Mary. Pads were on his tummy, monitoring his vitals. His diaper was ginormous on him, almost comically so. Tony might’ve found it funny, in a sick sort of way, once upon a time. Now, it was taking all of his will power to stay standing up.

He sat in a chair by the incubator. He was alone in the room, save for all the other babies that were on their way to dying, and he felt like he could feel all their little eyes on his back. Tony distantly wondered why the babies didn’t get their own rooms. Perhaps it was an issue of space. 

Tony wondered why there weren’t other parents in there, as well, visiting their children before their time ran out. Maybe they were in similar situations as him. Maybe they could handle the guilt.

Tony opened his mouth, and the words that were lodged in his throat earlier all seemed to spill out.

“I don’t want you to think it was your fault,” he said first. Was he even talking to the baby? Or was he talking to himself? To Mary? “Because it wasn’t. It wasn’t your fault. It was just a bad situation all around. You didn’t want any of this to happen, I’m sure.” The baby, like most newborn infants do, said nothing in response. 

“Your momma’s a good person,” Tony said, running his hand through his fingers, just to have something to do with his hands. “I-I’m not one for religion, never have been, but… if there is such a thing as heaven, as an afterlife… that’s where she’ll end up, mark my words.”

“Look, kid, I really do care about you,” Tony said. “I do. And I’m sorry that - that, if you do end up making it, you’re stuck with me instead of your mom… Fuck, maybe I’m not ready for this.” He leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling. “I can’t do this. Not without Mary. I’ll never be able to do this by myself...”

_ “If we gave the baby up for adoption...” Mary said, “it could be like it never happened in the first place.” _

_ “Will it be like that, though?” _

_ “I don’t know,” Mary said quietly.  _

“Will it be like it never happened?” Tony wondered aloud. “If… if you made it - which, by the way, you’re one strong son of a gun if you do - would I be able to live without thinking about what could’ve been?”

“God, Peter, I just don’t know what to do...” He rubbed at his eyes. “And I don’t know anyone who-”  _ Except you do. _

_ “Look after our little boy, o-okay?”  _

_ Okay, Mary. Okay. _

  
  
  


The doctors didn’t wake Mary up. Not yet, anyway. They still had to fight the infection in her lungs which - thanks to the antibiotics - didn’t get any worse. But it didn’t get better either. And her lungs got steadily weaker the longer the infection remained there. The doctors said it was only a matter of time before her lungs collapsed again…

The baby was weak. Weaker than most. Mary’s infection hadn’t helped the infant at all, as was expected. But the nurses said the baby was a fighter. They didn’t know if he would live, but they did know that his will was strong as iron. 

_ Stark men are made of iron. _

Tony felt ill.

“You don’t  _ have _ to be strong when you’re living with me, Pete, okay? You don’t have to be strong all the time.”

_ Stark men are made of iron. _

Tony supposed that was true.

Because iron bent. 

Iron rusted.

Iron  _ broke. _

And Tony did too. __

  
  
  


“You need to sleep, Tony.” Tony was with Mary, this time. Not saying anything. Just holding her hand. Because he couldn’t say anything. Not really.

“Eat, Tony.”

“Rest, Tony.”

“Talk to me, Tony.”

He couldn’t seem to do those things, either.

  
  
  


The doctors were right.

Her lungs collapsed again. Just like they said they would. It was almost inevitable. 

They managed to save her. They went in, fixed the issue, and sewed her back up. She lived.

She wouldn’t next time.

And, the doctors had assured Tony, unless Mary started responding to the antibiotics, there  _ would  _ be a next time. 

  
  


His son still couldn’t breathe on his own.

Neither could his best friend.

And, at times, it felt like he couldn’t breathe either. 

  
  
  


A week and a half.

His son had defied the odds.

His lungs, the doctor said, seemed to grow stronger over night. He was more responsive. He remained awake at random intervals, the blueish grey eyes that all babies seemed to have regarding the world in wonder.

Eventually, he could even breathe on his own, without the tube.

His baby wasn’t healthy. He was weak, and sickly, and, until a day and a half ago, on the brink of death.

But, when he  _ smiled. _

When he  _ smiled. _

Tony could tell he was happy.

And, for now, that was enough.

  
  
  


Two weeks in, and Tony got the news.

Not about Mary.

About someone else.

Jarvis. Jarvis had had a heart attack. Jarvis wasn’t going to make it through the night. And Tony needed to go see him.

Tony needed to say goodbye, before it was too late.

So Tony took a plane to the hospital Jarvis was staying in.

  
  
  


“Hey, J,” Tony said quietly, sitting next to Jarvis’ hospital bed. The man in question looked over at him, head lolling slightly. He looked  _ older _ than the last time Tony had seen him. His hair was all white. New wrinkles adorned his face. The bags under his eyes were more pronounced. 

“Master Anthony...” Jarvis said, smiling weakly. “A pleasure to s-s-see you, sir...” He frowned slightly. “Y-you…. You d-do not look well.”

“Don’t worry about me, J, I’m f-fine,” Tony said, smiling even as his shoulders shook. 

“I-it’s in my j-j-job description to w-worry over you, young master… please, tell me what’s w-wrong… put an old m-man’s worrying-a-at rest...” 

Tony sighed. He glanced around the room - no one else was there besides him and Jarvis, and the door was firmly shut. No one to listen in.

“I’ve got a kid, J,” Tony said. Jarvis’ eyes widened. “A little boy. His name is Peter Edwin James Fitzpatrick-Stark. I named him after someone very close to me...” Tears were streaming down the aged butler’s cheeks. “He- he wasn’t doing so good until just recently,” Tony admitted. “But he’s breathing on his own now. He’s tough. B-but his mom…. There were complications. We just don’t know yet.”

“Y-you will be a… good father, young master,” Jarvis said firmly. “I t-t-truly believe that.” Tony sniffed, rubbing at his eyes.

“Thank you, Jarvis,” Tony said. Jarvis smiled at him, and his eyes seemed to be going dull, the light fading from them, bit by bit.

“I’m q-quite tired, Anthony...” Jarvis said. “I b-believe it m-may be my t-t-time to go… my Ana is calling t-to me...” Tony nodded, choking back a sob.

“I-i-if you need to go… i-it’s okay, Jarvis. It’s okay to leave i-if you gotta.” Jarvis sighed.

“I n-never h-h-had a child, young master A-Anthony, b-but...” He blinked, slowly. “I-I’m g-glad t-to- to have h-had you...” Tony’s breath hitched. “I l-l-love you, Anthony...”

“I-I love you too, J,” Tony said. He laughed wetly. “T-t-tell Ana I s-s-said hi, okay? Tell her Tony said hi...” Jarvis’ eyes slipped closed. His face relaxed, and his limbs went stiff. The heart monitor stopped beeping.

Tony got up.

He left the hospital. 

He rented a car, and he drove and drove and drove.

He drove until he reached water. 

And then he got out of the car, crumpled to the ground, and screamed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little sad, but he had to go, for timeline and plot purposes. other than that, hope you enjoyed. please comment!


	7. Chapter 7

He stayed at the beach for a while. Just watching the water, rolling up to the waves. The sun, fading out against the horizon, shining orange and purple against the water. 

_ The beach is nice, _ Tony thought, mind slightly muddled.  _ I used to love the beach. Maybe I can take Peter some day…? _

_ If Peter lives,  _ the cynical part of his brain reminded him. Tony ignored it.

He eventually lied down on the sand, after a while. He didn’t know if he would be able to move if he tried, weighed down by too many things at once. His son. Mary. Jarvis. His  _ father.  _

For a moment, he even considered walking into the ocean and not walking back out.

_ Stop,  _ Tony thought.  _ Don’t think like that. Your baby needs you. Your best friend needs you. _

His brain told him not to do anything stupid. His heart wasn’t in it anymore. 

_ Jarvis. Jarvis is gone. Dead. Snuffed out, right in front of me. _

_ Mary is dying. Fading. Each breath could be her last. _

_ My son is in the NICU. All alone. Sue and David already went home. Rhodey will be with his mama. He only has the other babies to keep him company. _

_ And here I am. On a beach. Feeling sorry for myself. _

Tony sighed. He tried to get up. Tried to pull himself out of the sand. It was like the sand sucked him back down again.

What was  _ wrong _ with him?

His shoulders felt weighed down, like it would take so much effort just to sit back up that there was no point in making the attempt. So he didn’t.

He closed his eyes.

  
  


He felt better, when he opened them. The sun was shining. People were walking across the warm sand. Tens of dozens of people. None of them stood out to him; by the end of the day, he wouldn't remember their faces.

Would he forget Jarvis’s face? Forget the sound of his voice?

_ No,  _ he decided.  _ Never.  _

No one stood out except four people, barely a dozen feet away, splayed out on a blanket, basking in the warm sunlight. There was a woman, skin tanned and curly hair pulled back in a ponytail. A man, with brown hair, green eyes and a kind, albeit awkward, disposition. Another man, who looked a little younger than the other two, with round, intelligent brown eyes, an easy smile and tufty brown hair that stuck up in all directions. In his lap, with his fist in his mouth was a baby, barely one years old with a mop of brown hair on his head, curly like the woman’s but the same shade as the man holding him. His brown eyes were wide and innocent, like a baby deer’s. 

Tony realised, with a jolt, that he knew them. At least, some of them.

The woman had to be Mary.

The child would be little Peter.

And the man… was him.

“Always a nice sight, seeing a family having fun at the beach,” an old and distinctly british voice said. He looked over. 

Jarvis. Younger, healthier looking, but still Jarvis.

“Hello, Anthony,” Jarvis said, inclining his head toward him.

“H-hey, J,” Tony said, mouth agape. “What- what is this?”

“It’s you,” Jarvis said, shrugging. “Well. It could be. In time.”

_ It’s not _ , the voice in the back of his head reminded him.  _ Mary’s dying. Jarvis is dead. It’s obviously a dream. _

“Except it’s not,” Jarvis said. Tony noticed, albeit distantly, that he was wearing a suit, even in this weather. “Well. Not completely. I am merely showing you...”

“Something I’ll never be able to have,” Tony finished, scowling. “I’ll never be able to have  _ any _ of that. Maybe, if Mary hadn’t gotten sick, but… It’s just not possible anymore. She’s as good as dead. Even the doctor’s say so. Unless she takes to the medication...”

“Who’s to say she won’t take to the medicine?”

“Logic, J,” Tony spat. “ _ Logic.  _ She’s going to die. And there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“No,” Jarvis said. “Her time is not up… yet. Have hope, Anthony, and everything will be okay.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, but Jarvis...” He curled in on himself. “How am I supposed to have hope here? In this situation?”

“It will be difficult,” Jarvis agreed. “But it will all be worth it in the end, I assure you. They need you right now, Tony. You need to go to them.”

“I-”

“You can,” Jarvis said, before Tony could even finish what he was about to say. “You can do it. You have to.” He looked out over the water. “You always did love the beach, Tony… When you were just a boy, running around across the sand, splashing in the water… Ana and I had our hands full trying to keep up with you.”

Tony chuckled wetly. He heard a happy shriek.

His son, playing in the sand, letting it fall through his fingers.

“It would seem your little boy rather enjoys the beach as well, hmm? Remember to take him when he’s older.”

_ If he lives long enough to go to the beach. _

“I will, J,” Tony said instead. 

Jarvis sighed.

“I must be going, I’m afraid… I’m so sorry to leave you, Tony...”

“It’s okay, J,” Tony assured him. “I’ll see you sooner or later, right?”

“Make sure it’s later, Anthony,” Jarvis said. “That little child has already changed your fate...” Tony frowned, eyebrows drawing together. “Nothing you need to worry about, just…. Just make sure it’s later.”

“I… okay, Jarvis.”

Jarvis stood, and waved back at him as he walked down the beach and faded out of Tony’s vision.

  
  
  


Tony woke on the sand, sun shining down blaringly, his skin feeling red and tight. He sat up. He felt lighter.

He walked back to the car, and he drove to the airport.

Mary was waiting for him.

And he had to tell his son all about the beach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was a little short. sorry about that. please comment!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little art work by the incredible CrystalCosmic!!!

The doctors had no idea what to do. Tony could tell.

The antibiotics still weren’t working.

The respirator could only do so much.

The chest tubes helped get rid of the gunk in her lungs, but only just.

She hadn’t gotten worse - not really - but Tony didn’t need the doctors to tell him to know that if anything else happened, her body wouldn’t be able to handle it.

His son was getting stronger by the day. His bluish eyes had since faded into a chocolatey brown, the soft hair on his head curling up in all directions now. He smiled at Tony every time he talked to him, looking rather odd considering he had no teeth at the moment. He was always moving, wiggling, fist waving around. The doctors had no idea what to make of him. They said he was one of the most aware newborns they had ever met, and certainly one of the happiest.

They also said he was out of the woods, for now.

His little boy was going to live. 

He was going to  _ live _ .

  
  
  


When the doctors said Peter was safe to leave the hospital was when Tony knew he’d have to alert the media on his little boy’s existence. 

Oh joy. 

So, without his father’s knowledge, he called a press conference and held it a few blocks away from the hospital. He put on his paparazzi smile, endured all the pictures, and answered a few of their questions before letting them know why he was holding the conference to begin with.

He noticed a man with a large camera in the back, most likely from a news station.

Good.

“Now, the purpose for me calling this press conference...” Tony said, grinning slightly when he saw all the reporters go quiet, leaning forward slightly, as if hanging on to his every word.

“Is my son. He was born around two and a half weeks ago. As of right now he is healthy and will soon be coming home with me.” And then, the pandemonium. 

“Tony Stark-”

“Mr. Stark, what’s the baby’s name-”

“What do you mean by ‘as of right now’-”

“-where’s the baby’s mother?”

“Will you be continuing your education, now that you have a child-?”

“No further questions,” Tony said, walking off the podium and heading toward his car where a bodyguard named Happy Hogan - someone he had hired on short notice - was waiting for him. “Hogan, you know where to go.” The man nodded, and off they went. 

Happy drove him back to the hospital, Tony paid him his wages, and he headed straight to the NICU, sitting next to the baby’s incubator. They would keep him one more night, and then he would be free to go the next morning. Tony would be able to hold his son for the first time…. 

And Mary was still kept in a coma. Tony had done his research - usually, patients were only kept under by doctors for as long as two weeks. Mary had been under for far longer than that. 

And still, no improvement. 

Tony tried to banish those thoughts from his mind.

_ You’re with your son,  _ Tony thought.  _ Think about him. Think about the apartment, and the consequences of the choices you’ve made. Do you have time to get a house? Maybe you should take Sue and David up on their offer. Will the Rhodes’ let you stay, if it gets too awkward at the Fitzpatricks? Maybe you should stay with Rhodey, closer to the hospital, and closer to Mary… _

He heard faint whimpering noises coming from the incubator. The baby was crying quietly, mouth gaping open, fists pushing at his face. He almost looked like he was in pain. It made Tony’s heart break…

“Nurse!” he called, concern building. “ _ Nurse!  _ I need you!”

A male nurse in light blue scrubs hurried over. 

“Yes, sir? What seems to be the problem?” the man asked. He had dark skin and eyes the shape of almonds. Tony could tell his hair was on the longer side, though it was covered by a nurses’ cap.

“I-it’s my son, Peter, he’s crying and I don’t know why-”

The nurse hummed, checking his vitals. 

“He’s just hungry,” he said, chuckling. Tony relaxed, letting out a long breath, relieved.

“Oh.. okay, okay, that’s good,” Tony said.

“Would you like to feed him?” the nurse asked. Tony blinked.

“Uh… I’ve never held him before… and I don’t know how to feed a baby...” The nurse chuckled.

“Well you’re going to have to learn how some time! Sit down on that chair, I’ll give you the baby, and I’ll find him a bottle, okay?” Tony nodded numbly, sitting on the uncomfortable plastic chair, hands shaking. The nurse reached into the incubator and took out the baby, disconnecting him from a few of the machines as he did. The baby was soothed slightly as he laid in the man’s arms, though he still whimpered.

“Okay,” the nurse said. “Be careful now… yes, yes, hand under his head… and… there you go!”

Peter was so  _ tiny.  _ Barely the size of half his forearm, little toes almost miniscule, his tiny face pinched slightly as Tony held him awkwardly. He eventually relaxed against the chair, holding the baby better as well. The baby continued his whimpering, obviously confused. The nurse had disappeared somewhere to fetch the bottle.

_ How do parents usually get their kids to be quiet? Rock them? Or… _

Tony sighed. It would be humiliating, but…

“ _ Blackbird singing in the dead of night... _ ” he sang, voice quiet and croaky at first until he managed a calming, smooth tone. “ _ T-take these broken wings and learn to fly... _ ” The baby stopped whimpering, as if listening to his voice. The sounds of the rest of the inhabitants of the NICU quieted as well. A baby who had been being rocked by its frantic mother in the corner stopped crying. An older man who had been hiding behind his hands peeked out through his fingers. A couple nurses who had been tending to an infant looked up as well. 

“ _ All your life, _ ” Tony continued, voice getting a bit thick. “ _ You were only waiting for this moment to arise... _ ”

“ _ Black bird singing in the dead of night… take these sunken eyes and learn to see… All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free… Black bird, fly... _ ” Tony had never been a big Beatles fan - he had always preferred ACDC, or Metallica or Black Sabbath. But this song could calm even him down, not just the little boy cradled in his arms. 

When the song ended, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room, everyone was already emotional over the little children in the incubators. He even got a little applause from the older man in the corner, though Tony knew his singing left much to be desired. 

The nurse came back, holding a small bottle in his hand, full of some thick yellowish liquid. He passed it to Tony, who guided the bottle to the baby’s lips, encouraged by the nurse’s nod. 

“Wow,” Tony gasped. “Little guy was hungry.” The baby had somehow managed to finish off the bottle in less than ten minutes, Tony setting it aside. The nurse had long since gone to attend to his other duties. 

_ What the fuck am I supposed to do now? _

“I’m supposed to burp you, right?” Tony asked the infant, who was looking rather sleepy. He received no answer.

_ Suppose I would’ve been pretty concerned if I got one… _

He lifted the baby up carefully, settling him against his shoulder and tapping at his back, pats firm and light. He didn’t want to hit the child too hard, he might hurt the little thing....

He soon realised why, in movies, mothers always had rags on their shoulders when they burped their babies.

“God, you’re lucky you’re cute,” Tony said as quiet laughter filled the NICU from the other nurses. He wiped the gunk off with a tissue after a kind looking woman took the baby from him.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Tony said gratefully. “I appreciate-”

A doctor walked into the NICU, making his way over to Tony. Mary’s doctor. 

_ A good moment really can never last, can it? _

“Mr. Stark,” the doctor said. “I have news.”

“What kind of news?” Tony asked, already knowing what the man meant. His throat was dry.

“Well, two things. One, your friend Mary Fitzpatrick's condition has worsened. The doctors have determined that she will need surgery, and they will be removing the infected part of the lung. The chances of her recovery are undetermined.” Tony’s head was spinning. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on.

“Okay...” he said slowly. “What- what is the other news?”

“You have a visitor!” the doctor said. “A Mr. Howard Stark is here to see you.”

Tony felt like the earth was going to shatter under his feet.

_ No…. No! _

_ What were you expecting, idiot?  _ The cynical part of his brain taunted.  _ You made a fool of him on TV! In the papers! There’ll be Hell to pay! _

He drew in a sharp breath.

_ I can’t let him near Peter… _

Then the man himself marched into the NICU, and that plan was shot out the window.

“Oh fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked this chapter, please leave kudos and a comment! 
> 
> follow me on Tumblr @I-dont-even-know-yall and my best friend (the artist who made that drawing) @crystal-the-dragooon! she has more amazing works on her blog, and my blog will soon be filled with more of my writing for this fandom, among others!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings for: child abuse, violence, Hoeward Stark, etc.

Howard demanded a private room so he could talk to his son. And because he’s Howard, the room was ready five minutes later.

It was a waiting room, cleared of all the people that had been in it previously, but it would serve Howard’s purposes. The camera in the top corner was deactivated. The door to the waiting room had been closed and locked. The window that looked out into the hallway’s blinds were drawn. It was as private as it was going to be.

Tony felt trapped.

If things escalated - which didn’t happen often, but Tony hadn’t the faintest idea how angry or drunk Howard was, face set in an unwavering, cold mask - would anyone hear him screaming? Or would they merely ignore it, not wanting to face one of the most powerful men in the country?

Howard was wearing a clean white button up and black slacks. His hair was combed against his scalp. He looked calm, put together. Stern in the way he was standing, but not enough to worry. 

Tony knew that looks could be deceiving. 

“I’d like to know what you were thinking when you called for that press conference,” Howard said. His voice was measured, words clipped. It wasn’t a question, neither was it really a statement - it was a demand, and Tony knew that if he didn’t answer things were not going to go his way.

“I was thinking that I had just had a son and that I wanted the media to know, so there would be no future drama or speculation.”

“And you didn’t think to tell  _ me _ before you ran your mouth to the reporters?” There was an edge in his voice. He wasn’t yelling, but then, he’d never needed to before. Tony knew he would leave this conversation in pain, whether it was from a raised voice or a raised fist. 

“I was also thinking about the dangers of telling you before the media was knowledgeable about the proceedings,” Tony admitted. He kept his voice steady. Any signs of weakness would just speed up the inevitable - a shaky voice, a trembling hand…

Howard harrumphed. 

“And what might those dangers be?” Howard asked, voice edging on dangerous. Tony’s fists clenched from where they were crossed behind his back. He couldn’t do this. How was he supposed to do this? He could kill him by the end of this. He wouldn’t be surprised if Howard tried to kill him by the end of this. His breath felt shaky.

“You’re a powerful man, Howard,” Tony said, because he had stopped calling him ‘Dad’ in his head long ago. “If you didn’t want that little boy being born he wouldn’t be born.” Howard hummed.

“You’re correct, in that aspect,” Howard said.  _ In that aspect..? _ “I wouldn’t have allowed the baby to be born, but Anthony… what is to stop me from getting rid of the dreadful thing now, even with the media knowing? How are you to know that that is not the purpose for you being locked in this room with me now? What guarantees the safety of that child?” Tony felt shakier.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I’m the most powerful man in America, Anthony,” Howard said. “I could do whatever I  _ want. _ And there wouldn’t be a thing you could do to stop me. You’re powerless, my boy.”

“Touch him,” Tony said, “lay a single  _ finger _ on that baby, and I’ll tell the media everything. I-I’ll tell them how much of a worthless drunk you are, and how you beat your kid, fill your wife up with d-drugs to keep her quiet, a-a-and how you  _ stole _ all my blueprints, and how you’re dealing under the table with our enemies! Yeah, I know about that! I know about everything! I’ll tell them  _ everything- _ ”

It happened so fast Tony was hardly able to comprehend it. One minute he and his father were standing in the middle of the waiting room, yelling at each other, the next Tony was pinned up against the wall, Howard holding him up by the collar of his shirt. He had hit his head when Howard pinned him. His ears rang. 

“You don’t scare me, boy!”

Tony then came to a startling realization, right as his father said that. Because the feelings were completely mutual. Tony didn’t know whether it was born from a protectiveness over his son, or something else, but…

Tony grinned, showing all his teeth, even as he wanted to vomit from the close proximity - Howard had definitely broken into the liquor cabinet before coming here.

“And  _ you _ don’t scare me!” Tony said. 

Tony had had a rule, when he was younger. After he had been rejected again and again by his father and the sting he had left had long since faded. The rule had been simple: Stay away from the man, don’t anger him, and you won’t get hurt anymore. Because it was the dismissive words that hurt the most, far more than his father’s fists ever could.

His father usually didn’t seek him out, and Tony hardly saw him after that rule had been made. He really only ever had to interact with him at all when he messed something up. Trouble at school, an accident in his personal lab, smart mouthing someone older than him…

But those instances were always horrid.

Tony wasn’t sure what happened after that. He remembered pain. Pain in his face, in his ribs, in his hands, in his legs. Bruises and cuts and bumps. Howard was angry, oh yes, but he never reacted as harshly as this.

He would only realise later that this beating wasn’t just because his father was mad at him. It was to remind him of his place. 

Tony only had one clear thought as punch after punch was delivered.

_ I’m not afraid of you. _

  
  
  


The world made more sense when Howard finally dropped him to the ground. Howard’s knuckles were split and bleeding, but that was nothing on the open wounds and bruising on Tony’s body. Bloody nose, bruised face, aching ribs, burning legs. Tony was even worried about a few broken bones, for a moment.

He thought Howard might’ve gotten some blood on the carpet.

He looked up at his father. His right eye was swollen shut.

Howard’s shoulders were heaving. The old man’s forehead was beaded with sweat. His previously neatly combed white hair was rumpled.

_ He’s old. Why didn’t you fight him off?  _ That cynical part of his brain asked.

And he didn’t know either. Shock? Confusion? 

His old, greying, sixty-something year old father had beaten him to a pulp, and now he was wondering how he had done it. As he lay, on the ground, beaten to a pulp, staining the ugly carpeting under him with his blood.

Tony giggled. The giggling morphed into cackling, and then full on hysterical laughter. He held his bruised sides as he laughed, coughing slightly as he did but unable to stop. Howard looked a little afraid of  _ him _ for a moment. 

_ Good,  _ Tony thought.  _ He should be. _

Howard composed himself, wrapping his bleeding knuckles with two handkerchiefs he had stuffed in his pockets.

“Anthony,” he said, voice stern and important. Tony still couldn’t, or wouldn’t, stop laughing. It was all too funny to him. “You are to take that…  _ child,  _ and you are to sign over all guardianship of him to his whore of a mother and her family. Then I want you to cut ties with them and forget the damned thing ever existed. This will not stand with me, boy.” 

Tony’s laughter calmed down enough for him to respond. “N-no f-f-fucking way, Howard!” He choked on air, head falling back against the floor, face bright red. 

“You will do as I say!”

“O-or what?” Tony challenged. “You’re gonna beat me again? Take away the company from me? I’m the only heir you’ve g-got! Y-you c-can’t do _ shit! _ ” He sat up on his elbows, body still shaking with chuckles. 

“G-get you,” he said. “G-get o-out of here, a-a-and stay away f-from me, my baby, a-and Mary! You k-know what I k-know, and you know what the consequences will be i-if you don’t listen to me.” Howard stiffened.

“You  _ dare- _ ”

“ _ Yes, _ ” Tony hissed. “Now get out. A-and don’t come back.” Howard scowled. His fists tightened. For a moment, just a moment, Tony was afraid he would start hitting him again.

“Fine,” he said. “But this is not over, Anthony Edward Stark.” He marched toward the door, unlocking it, and slammed it shut behind him. Tony relaxed back against the floor. His shirt was stretched out and basically unwearable now. He’d liked this shirt. 

He sighed, taking it off, and pressing it to his still-bleeding nose. 

He wasn’t afraid of Howard. He wasn’t. And he never would be again. He had stopped loving the man when he was ten years old. So why did he feel so horrible, seeing him leave?

He hated him. He did.

But he was a kid. And he would always crave his approval, no matter how much he wanted not to. 

What was  _ wrong _ with him?

A nurse walked in. she gasped loudly when she saw him. He must’ve been quite the sight to see. 

“Oh dear,” she said, rushing forward. “Are you alright, hon? Do you need anything?” she asked, pulling the blood soaked t-shirt away from his nose. 

“Rhodey,” he said. “James Rhodes.” The nurse looked lost. Tony gave her his number. “J-just… just get him here, okay? I-I need Rhodey.” The nurse nodded, standing up hesitantly. She disappeared, and didn’t come back. Tony stayed on the floor, knowing that if he moved the pain would just come back.

He didn’t know how long he lay there, only that his neck began to get sore, and he was getting cold. But he didn’t want to get up, couldn’t get up, and the nurse did not come back to help him. 

The relief he felt when Rhodey ran in was tangible.

The older boy stared at him for a moment before dropping on his knees next to him, helping him sit up. He took the bloody shirt from him and frowned, immediately dropping it again. Tony didn’t blame him. It was stiff with blood.

“Oh, Tony, what happened?” he asked, face ashen. Tony slumped against him, just grateful that his friend was there. Grateful that he was there to pick up all the broken pieces and glue them back together again.

_ Am I Humpty Dumpty?  _ Tony thought, mind muddled. He  _ would _ be Humpty Dumpty in this situation. 

Rhodey sighed, and helped him stand. Walked him out of the waiting room to find a nurse. Tony endured all of the nurse’s questions about his pain levels and the stinging of the peroxide and the uncomfortable feeling of bandages on his skin. He hated it, but he could endure it.

He had a minor concussion. Bruised ribs. Sprained wrist. More bruises and scrapes than they could count. Rhodey looked ill. Tony felt numb.

_ How can I feel numb when I still feel all the pain? _

“Rhodey, you gotta go get my baby,” Tony said. “Okay? Y-you… you gotta go get my kid.”

“Are you sure I should leave you?” Rhodey asked, looking worried. “I mean, you’re not looking so good, Tones...”

“I need my baby!”

“Okay, okay,” Rhodey said placatingly, holding up his hands in surrender. “I’ll go get your baby… it’s okay, Tones...” Tony relaxed back against the hospital bed.

“Thank you, Rhodey,” Tony said gratefully.

“No problem, Tones,” Rhodey said before disappearing into the hallway. He returned a moment later, wheeling Peter in on a bassinet. Tony tried to sit up, but Rhodey placed a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back down before reaching into the bassinet and handing Peter to him.

The baby smiled at him gummily. 

Tony smiled back, even as his face twinged and a tear rolled down his cheek.

_ I’m never gonna be like that,  _ Tony thought.  _ Never. Not with Peter. I’m gonna do better than him. I will. _

He hoped he could hold up his promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment!


	10. Chapter 10

Tony had laid in that hospital bed for a long time, his baby sleeping on his chest, little cheek squished up against the clean t-shirt someone had brought him. He was such a tiny thing - little arms and little legs, little finger and little toes. He looked like a doll, fluffy brown hair curling up in a way that Tony knew boded for uncontrollable curly hair later in life and bright brown eyes that looked onto the world with a wonder that Tony had long since lost. Tony loved his son. 

He loved him so much. More than he had ever loved any one person before - even Jarvis. Even Mary and Rhodey. It was unexplainable, perhaps even a little frightening considering how little time he had spent with the boy, but that was the truth of it. He loved his son more than life itself and he would go through Hell and back to protect him.

Tony had always felt lonely. Ever since he was a toddler, he was never given enough attention. Jarvis had an actual job outside taking care of Tony, Ana didn’t go in the manor much, his mother was always right there but so far off at the same time and his father…. 

MIT had been like Tony’s escape from the loneliness, while also placing him into an overwhelming prison, a constant pull of anxiety and loss at his heart strings. He’d been taken from his cold manor and sent to a school filled with kids much older than him. Kids who believed that his dad had just paid his way in, and that he would never amount to much. He’d tried to prove them wrong, day after day, but that only seemed to make the rumors worse. 

Then he’d met Rhodey and Mary. And he hadn’t felt so lonely anymore. They were always there, through thick or thin - Rhodey was his roommate after there was an error in the school’s system and Tony’s once private space was being shared by a boy two years his senior. Rhodey hadn’t liked him that much at first - Rhodey came from a large family, and they never seemed to make enough money for simple pleasures, while Tony had come from the lap of luxury. But they’d made it work. One awkward, stilted conversation at a time.

Then Tony had met Mary, and it was like the girl was a God send. She was so kind, but stern enough to keep Tony in check. Funny enough to understand his odd sense of humor, but not so much that she could never be serious herself. Smart, so smart, and so incredibly talented. A beautiful soul trapped in a world that didn’t deserve her.

She and Rhodey were Tony’s family, in all things but blood. But blood didn’t matter anyway.

He would be so lost, would feel so empty if she didn’t make it through the surgery but… but maybe Peter, the baby he already loved more than life itself, could help fill the void she would leave behind.

He and Peter ended up being able to stay in the hospital longer, refusing to leave until Tony got some news on Mary. The surgery had been long and drawn out, and the wait was grueling and torturous. They’d stayed in the hospital room Tony had been given, Rhodey sitting in a chair by his bed, Peter snuggled up to his chest and Tony tapping an impatient pattern on his son’s back - which Rhodey seemed to find amusing.

It was eight anxious hours later that they finally got news on their friend.

The doctor walked in, looking exhausted but his expression unreadable. Tony sat up carefully, trying not to jostle the baby as he gave the doctor his full attention. Rhodey was sitting on the edge of his seat, awaiting the news.

“The surgery was very complicated,” the doctor said, and Tony felt his heart sink. “The medications, as you know, haven’t been making a dent in the infection. It wasn’t growing, but her lungs were essentially  _ rotting. _ Wasting away. Had we not done the surgery and continued on with the medication, she more than likely would have been overcome by the infection in the next couple of days.” Tony stared at him blankly. His best friend’s lungs had been  _ rotting? _

_ Holy fuck. _

“B-b-but how did the surgery go? Is she a-alive?” Tony asked, that familiar nervousness he felt after every one of Mary’s procedures racking up again. There were so many risks. So many things Tony had to worry about. What if she died in surgery? Orr her infection comes back? Or her lungs collapsed again? There were so many possibilities, so many things that could go  _ wrong- _

“She managed to pull through,” the doctor confirmed. “I’ll be frank, I have no earthly idea how. The girl must have an angel looking after her. It’s a miracle, nothing short of it.” Tony’s shoulders slumped, all his anxiety leaving him at once. Peter shifted slightly, head still using Tony’s chest as a pillow and looking at everything lazily. 

“Will she be alright? By the end of it all? How much of her lungs did you have to remove?”

“Whether she’ll be alright is still unclear. There’s no telling if the infection will come back or not. We had to remove half of both her lungs - there was no tissue to be spared, they were quite literally decomposing. Assuming the infection doesn’t come back, and her lungs don’t collapse again, and everything else goes well… I think it’s a safe guess that she’ll make it and live a semi healthy life. We may even be able to bring her out of the coma soon - say, one and a half weeks from now.”

Tony felt like crying, but for a completely different reason this time. The  _ relief,  _ the happiness was insurmountable. Mary might be okay. Mary might live. It was better chances than she had ever had before in all her time in the coma - they’d all assumed that she was one small push away from falling over the edge, but now there was a chance, a very large chance, that Mary might actually  _ live.  _

“I-I-I-” His eyes burned and his shoulders shook. Rhodey, sitting next to him, looked elated. “ _ T-thank you.  _ Thank you  _ so much _ , I-I can’t- Oh my God.” 

“There’s no need to thank me,” the doctor said. “It’s just my job. I’ll have a nurse send you some papers for Mary’s treatment plan, following her release from the hospital in a couple weeks, as well as the treatment for your little boy.” Tony nodded, hair - which he probably needed to get cut, it was getting too long to be easily manageable - flopping into his eyes. He pushed it to the side with a trembling hand. 

“I’ll be going now. I’ll have someone come down with the baby’s discharge papers. I trust you have somewhere to stay?”

Tony nodded, though he wasn’t sure he did. 

“Alright then! Have a good day, Mr. Stark.” And with that he bid himself adieu, turning on his heel and leaving the hospital room, lab coat billowing out behind him. 

_ Bit dramatic, that one,  _ Tony thought. 

_ Hypocrite.  _

“You  _ do _ have somewhere to stay, right?” Rhodey asked, looking concerned. “Sue and David’ll still take you?” Tony sighed. He really didn’t know. Would they take him? When it’s practically his fault their daughter is in the hospital? When he’d made them grandparents, when they hadn’t even finished raising their daughter yet? Would they even want to be near the baby? He knew they’d said they’d let him stay, but that had been weeks ago, and people’s minds change…

“They said they would,” Tony said. “But that could be different now. I don’t know. I’ll just have to drive down there and find out.” Rhodey nodded.

“You know you’re  _ always _ welcome at my house, right? Momma loves you, and so do my sisters...”

“Yeah, I know. I appreciate it, Rhodey,” Tony said, smiling one of his first real smiles in days. And he did appreciate it, though he knew he could never impose on Rhodey or his family like that. Staying at Rhodey’s house for spring break was one thing - living there for an entire summer, with a baby no less? There were certain lines Tony knew he could never cross, and that was one of them, no matter how much Rhodey and his family said they didn’t mind. 

Rhodey frowned at him, as if he could tell what he was thinking. He probably did.

“I’m serious,” he insisted. “We’d all be happy to take you.”

“Of course you would be,” Tony joked. “I’m awesome.” Rhodey rolled his eyes, though he didn’t seem able to stop the smile from spreading across his face. 

“Get some sleep, Tones,” Rhodey said, standing up before Tony could protest. “I’ll go call Sue and David.” Tony nodded, head feeling heavier at the mention of sleep. He wasn’t sure he was supposed to, what with the concussion, but Rhodey wouldn’t have told him to go to sleep if it wasn’t safe. His eyes slipped closed before he knew it and his arms tightened around his baby as he drifted away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am SO sorry for the long wait. I try to stay four chapters ahead in writing for this fic, and writing chapter 14 gave me some trouble. But i'm back now, and I have a new chapter for you! :)
> 
> This fic is also on ff.net! Here's the link! https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13773715/8/Here-s-Hoping
> 
> Please comment! Your comments are my inspiration to keep writing! :)))


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> holy shit im so sorry! Ive been really busy with a personal project so i completely forgot. newest chapter is up! please comment!

Sue and David arrived early the next morning. They looked about as exhausted as Tony, even though they hadn’t bothered to stay at the hospital. David had dark circles under his icy blue eyes, and Sue had a bone weary look about her, hair messy and the corners of her mouth pulled down into a sad frown. 

They ended up renting an apartment for a while - which Tony insisted on paying for - so they could be close to the hospital. The apartment, since it was such a short-notice, had only one bedroom and washroom, a closet, and a small kitchen space and living area. Tony ended up camping out on the couch. They had a cheap bassinet to keep the baby in but Tony didn’t have the heart to leave him in there, instead sleeping with Peter laying on his chest. 

The first night there, Peter cried every few hours, a shrill alarm filling in the quiet early hours of the morning. He was so fussy, probably because he was in a new place, and Tony had to walk him the length of the room multiple times before he even calmed down enough for him to feed him. Tony had read every parenting book he could get, could probably get a doctorate in the subject if that were a thing, and he was still worried that this wasn’t normal.

_ Maybe it’s the new place?  _ Tony thought as he bounced Peter up and down, patting his back soothingly. Peter kept screaming bloody murder.

_ It’s too soon to feed him… _

“Shh….” Tony said, seeing he had no other option. “C’mon, little man, you gotta work with me here...” He checked his diaper for the fifth time since he started screaming. It didn’t seem to be that either. Tony felt like he was going to start screaming with the baby soon.

_ Indigestion? No, I burped him… Teething? Don’t be a dumbass, Stark, he’s a newborn… _

_ I’m not cut out for this.  _

Tony sighed. He felt defeated. The baby’s cries rose in volume and pitch.  _ Where were Sue and David?! _

Tony started humming, just to distract himself from the baby’s crying as he continued to pace around the room. His humming picked up in volume as the baby’s screaming did, until eventually the baby’s cries quieted slightly. The baby went still, whimpering slightly. Tony stopped humming, and he went back to screaming. Tony hummed, and he dissolved into whimpering again. 

_ Huh.  _

Tony grinned. 

“ _ Poor old Johnny Ray, _ ” he sang, voice carrying. He was sure that it would have woken up Sue and David.

_ Fuck them,  _ Tony thought.  _ They didn’t help with the damn baby.  _

“ _ Sounded sad upon the radio, broke a million hearts in mono! _ ” The baby’s whimpering disappeared completely. His eyes were open, staring at the wall, unable to raise his head to look at his singing father but clearly listening. “ _ Our mothers cried… sang along, who’d blame them? _ ” He started swaying along to his own singing, dancing with the baby in the cramped living space. 

He continued singing, until he reached the chorus, practically bouncing on his heels. 

“ _ Come on Eileen, oh I swear what he means _

_ At this moment, you mean everything! _

_ You in that dress, oh my thoughts, I confess _

_ Verge on…. _ er….  _ Happy! Oh come on, Eileen! _ ”

He giggled slightly as he finally reached the end of the song. He looked down at the infant in his arms. He was resting against his shoulder, drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth, eyes closed and his chubby cheek smushed. 

_ Don’t know how he managed to get to sleep, with an upbeat song like that,  _ Tony thought idly as he carefully sat on the couch and spread out. Peter snuggled into his chest slightly, and Tony smiled, grabbing a spare blanket from the back of the couch that smelled like mothballs and draping it over the both of them.

They both slept through the last hours of the night.

  
  
  


When Tony woke up, it was to the smell of coffee tickling his nose. Peter was still laying on his chest, though he was awake as well, big brown eyes open and blinking at his surroundings. His curly brown hair was sticking up in all directions, fluffy and soft. Tony thought most babies were rather odd looking, but he thought his was rather adorable.

_ Oh God, I understand parents now. A tragedy.  _

Tony felt rather sorry for the boy. He seemed to have inherited most of his looks, though he had gotten his mother’s curly hair. Tony knew how difficult it was to manage - Mary complained enough for him to get the basic idea.

_ I’ll have to buy a comb _ , he thought idly, carefully sitting up, hand braced over the back of his baby’s head so he wouldn’t fall. David was in the kitchen, staring at the coffee machine as if it had the secrets to end all of life’s problems, and Sue was dishing eggs onto three china plates. Tony made a bee-line toward the counter, where there were plastic baby bottles and a tub of baby formula. He thought Peter might be due for a bottle.

He made it one handed, the other holding Peter and trying not to drop him. Sue and David made no move to help him. Maybe he should’ve put him in the bassinet, first. 

He eventually finished the bottle, shaking it up as he walked back into the living area and plopped onto the lumpy couch, the springs shrieking their protest. He put the bottle to the baby’s lips and waited for him to finish eating, tapping his foot as he did. He was itching to work on something - to work in his lab. Work on DUM-E, or his AI that he had yet to name, or his homework. It had been  _ weeks _ since he had even picked up a screwdriver. He had always been in the hospital, or busy with how he would handle the press. His head buzzed, ideas and upgrades dying to break free, and the bruises he had collected in the last few days ached. 

He couldn’t go to his lab, but… maybe he could write it down? Work out the equations? DUM-E was so glitchy, he really did need to work out his coding- 

And then the baby whined, his bottle empty, and Tony remembered how he had been, years ago, just a toddler and wanting his dad’s attention. Attention he had never gotten since he’d always been in the lab, or had his face buried in a text book. He couldn’t do that with Peter. He had to spend as much time as possible with him. He never wanted to be like his father. 

But he still had to work, eventually, on summer homework. Maybe he could work out a schedule. 

He placed the bottle to the side, burped the baby, and relaxed back into the couch, his son content, for now, just to lay on his chest and stare at the far wall, eyes blinking curiously at everything. He loved this child. 

Sue walked out of the kitchen, carrying a porcelain plate of eggs. She placed it on the couch next to them without even looking at him, or the baby, before turning on her heel and marching back into the kitchen. She hadn’t even given him a fork. 

He shrugged. He didn’t need a fork anyway. 

  
  


It was just so damned  _ awkward _ in the apartment. He hated it. Hated the glares David threw his way, and Sue’s bitterness as she ignored him. It was enough to drive him mad. 

It was enough for him to place the baby in his bassinet which, conveniently, had wheels, and run to the nearest pay phone, where he called Momma Rhodes.

“Who’s this?” the woman said, her southern drawl familiar. 

“Hey, Momma, it’s Tony,” Tony said. Everyone called her momma, even the workers at the supermarket. Everyone knew Momma Rhodes, even in a big city such as this one, and everyone loved her. 

Momma Rhodes gasped.

“ _ Tony? _ Oh, honey, where you been? Do you need someone ta pick you up?” Tony’s eyes burned. He rubbed at them, grimacing slightly as they aggravated his bruises. He could always count on Momma Rhodes. 

“Um, yeah, that’d be nice. I just need a place to crash for a couple days, if that’s fine,” Tony said hesitantly. Momma Rhodes chuckled warmly.

“Oh, Tony, you know you’re always welcome here! Don’t be ridiculous! I’ll have James go and pick you up, alright?”

“Alright,” Tony said. He sniffed before he could stop himself. Momma Rhodes didn’t comment. “Thank you, Momma Rhodes.”

“Oh, it’s no problem!” she said. “I’ll see you soon, hon!”

Tony nodded, even though he knew she wouldn’t be able to see him, and hung up the phone. Peter was laying on his back in the bassinet, staring up at the blue sky and all the tall buildings with an expression on his face that, if Tony didn’t know better, he would guess was longing. 

“Your Uncle Rhodey’s gonna be here soon,” Tony said, because he needed someone to talk to. “He’s gonna pick us up and take us to Momma Rhodes. She’s kinda like your grandma, I guess. You’ll probably see her a lot, at least over the summer. She’s really nice, and she makes great blueberry pies. You’ll probably like those when you’re older and able to eat stuff like that - they’re really good.” The baby said nothing. 

“I don’t know how long we’re gonna stay there,” Tony admitted. Peter was watching him, brown gaze unwavering. “Your other grandparents aren’t being all that nice right now. But that’s okay. They’ll start acting better once your momma’s out of the hospital.” Peter blinked. His eyelashes were so long, and Tony couldn’t tell whether he had gotten it from Tony or Mary. They brushed his cheeks. Tony thought he looked rather a lot like Bambi.

“Is that what you are?” Tony asked, smiling softly. “Hmm? Bambi? Is that what you are, little man?” Peter’s lips stretched out into a gummy smile. He was drooling. If it were any other baby, Tony probably would have thought it was gross. 

Tony talked to Peter about trivial things - the weather, foods he would one day try, college, other countries and states he wanted to visit. Even though Peter couldn’t answer and probably didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. Tony had read in one of the parenting books that talking to the baby a lot would help them start talking sooner. 

It didn’t feel like long before he saw Rhodey, driving Tony’s car down the street, looking like he wasn’t planning on stopping, before he saw Tony standing on the street corner with a bassinet and slammed on the brakes. He rolled down the window.

“ _ What the hell are you doing, man?! _ ” he yelled, eyes wide. Tony frowned.

“Language!” he admonished his friend. “Lordy, do you want my kid to be swearing like a sailor before he’s our age?” Rhodey sighed, unlocking the car door and pushing it open. Tony took Peter out of his bassinet and handed him to a clueless Rhodey, who hadn’t the faintest idea how to hold a baby, and shoved the bassinet in the trunk of the car. The trunk wouldn’t close over it, and Tony didn’t bother trying to move it, merely walked to the front seat and plopped down on the passenger’s side, taking his baby back from Rhodey once he was buckled up.

Rhodey started driving, and Peter’s eyes widened dramatically, his bottom lip quivering. The vibrations from the car were obviously bothering him. Tony rocked him slightly, humming, until Peter relaxed, instead allowing the vibrations from the car to lull him into slumber. 

He glanced up, and saw Rhodey grinning at him. 

“What?” Tony asked, feeling self-conscious. 

“Nothing,” Rhodey said, his eyes staying on the road even as the grin never slipped from his face. “It’s just funny watching you with that kid. Never thought you had it in you.” Tony shrugged.

“Guess I matured, or something. Or maybe this is all temporary and I’ll turn out to be a shit dad soon.”

“You’ll be a great dad,” Rhodey assured him. “You’re doing great. Especially for someone your age.” Tony hummed, glancing down at the baby, sleeping peacefully. He sure did sleep a lot. 

“Did I ever tell you what I named him?” Tony asked. Rhodey blinked.

“Uh. Peter, wasn’t it?”

“Peter Edwin James Fitzpatrick-Stark,” Tony said.

“Jesus,” Rhodey said, cackling. “That’s a long name, Tones.”

“I have no regrets,” Tony said. “I named him after Jarvis. And my brother.” Rhodey blinked.

“But you don’t have a-” His mouth snapped shut, his eyes wide. They tinted red and glassy, and his face looked blotchy. He looked like he was about to cry, even as a blinding grin spread across his face. 

“It’s a good name,” Rhodey said. “It fits him.” Tony heard what he didn’t say.  _ You’re my brother too. _

“It is,” Tony replied snarkily. “That’s why I picked it.”  _ I’d never pick anything else.  _

Rhodey smiled, and Tony smiled back. His older friend wiped at his eyes, continuing down the road towards his house. 

He grinned as he finally reached Rhodes' house, just outside the city. It was painted white with a shingled roof and a big front yard, where Rhodey’s sisters were sitting on the front porch, smoking and chatting amongst themselves. Two twin boys were playing on the grass in the front yard, Rhodey’s older sisters’ children, Patrick and Chris. They were kicking a ball back and forth. 

Momma Rhodes ran out of the house as she heard their car pull up. She walked up to Tony’s side of the car, opening the door and helping him out. She smiled at him sadly, obviously taking note of the many bruises that adorned his features. Then her eyes fell on the sleeping baby in his arms, and her features turned soft. She reached out, petting the baby’s thick brown curls. 

“You come on inside, honey,” Momma Rhodes said. “James’s daddy’ll get that bassinet sticking out the back of your car.” Tony nodded, letting her guide him into the car. The baby was placed in his bassinet once Bert, Rhodey’s father, brought it inside. He sat on the couch, rolling the bassinet over to stand beside him. He answered all her questions about college and the baby and let her fuss over him when she asked if he needed painkillers or if he was hungry.

Tony couldn’t help the warm feeling that filled his chest.

He might not be close to his family, but he would always have a family in the Rhodes’. 

And really, that was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> little late. sorry.

The days at the Rhodes’ blended together. 

They lived at least forty minutes away from the hospital, so visiting every day wasn’t always an option - mainly because they weren’t always able to drive him everyday, and Tony couldn’t drive himself. He didn’t have a car seat, and he wasn’t about to leave his kid alone, no matter how much he trusted the Rhodes’.

Which is how he ended up here, begging Rhodey to drive him into the city.

“ _ Please,  _ Rhodey! It’s been two days!”

“Tones, I understand that, but I have homework-”

“Really, Rhodey?  _ Homework? _ Our friend is in the  _ hospital _ and you’re worried about homework?”

“Tones, I’m on a bit of a time crunch, here,” Rhodey said. “I have to finish up all my school work  _ and _ go to basic training in a week or so-” 

Rhodey had recently turned eighteen, and had signed up for the air force. He’d go to boot camp during the summer, finish up at college, and then start climbing the ranks in the military. Tony didn’t like the idea of his friend in the military, but he really had no choice in the matter. It was his friend’s life, and he was dead-set on being in the air force. 

“ _ Forty minutes,  _ Rhodey! You can just drive me up there and drop me and the kid off!”

“ _ No, Tony! _ ”

Tony scowled, marching out of the room and making sure to slam the door extra hard behind him. Fine. He didn’t need Rhodey to drive him, anyway. He could get Momma Rhodes. Or one of Rhodey’s sisters. Or Bert. They were certainly all old enough to drive. 

He decided to head to the sitting room, where Momma Rhodes and Bert were sitting, each of them crocheting tiny socks and hats, probably for Peter. Despite the fact that both were crocheting, their eyes never strayed far from the box-like TV, where a crappy soap opera was playing. Tony knocked on the wall to get their attention. 

“Momma Rhodes?” Tony said when the woman’s attention shifted to the teenager standing in her living room.

“Yes, honey?” Momma Rhodes said, her crochet needles stalling. Bert’s eyes, however, seemed to be glued to the TV, where a woman was telling her brother-in-law that he was the father of her baby.

_ Wow,  _ Tony thought.  _ That’s problematic.  _

“I was wondering if you could maybe drive me into the city so I can see Mary? I haven’t gone in a while.” He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall, going for casual, like it wasn’t that big a deal. He didn’t want her feeling guilty if she didn’t have the time to take him.

“Oh, Tony, I’m sorry,” Momma Rhodes said, and she actually sounded apologetic. “But Marty’s out, and I promised her I’d watch her boys. And you know Shelby, Charlotte, or James can’t be trusted with a turtle, much less the twins.” Tony nodded - that was true. If any of the other Rhodes’ children tried to babysit, only uncontrolled chaos would ensue. 

“I get it,” Tony said. “Sorry for bugging you.”

“You know you never bug me, honey!” Momma Rhodes called as he hurried back up the stairs. 

Shelby only had a learners’ permit, so she wasn’t an option. No way was he getting in a car with his baby if she was behind the wheel. Bert was probably too distracted by his soap opera to even think about leaving the house. Rhodey was too busy with homework. The twins, for obvious reasons, couldn’t drive, and Marty, apparently, was out.

Which left Charlotte. 

Tony shuddered at the thought, but knew he didn’t have another option. 

Charlotte, dubbed Charlie by her brother - a nickname she absolutely loathed - and Charles by everyone else, because of her love of Charles Dickinson and the lovely coincidence of her name, was a formidable young woman aged twenty. She was a tiny thing, barely five feet tall. She was pretty, in her own odd way, and fairly intelligent to boot. 

Tony liked Charlotte. Truly, he did. She had been nothing but kind to him. 

That didn’t stop her from being an absolute nutcase. 

Maybe that was a strong word. There was nothing wrong with her, mentally, and Tony wouldn’t have cared much if there was, it was just how she acted. Always moving, talking a mile a minute, making choices that put Tony’s drunken shenanigans to shame. Not to mention she was rather reckless in the driving department. 

But, he had no other choice. They were starting to ease Mary off the medication that kept her asleep, and she could wake any time from today to two weeks from now, and he had to be there for her when she woke up. 

And so, apprehension settling into every bone in his body, he walked over to Charlotte’s door, and knocked. 

She opened the door, a blinding grin stretching across her face when she saw him. 

Charlotte was about half a foot shorter than Tony - something that made Tony feel better about his own height. While both her sisters and her brother were built like their father, wiry and long-limbed, she was built like her mother, a bit on the heavy side and with a kind look etched into her features. Her hair was done up into dozens upon dozens of braids, which were tied back in a straining hair tie. She had a yellow bandanna wrapped around her head. She was wearing a charcoal grey Spongebob T-shirt - Lord knows why - and hole-y jeans. Her room, behind her, was painted light greys and dark blues. 

“How can I help ya, Tones?” Charlotte asked cheerfully, rocking back and forth on her heels. That was the thing about Charlotte - she always seemed to have to be moving. Fidgeting in one way or another, whether it be with her hair, with a pencil, or simply tapping her foot. She was incapable of standing still. Even in her sleep, she was always twitching. 

“I was actually wondering if you were busy today?” Tony asked, equal parts of him hoping she was and hoping she wasn’t. “I haven’t been to see Mary in a while, and I don’t have a carseat so I’ll have to hold Peter in the passenger seat, and I need someone to drive me but Momma and Rhodey are busy, and-”

“Slow down, Tones,” Charlotte said, laughing. “All ya had to do was ask! Of course I’ll drive you! Do you wanna leave now?” She seemed almost  _ too _ excited to be making a forty minute drive into the city, along with all the traffic that it brought. Tony felt anxiety churning in his belly.

“That’d be great, Charlotte,” Tony said, forcing a grin. “I’ll go get Peter.”

_ Do it for Mary, do it for Mary, do it for Mary… _ Tony thought over and over again as he walked down the stairs toward where he knew Peter would still be waiting, probably taking his nap. Or staring at the ceiling. He found ceilings very interesting, for whatever reason. 

The baby was, indeed, gazing up at the ceiling, though he seemed to be listening to the soap opera Bert and Momma Rhodes were watching as well. Tony picked him up carefully, cradling him in his arms as if he were a priceless jewel. Which he was, in Tony’s humble opinion. 

“Hey, little man!” Tony said, smiling down at the small baby in his arms. “Do you wanna go with me and your Auntie Charlotte today to see your momma?” The baby gurgled. “I’m gonna assume that’s a yes.” He said goodbye to Bert and Momma Rhodes and exited the house, heading toward his car, where Charlotte was already waiting, tapping impatiently on the steering wheel. 

_ Whelp. Now or never,  _ Tony thought, walking to the car like a man going to his execution. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings for: Panic attacks.

Tony regretted everything the moment he stepped into the car. 

_ Shelby _ would’ve been a better option, now that he thought about it, even if she technically didn’t have a license. Anything was better than  _ this _ .

Tony had one arm pressing his son close. The seat belt was strapped over both of them, laying on Peter’s back. With one hand, Tony was clutching the seat. He was half tempted to roll down the window so he could vomit, but he didn’t trust Charlotte enough not to take a sharp turn and throw him out of the car window. 

He should’ve just gotten Bert to take him. Or walked the thirty-or-so miles to the hospital. Anything,  _ anything,  _ was better than this.

Tony felt himself tense up as they turned into the city, and into a long, winding line of traffic. Charlotte laid on the horn every few seconds, adding to the cacophony of noises around them, an orchestra of drivers who were late to work, heading to a social gathering, or just plain  _ angry _ in a way only New York drivers could be. Tony sunk low in his seat, taking the infant sleeping peacefully on through the noise with him, as Charlotte decided to use sign language to express her displeasure toward everyone around her. 

It took them a distressing amount of time to get to the hospital. He stumbled out of the car with a gag as soon as it stopped, Peter waking up with a half-confused-half-irritated wail as he did. Tony hushed him as he tried to catch his bearings, Charlotte climbing out of the car with a chuckle a few moments later. Tony shot her a glare that lacked any real intensity, walking on shaky legs to the front doors of the hospital. Charlotte skipped along behind him. 

  
  
  


The woman at the front desk took one look at him before guiding giving him the room number. Apparently she recognised him. Or perhaps she had been told to look out for a scrawny teenager carrying a baby who looked like he had been beat within an inch of his life. Either or seemed rather likely. 

Mary would be kept in the ICU until she woke from the coma which - the doctors had informed him - with how she was developing, would more than likely happen within the next two-ish days. She was still hooked up to more machines than Tony was comfortable with, but she looked healthier. Sure, there was a giant tube stuck down her throat, but she looked less pale, her hair less lanky. The sweat that had been constantly dotting her forehead, thanks to the fever, was gone now that she’d had surgery. 

In short, she looked…. Good. Better. She didn’t look like Mary, not yet, but she was getting back to her old self, and Tony couldn’t really ask for anything else, given the situation. 

Peter had his head resting on Tony’s chest, big brown eyes gazing at Mary with an indifferent look on his face. Tony wondered if he recognized her. Probably not. Why would he? Had Tony ever even taken Peter to visit Mary? Has anyone? Or had they taken away the baby as soon as he was born? Had Mary even been  _ conscious?  _

_ Some friend you are, Stark,  _ the cynical voice in his head said. It always sounded so familiar, but he could never place it.  _ How do you not remember this? _

_ Fuck off,  _ Tony shot back.

He sat in the chair at her bedside, Charlotte taking the one on the other side of the hospital bed awkwardly. She had never really met Mary before, and didn’t know much about her, besides the stories Rhodey and Tony told her. 

“That’s...” Charlotte seemed to be looking for the right word. Her fidgeting increased tenfold. “She’s a lot worse than I was expecting.” Tony snorted.

“You shoulda seen her before the surgery,” Tony said sadly. “She looked like a corpse. She was so pale, and her hair was so stiff and- and if you held her hand, she was so cold… the doctors said something about it being poor circulation, because of lack of oxygen and all that, but… it was still a bad shock.”

“I’m sure,” Charlotte said, looking at Mary’s still form with sad eyes. Her fingers were twisting relentlessly. Did the fidgeting increase when she was nervous? 

“Do… do you think it was my fault?” Tony asked, quietly. “That she’s in this mess in the first place? That she had to go through surgery? That she almost died? Was it all my fault, in the end?” Charlotte, for the first time since Tony had met her, went still. Her eyes took on a fire that Tony had never seen before, and Tony was reminded intensely of Momma Rhodes. 

“None of this is your fault, Tones,” Charlotte said resolutely. “None of it. Got it?  _ None of this is your fault.  _ It’s just a bad situation all around, alright? But none of this could  _ possibly _ be your fault.”

“I-if I had taken her to the doctor sooner. If I hadn’t gotten her pregnant in the first place. If I hadn’t been so goddamned  _ selfish- _ ”

“What are you  _ talking about _ , Tones?” Charlotte demanded. 

“I’m the reason she got sick,” Tony said. “ _ Me.  _ No one else.  _ Me. _ ”

“How the hell could you have managed that?” Charlotte asked. “Are you God, Tones? Are you the sickness itself?  _ No.  _ You’re  _ not.  _ So this is  _ not _ your fault.”

“You don’t know what happened,” Tony insisted.

“Then  _ tell me. _ ”

Tony sighed, and did as asked, head hung in shame.

  
  
  


_ Tony was nearing the end of his rope.  _

_ If he had to deal with one more phone call from Mary asking him to bring her Red Hots, he was going to lose it. They weren’t even good.  _

_ He was deeply immersed in his work in the lab, bent over his chemistry assignment. Tony had perfect grades in all his classes, and he knew he was amazing in chemistry, but he didn’t know his way around it as much as he did engineering. And if he came back home with anything less than a perfect score… _

_ And so, there he was, leaning over a microscope, studying a compound. They were supposed to combine two mystery substances given by the teacher - all different, and all completely harmless, she had assured - and come back knowing what the compound was. Problem was, try as he might, Tony just couldn’t figure the damn thing out. It was such a complicated formula, he could barely tell what elements had been mixed together.  _

_ That’s when he had gotten the phone call, from a home phone he always carried around in his bag. Mary had the other one. She was supposed to call him when she needed him. More than likely asking him to make her salted lemons or for him to fetch her Red Hots. But he just didn’t have the  _ time....

_ The labs were on the basement level, multiple layers of concrete between him and the outside world. He hadn’t known that it was raining, the droplets falling down in heavy, icy sheets. He hadn’t known that Mary was stranded in the downpour, shivering in a too big hurry. He hadn’t known that the reason Mary hadn’t called again was because the rain had ruined the phone.  _

_ And he’d have to live with it, the knowledge that all of Mary’s pains and suffering could’ve been avoided, had he just picked up the phone, Red Hots be damned.  _

_ But he hadn’t. And Mary got sick. Just a cold, at first, barely even a case of the sniffles. Nothing that couldn’t be helped by Nyquil.  _

_ And then the symptoms got worse. They’d been so focused on their school work, the end of the year finals rearing their ugly heads, that they hadn’t gone to the hospital until Mary literally couldn’t breathe.  _

_ All because Tony couldn’t be bothered to pick her up out of the rain.  _

_ He hated himself.  _

  
  
  


“Coincidence,” Charlotte said immediately. “Not your fault.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“ _ She could’ve died! _ ” Tony shouted. “She could’ve died, and never met Pete, and-and- it’s all my fault!” His chest felt tight. His eyes burned. Each breath stung, like his lungs were being binded by an elastic cord. It only made his frantic state worse, realising he couldn’t breathe properly.

_ Good,  _ the voice said.  _ Now you know how Mary felt. How you made her feel. _

His vision was blurry. Images of Mary, on a cold table, skin as cold as ice flashed behind his eyelids when he closed his eyes. Visions of a baby, blue lips and grey skin, wrapped in a towel and handed to him with care. Not Peter. Peter wiggled. Peter cooed. Peter didn’t still, didn’t quiet, not even in his sleep. So why-

_ Dead. Your fault. All your fault. _

“T-t-t-take the baby,” he stuttered, arms feeling like rubber. He had no doubt he would drop it if they didn’t. Someone took the baby from his arms, and he collapsed back against the stiff backed chair, running free hands through his tufty hair. 

_ Dead. Dead. DEAD! _

_ SHUT UP! _

He couldn’t tell whether he was talking in his head or thinking out loud. Was there even a difference, really?

There were frantic whispers. Hands on his shoulders. A warm palm on his cheek. Tony couldn’t focus. Tony felt like he was dying. Tony wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not, anymore.

_ It’s what you deserve,  _ the cynical voice said. These thoughts, the thoughts of dying, that had been erased back at the beach when he thought there would be no one left to care for Peter, came running back full sprint. 

_ No. _

_ Yes. _

_ NO! _

_ “Tony!” _

He let out a final, shuddering gasp. And then the world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a h*e for comments.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wakes up following his attack, and someone else does too.

There was something soft, strapped to his face. His chest felt heavy, and his eyes felt puffy, like he’d been crying. He was so tired. So, so tired.

He lifted a trembling hand to his face, covered by what appeared to be an oxygen mask, only to have a small hand gently guide his hand away from it. He opened his eyes slowly, hissing slightly at the bright, near-unbearable light that shone into them. 

_ Fucking hell…  _ he thought. And, apparently, said, when a stern “language!” was heard from someone who could only be Charlotte. 

“W-what- where am-” His voice was unbearably raspy. Someone pressed a cup to his lips, and cold water ran down his throat. 

“You scared the hell out of me, Tones!” Charlotte admonished. “One minute we’re talkin’ and the next you’re on the floor, hyperventilating-”

“W-what?” 

“It would seem you had an anxiety attack, Mr Stark,” a kind voice said. He looked up. It was the nurse. The nurse who had found him after Howard had beaten him to a pulp in the waiting room. And then had proceeded to leave him….

“Fuck you,” he spat, mind still fuzzy. He turned over on his side. He was on a hospital bed, for the time being, it would seem. Because of an anxiety attack. 

_ Well that’s fucking stupid. _

“Tony!” Charlotte gasped, shocked. The nurse merely smiled understandingly. 

“I’d like to apologise for what I did,” the nurse said. “I shouldn’t have left you in there on your own without helping you. That was wrong. I’m supposed to be a healthcare professional - I can’t go leaving injured boys by themselves.” Tony glared at her.

“I could have had a bad concussion,” he said. The idea to be angry with the nurse had only occurred to him after seeing her again, after she had left him alone in that waiting room, beaten, bruised, bloody. 

“Yes, you could have,” the nurse acknowledged. “Which is why I’m sorry for leaving you.” Tony nodded. Then stopped. “I’m sorry,  _ anxiety attack? Me? _ ” 

“I’m going to assume this is the first time this has happened,” the nurse said. 

“I- uh, I think so?” He thought back, to when he was younger, hiding in his bed under the covers, sobbing when his breaths got short. After Mary had told him she was pregnant. 

Nowhere near as bad as this one. It didn’t even come close. But the nurse didn’t need to know that.

“No. No, it hasn’t ever happened before,” Tony said. “This would be a first.” The nurse looked skeptical, but nodded. 

“Okay,” she said. “Well, it might just be a one time thing then. But if it  _ has _ happened before, it may continue happening. Anxiety attacks are basically a physical reaction to stress, and no offence, but you don’t seem like you get a lot of down time.” Tony shrugged. “Well! It’s nothing to be overly worried about, in any case. I’d recommend practicing breathing exercises, for when this does happen, just in case. Maybe see a doctor, if it continues happening, but there’s really nothing more you can do for it, I’m afraid.” Apparently she had seen right through his ‘this has never happened before’ lie.

“Alrighty, then,” the nurse said. “You can stay here, if you like - I know you must be tired. But if you want to get up and go back to the ICU, there’s nothing stopping you. Just make sure you get a lot of rest some time today, and you should be okay.” She clapped her hands together, smiling. “I have to go. I’ve got to get some blood for lab work and all that-”

“It’s okay,” Tony said. “Go ahead.” The nurse nodded, leaving the hospital room. Tony sighed, relaxing back against the bed, if only for a moment, before he had to get up again. It was surprisingly comfortable, for a hospital bed. Or maybe he was just tired. 

Probably the latter. 

“I hope you know I’m not letting you get out of bed,” Charlotte informed him.

“That’s not your decision.”

“I’ll tell Momma.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Don’t test me, boy.”

“Fine,” he relented, because he really was tired. “Thirty minutes.”

“An hour.”

“Forty-five minutes.”

“ _ Tony. _ ”

“Fine. An hour.” 

“Thank you.” She crossed her legs, leaning back in her hospital chair. 

“Give me Peter.”

The baby in questions was in her arms, drooling on her shoulder. She was clearly uncomfortable, but she still shook her head no. 

“You’re going to be asleep, Tones. You don’t need to be holding the baby.”

“I’ve slept holding him before!”

“What if you have another anxiety attack or something?”

“That’s not gonna happen. It’s a reaction to stress. I’m not stressed. I’m fine. Completely fine.”

“Yep. I totally believe that.” Tony clenched his jaw.

“Charlotte,” he said, trying to hold back an anger he didn’t understand. “Give me. My son.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Tony-”

“ _ He’s my baby! _ ” Tony shouted. “ _ Mine.  _ Not yours!  _ Mine!  _ I know whether I can hold him or not!”

“Tony...”

“GIVE ME THE BABY!” 

Charlotte’s face went hard and stony. She sighed as Peter started to wail quietly, obviously startled by the loud noise. His small face went red, and a tear slipped down his face.

“You scared him.”

“He wouldn’t  _ be _ scared if you had given him to me!” Tony shouted, feeling like he was going to start crying right along with the baby. He was so tired. So, so tired. And Peter had been dead.  _ Dead.  _

Charlotte’s shoulders slumped, before he passed the baby over to him. Tony held him tightly, rocking him back and forth, humming a tune he couldn’t quite remember under his breath. The baby calmed slightly, eyes slipping closed as he tired himself out. Tony sighed, letting his own eyes slide closed, focusing on the sound of his son’s breathing.

  
**~-~**   
  


Mary began to start to wake up early the next morning, while Tony was still sleeping. It had been a long process, answering all of her confused questions, only for her to pass out and ask the same questions later on. It was a little worrying for Tony, when he was told, but the doctors assured him it was perfectly normal. That she’d be back to her old self in no time. 

Tony hoped so. God, he hoped so. 

“Hey, Princess,” Tony said when Mary woke up again later that day. Peter was asleep in a bassinet in the corner, borrowed from the hospital. Mary had a blank look on her face, blinking at him sleepily. 

“Tony?” she said, voice raspy. Tony nodded. 

“Yeah. It’s me,” he said, smiling at her. Mary smiled back, though she made it look like it took a lot of energy. “You gave us quite the scare there, Mary.”

Mary looked confused. 

“What? Why?”

Tony sighed. He reached out a hand, running it through her hair, and smiled at her sadly. 

“I’ll explain later,” he said.  _ She’ll just forget anyway… _ “How you feeling?”

Mary blinked up at him, as if searching for the right answer. She looked so lost, and it made Tony’s heart ache. But at the same time, it was so good to actually see her  _ awake _ . It had been far too long since he had heard her voice. 

“I don’t know,” she eventually answered. “I feel all floaty. An’ achy.” She frowned. “Tony, what happened?” Her voice was laced with something akin to panic.

“You…. Took a little tumble. But you’re okay. You’re gonna be fine.”

“W-what...” Her face went pale. “The baby? Is the baby okay? What happened to the baby?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer her in a way that wouldn’t overwhelm her. How was he supposed to tell her that the baby was already born, that he was almost a month old? 

“They’re fine,” Tony said, deciding it would be best to let her believe she was still pregnant, for the time being. Until she was lucid enough to hear the truth. “Our baby is fine. Just fine.” Mary nodded, relaxing. It looked like all the tension had left her body at once, and she started blinking up at him sleepily.

“Go ahead and go back to sleep,” Tony said. “I’ll be here when you wake up.” Mary nodded.

“I love ya, Tones,” Mary murmured sleepily. Tony had to choke back a sob. 

“I love you too, Princess.”

  
**~-~**   
  


Mary started waking up for long stretches of time and remembering conversations shortly after that. Which left the explaining. Which, of course, fell on Tony. Because why not. 

It wasn’t like they could just leave her believing she was still pregnant. For one, it was impractical - when she noticed how flat her belly had gotten, and she was bound to notice, she would figure it out. Not to mention it would just be unnecessarily cruel.

And so, Tony explained everything. Which was… a tad bit difficult. 

It had been a day and a half since she had woken up. She was still exhausted, immeasurably so, but she wasn’t going to pass out on him anymore, which he was grateful for. 

“Hey, Princess,” Tony said, walking into the hospital room. Peter was being watched by a nurse in another room, for the time being, so Tony could talk to Mary. Tony wasn’t sure whether to be grateful for that or not. On the one hand, it would probably be easier to talk to her about this without a baby being in the room. On the other hand, Tony really didn’t like being away from Peter for extended periods of time. But he supposed it was necessary, in this situation. 

“Hi, Tones,” Mary said quietly. 

“Look, Mary...” He gulped. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to start this conversation. “We need to talk.”

_ Well, let’s drag this out then, shall we? _

“What… what is it?” Mary asked, looking alarmed. Tony sighed. 

“It’s about the baby.” 

Mary froze. She didn’t move. She didn’t blink. 

“What about the baby?” she finally asked.

“The baby was born. Before they put you into the coma, they performed an emergency c-section, per your request, and delivered the baby. It’s a boy.”

“O-okay. Is… is he alright?” Mary asked.

“Oh, he’s fine, Mary,” Tony said. “He’s fine right now. But he wasn’t a little while ago. He’s too small, his lungs weren’t funny developed… he’ll probably need an inhaler when he’s older. He was in the NICU, for a while, and he’s fine now but… the doctors were pretty sure he wasn’t going to make it. But he did. And he’s fine. So don’t worry.” 

Mary stared at him.

“You just told me my kid was on the brink of death and I’m just supposed to not worry? Are you kidding me, Tones?”

“That-that’s fair.”

“Where’s the baby now? Can I see him?” Mary asked.

“Uh, he’s in the next room over. With a nurse. I’ll go get him.” He stood up quickly, leaving the hospital room and heading toward the room his son resided in. He thanked the nurse and grabbed the baby, holding him against his chest with a sigh. The baby gurgled away innocently, entirely oblivious to the conflict going on around him.

_ That’s probably for the best,  _ Tony thought, running his fingers through Peter’s unruly mop of hair. He steeled himself, turned out of the room, and headed back to Mary’s hospital room.

Peter had to meet his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cocks gun* GIMME ALL YOUR COMMENTS!
> 
> ((Is that how that saying goes? who knows. ))


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary meets Peter.

As Mary stared at the small baby in Tony’s arms, she looked like she wasn’t quite sure what to do with herself, and Tony wasn’t exactly sure what Mary was going to do next. Would she try and hold him? Ask about him? Coo at him? Reject him, like Tony had almost done, days ago?

That brief stint of unsureness had only been a couple weeks ago. Maybe a little longer. It felt like decades. 

Eventually, Mary situated herself on the bed into a more comfortable position, and held her hands out for the boy. Tony handed the child over, stomach churning. 

There was this saying, that Tony had heard more times than he could count. That when you’re nervous, it felt as if there were butterflies in your stomach. Tony didn’t think that was very accurate. For him, it felt like there were killer bees. 

It was the way he felt whenever his father glanced over his report cards, or the grades on his test. How he’d felt, at a much younger age, when he tried to show Howard his finished projects. The familiar dread building up in his stomach, the suredness that Howard wouldn’t like it, wouldn’t view his accomplishments as something to be proud of. The dread was usually right. 

But this wasn’t Howard. This was Mary. Sweet, intelligent, kind Mary. Why should he be worried about whether or not she’ll like Peter? He was her kid too. Surely she would…

The killer bees raged on. 

Mary gazed down at the round-faced infant. His big brown eyes were crinkled slightly as he looked up at her. A single, thick brown curl laid on his forehead. Mary hadn’t moved a fraction of an inch the entire time she had looked at him. Peter shot her his signature gummy smile, and that seemed to make her melt, if only for a moment. She smiled back.

“Hi, Peter,” she said. The baby gurgled in a manner that was rather gross, but could only be seen as endearing to the new parents. “I’m your momma,” she said, as if the baby needed the clarification. Tony chuckled. 

“Are my parents here?” Mary asked, turning to Tony. Tony winced. 

“Um. I’m not sure, really. They might be in an apartment not too far away. Or they might’ve gone home. I didn’t really…. Stick around long enough to find out.”

“What did you do,” Mary said. She looked closer at him. “Oh my God, what happened to your face?”

“You’re just now noticing that?” 

“I was a little distracted by the baby, Tones,” Mary deadpanned. 

“Fair enough. Uh, that’s a bit of a long story. Well, not really, but I’d, uh, rather not talk about it right now. I’ll explain later. As for your parents...”

He explained, words verging on rambling in a way that only Tony Stark was capable of. He explained all the glares from her father, and the bitter air that surrounded her mother. How they’d made no move to help him or Peter for the duration of his short stay in the apartment. How they hadn’t even held, or tried to hold, Peter  _ once.  _ So, he’d packed up his bags a few days ago, and moved in with the Rhodes’ family.

“Charlotte’s still here,” Tony added. “I doubt you’ll be released today, but I’m sure they’ll let us stay with them until school starts back up, if you want. The house would be a little crowded but...” Tony shrugged. 

“God, Tones, I’m so sorry,” Mary said, looking genuinely regretful. Tony frowned. 

“What do you have to be sorry about?” Tony asked, confused. 

“My parents treated you horribly-”

“Princess, that wasn’t your fault!” Tony exclaimed. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I probably deserved it, being I didn’t get you in the hospital fast enough! I only left because they weren’t good for the baby-”

“You didn’t deserve that, Tones,” Mary said sadly. “And it wasn’t your fault I ended up in the hospital. You couldn’t have stopped me from getting sick.”

“I left you out in the rain!” Tony said. “You called me for a ride and I ignored you! And you wanna know why I ignored you? Because I was being a selfish bastard! If I had gone and picked you up, this whole mess could have been avoided!”

“Or me being sick had nothing to do with the rain and I would’ve ended up in the hospital regardless,” Mary said. 

“Mary-”

“Tony,” Mary said in that tone of voice that Tony knew meant it was time for him to shut up. “Pneumonia isn’t caused by standing out in the rain. It can weaken your body’s natural defenses, but it isn’t a direct cause of it. And  _ bad _ pneumonia doesn’t usually lead to surgery. Well, besides a chest tube, but that’s not what all they did, as far as I know. It probably wasn’t even pneumonia to begin with. Point is, it wasn’t your fault.”

“But I-”

“Tony,” Mary said sternly. “It. Wasn’t. Your. Fault.” Tony nodded numbly. He’d believe it. For now. Maybe. 

He wasn’t sure whether he truly believed it was his fault, or if he just didn’t want to forgive himself. Maybe both. 

“Whatever,” Tony said, trying to change the subject. “Um. I should probably ask the doctors when you can be discharged.”

“We’re talking about this later, Tony,” Mary said as he walked out of the hospital room. Tony waved a hand dismissively, searching for the nearest nurse. 

  
**~-~**

Turns out that, should Mary be given the all clear, she could be released late the next day after a night of careful observation. Both parties couldn’t have been happier. They were both sick of the fake smell of the hospital - bleach and lemon and disinfectant. The bruises and the crying and the deaths. 

“I think we should stay with Rhodey,” Tony said as the doctor left the room to get Mary’s discharge papers. “I know we talked about having our own place and everything, but.... Y’know, we can’t handle that. I doubt I’ll be able to get any money from my father, now, and it would be better for Peter to grow up around people. And Momma Rhodes is good with kids -”

“Okay,” Mary said, smiling. “We’ll stay with Rhodey’s family for now. I think it’s a great idea, Tony.” Tony sighed in relief. 

“You do?” 

“Sure!” Mary said. “I mean, it would probably be easier. If Rhodey’s family is okay with it, I don’t see why not.”

“Okay,” Tony said, nodding. “I’ll go call Momma!”

He stood up, weaving around the nurse that had returned with Mary’s papers and made his way outside the hospital to the nearest pay phone. 

Momma Rhodes was all too happy to let them stay, saying it was no problem with her, and that they could live there as long as they needed. She also said that Rhodey would be there to pick them up soon - Charlotte had gone home the previous day - and that she and Bert would have dinner ready by the time they got back. Tony thanked her profusely and hung up, heading back into the hospital, where Mary had changed into her old clothes and was finishing signing her papers. 

“Ready to go?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Mary said. The nurse left the room to get Mary a wheelchair - per hospital protocol - and Rhodey was already waiting for them outside the hospital. He stood up to help Mary into the car, despite her insistence that she was fine, easing her down into the back seat gently. There was a car seat meant for a baby in the other back seat, old and frayed and stained by milk - probably belonging to one of Rhodey’s nephews, Patrick or Chris. Tony grabbed the baby from Mary - who had been holding him - and placed him in the car seat, strapping him in and tucking a soft yellow blanket up under his chin. Peter started fussing, and Tony pressed a quick kiss to the baby’s forehead before heading to the front seat. 

Not five minutes later, Peter started letting out long, shrieking cries. Mary tried to soothe the baby who still wasn’t used to the carseat, trying everything. Tickling his tummy, giving him the pacifier, rattling a toy in front of him. The baby’s cries never ceased, and Tony thought he might make himself sick if he didn’t calm down. Rhodey’s hands were white-knuckled on the steering wheel of the car. 

“Tony, how do I make him stop?” Mary asked, looking close to tears. Tony scrubbed a hand across his face.

“I-I-I don’t know!” Tony said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Well how did you get him to stop crying before?” Mary and Rhodey demanded in unison. It was almost frightening, though no one in the car was clear headed enough to see that with the baby’s cries ringing out. 

“I-I-”

Well.

“You can’t laugh,” Tony said, wincing. “I swear to God, Rhodey, if you laugh, I’m going to strangle you-”

“Tony I don’t care what you do so long as you get your baby to shut the Hell up!” 

Tony sighed. Took a deep breath.

“ _ Stranded at the drive-in, _ ” he sang. “ _ Branded a fool.... _ ” The baby’s cries quieted, ever so slightly. Both Rhodey and Mary were staring at him incredulously. “ _ What will they say… Monday at school? _ ”

“ _ Mary... _ ” he looked at her pointedly. “ _ Can’t you see? I’m in misery.... _ ” Mary snorted, and Rhodey had to suppress laughter. The baby’s cries died down to small whimpers. “ _ We made a start, now we’re apart, and there’s nothing left for me... _ ”

His voice rose in volume. 

“ _ Love has flown, all alone…. I sit. And wonder. Whyyyyyyy, oh why, you left me? Oh, Mary... _ ” Rhodey’s shoulders shook. “ _ Oh Mary…. Baby… When MIT is done... _ ” Mary was cackling. “ _ Somehow… someway… our two worlds will be one... _ ” He pointed at Peter, and Mary had to wipe tears from her eyes. “ _ In Heaven… forever… and ever we will be... _ ” His voice rose to a high. 

“ _ Oh please… say you’ll stay… Oh, Mary! _ ”

His voice went deep.

“ _ Oh, Mary my darlin’... _ ” Mary and Rhodey choked on air. “ _ You hurt me real bad... _ ” Tony clutched at his heart dramatically. “ _ You know it’s true… but baby, you gotta believe me when I say… I’m helpless, without you. _ ”

“Damn right, you are.”

“ _ Love has flown! _ ” He used the water bottle in the cup holder as a microphone. Rhodey seemed to be having trouble driving. “ _ All alone! I sit and wonder whyyyy…. Oh, WHY… You left me… Oh, Mary... _ ”

“ _ Mary… Mary… Why? _ ”

“ _ Oh Mary... _ ”

They pulled into the Rhodes’ driveway, Rhodey collapsing out of the car in a fit of laughter and Tony following him soon after. Mary leaned against her car window, letting out breathless giggles. The baby, in the car seat, was fast asleep. 

Momma Rhodes marched outside and stood before the scene, arms crossed as she waited for them to stop laughing. 

“What in the  _ Sam Hill _ is goin’ on here?”

Rhodey and Tony glanced up at her from where they were lying in the dirt before collapsing into another wave of helpless laughter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments give brain serotonin.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paint, a serious conversation, and some spaghetti. 
> 
> trigger warnings for: talk of abuse, homophobic and bullying mentions, talk of death, and angst.

Momma Rhodes made spaghetti with garlic bread. The adults sipped fruit punch out of wine glasses and the kids - Rhodey, Mary and Tony included - sipped fruit punch out of pink plastic cups. The food was delicious, as Momma Rhodes and Bert’s cooking was prone to be, and Tony practically melted in his chair as he ate plate after plate of spaghetti. Mary ate much less than him, her stomach still getting used to regular food that wasn’t an IV drip or hospital food, though she seemed to enjoy it just as much as he did. The youngest children at the table, Patrick and Chris, had spaghetti sauce smeared across their faces. Peter was fast asleep in a bassinet in the corner, having already eaten, and wouldn’t be hungry for the next four hours or so. 

Tony was practically falling asleep at the table, warm food making his head heavy and foggy. The chatter at the table served as a background noise, sleep grasping at his conscious mind, trying to draw him in. 

“Alright, alright,” Momma Rhodes said. “I think  _ someone _ needs to get to bed.” She looked pointedly at Tony, who was still swaying in his seat. “You mind helping him up the stairs, Jim?”

“Sure thing, Momma,” Rhodey said, rising from his chair and hauling Tony out of his seat. “Come on, Tones. Time for bed.”

“No.”

“Tony.”

“No.”

Rhodey sighed. 

“Please, man?”

“You’re carrying me.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Then I’ll sit my happy ass down at the table and-”

Rhodey groaned, long suffering, before crouching in front of Tony. Tony hopped on his back happily, relaxing, arms dangling over Rhodey’s shoulders. 

“Onward, Honeybear!” he said, pointing toward the stairs. Rhodey started walking. Mary followed them after grabbing Peter from his bassinet. Rhodey took him up to his bedroom, dumping him on his bed and tucking him in. Tony smiled up at him. 

“Love ya, Platypus,” Tony said. Rhodey rolled his eyes, though Tony could tell he was fond. 

“Love you too, Tones.”

“Mary?” Tony called when Mary turned to follow Rhodey out the door. “Can- can you stay in here? Just for the night?” Mary raised an eyebrow. “I just want to sleep near Petey, and it’s not like we’ve never slept in the same room before, so...” Mary shrugged, nudging Tony over on the bed and climbing in beside him. She places Peter in between them, fast asleep and with his fist in his mouth. 

Tony stares up at the ceiling, suddenly feeling wide awake.

“You… you asked what happened? To my face?”

“Yeah?” Mary asked, turning towards him slightly and propping herself up on her elbow. Half of her face was covered by a curtain of curly blonde hair. 

“It was Howard,” Tony said quietly, almost too quiet to hear. “It, uh. It was pretty bad. The bastard almost broke my ribs, gave me a concussion… Hey, I’m fine now!” Tony said quickly at her horrified expression. “Just… you asked, so...”

“Oh, Tones...” she said quietly, sounding heartbroken. “Tony, I’m so sorry...”

“Wasn’t your fault,” Tony said. “Stop apologising.”

“Okay,” Mary said. “Is there something else you’re not telling me?”

“Yeah,” he said. “J-Jarvis, my butler? You remember him?” Mary nodded. “He, uh. He died a little while ago. I watched him die. And then I almost walked into the ocean and started having, like, prophetic dreams from the great beyond or some shit but that’s not important right now-”

Mary sat up, adjusting the pillow so it was on her side of the bed in case Peter fell off, and moved over to Tony’s side. Tony looked at her quizzically. She opened her arms, as if asking permission to hug him. Tony’s eyes burned slightly.

“Y-yeah,” Tony said, voice slightly shaky. Tony sat up, and Mary wrapped her arms around him, rubbing circles in his back as his shoulders shook slightly. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Tony,” Mary said. Tony nodded against her shoulder, and Mary carded her fingers through his tufty brown hair. 

“J-Jarvis, he… he  _ raised me _ , man-”

“I know, I know...” 

“J-Jarvis… he told me to have hope. T-that if I did t-that, it would all be okay…. But…. I’m so sorry, Princess, I just don’t know  _ how- _ ” 

“It’s okay,” Mary said. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re both out of our depth, but it’s gonna be okay, I promise. We will  _ make _ it okay.”

“Here’s hoping, right?” Tony said, voice thick. Mary chuckled.

“Right.” They sat like that for a little while longer, not saying anything, Tony taking the comfort that Mary offered and Mary just happy to make him feel better. “You tired, hon?” Tony nodded. “Lay down and get some sleep, okay? I’ll still be here in the morning.”

Tony nodded, laying down, Mary crawled back to her side of the bed, replacing her pillow to its former place. Tony laid an arm across Peter’s stomach gently, muscle memory at that point. Mary took his hand in her own, rubbing patterns into his knuckles.

“I love you, Princess. You know that, right?” 

“Yeah, Tones, I know,” Mary said, smiling. “I love you too.” Tony smiled, before slipping off to sleep.

  
  


**~-~**

“ _ Peter! _ ” Tony said, staring at his three month old son in shock. It was late in the summer, a few weeks before school would start again, and Tony and Mary were still living with the Rhodes family. He was attempting to watch all the kids at once - Patrick, Chris, and little Peter. And they were all little demons - even Peter, who was usually an angel.

_ Well,  _ Tony thought offhandedly.  _ Satan was an angel at one point, so... _

Chris and Patrick had asked Tony if they could get the paints out and paint something for Momma Rhodes. Tony hadn’t seen a problem with it, since it was kid paint anyway, and would be easy to wash out should they stain their clothes or skin.

What he hadn’t expected was for the two twin boys to use his son as canvas. 

“ _ Oh my God, _ ” Tony said, hands covering his face as his shoulders shook with laughter. Oh, Mary was going to  _ kill him.  _

“Oh, baby, what did they do to you?” Tony asked, crouching by his son. Peter had recently learned to sit up by himself, though he still couldn’t get around on his own. The boys had dragged him into the kitchen to paint, though Peter looked as if he hadn’t been able to get any painting done. A glob of paint dribbled from his chubby chin. The paint was quick to dry, making his skin sticky. Peter’s lip jutted out, and he squirmed, obviously uncomfortable. 

He had left for  _ five minutes.  _

He moved to pick his son up, but before he could, a glob of blue paint was pelted at his head. It was Chris, two smears of blue paint on the boy’s cheeks, grinning from ear to ear. Tony had blue paint dripping from his hair. 

“Chris,” Tony said. “Look at the mess you made! Your ma’s gonna get you, kid!” 

The almost-four-year-old shrugged.

Tony hated children.

Except for his child. His child was an angel. His child was the victim here, covered from head to toe in sticky paint and looking like he was a second away from crying. 

Chris threw another glob of paint.

“ _ Christopher Allan Rhodes! _ ” Tony said, standing up and trying to shake the paint from his hair. The boy giggled. “Wait… where’s Pat?”

The three year old jumped down onto his back, hands smearing hot pink paint on his neck. The other three year old grabbed a paint brush and continued painting Peter while Tony was occupied with Patrick. 

He heard the front door open.

“ _ Help! _ ” he called, gagging as paint got in his mouth.

And then the whole Rhodes family was in the kitchen, plus Mary. Bert seemed to be in shock, Marty looked horrified, Mary immediately ran to her baby, Shelby was indifferent, both Charlotte and Rhodey were trying to hold in their laughter, and Momma Rhodes looked murderous. 

Chris dropped his paint brush immediately, stepping away from Mary and the baby, trying to look casual. Patrick dropped down from Tony’s back. 

“I’m only goin’ ta ask this  _ once _ ,'' Momma Rhodes said, accent a million times thicker now that she was angry. “What. The  _ Hell. _ Is goin’ on here?!”

Peter started crying. Mary rocked him back and forth, getting smeared in paint in the process.

“The boys said they wanted to do some painting,” Tony said, not meeting the woman’s eyes. “I left to find them more paper and to use the restroom, and when I came back...” He pointed at Peter, who was staring at the wall over Mary’s shoulder blankly. 

“You  _ let the twins paint? _ ” Momma Rhodes demanded. 

“That… yeah...”

“We  _ never _ let the twins paint, Tony!” Tony winced.

“Well you didn’t tell me that!” 

Momma sighed.

“Just go get that baby in the tub,” Momma Rhodes said, rubbing her temples. 

“Yes, Momma...” Mary stood up, and Tony followed her into the bathroom. After undressing the baby, Mary started washing him, and Tony handed her rags and soaps on her request. 

They could still hear Momma Rhodes raising Hell downstairs. 

“Lord, they got you good, huh, honey?” Mary asked. The boy had stopped crying as soon as he’d been placed in the bath. The baby slapped the water, giggling as soapy water went everywhere. Mary and Tony smiled fondly. 

“He’s a good kid,” Tony said as Peter tried to hold water in his chubby little hands.

“Of course,” Mary said. “A little hyper, but...”

“Is that even  _ normal? _ ” Tony asked. “The hyper thing? Aren’t most kids supposed to be sleeping a lot at this age?”

“Well, yeah,” Mary admitted. “But he just likes moving around, I think. And because he moves around so much he already knows how to sit up on his own, and he’ll probably be able to crawl soon. Babies usually start doing that at six months.”

“I just wish he wasn’t so tiny,” Tony admitted. “I don’t want him getting made fun of for that when he’s older.” 

Mary shrugged.

“He’s got short parents.”

“Yeah, he’s got a short father, and I was teased mercilessly in grade school for how small I was.”

“You were  _ also _ years younger than them,” Mary reminded him. 

“We probably shouldn’t let him skip any grades, if the teachers ask,” Tony said. “If he’s smart we could just… put him in a fancy STEM school or something. Or get him a private instructor. Or something.”

“Oh, definitely,” Mary said. “All that ‘skipping grades’ stuff messes with your development as well. Fuck that.”

“ _ Language, _ ” Tony reprimanded. 

“ _ Hypocrite, _ ” Mary said in that same tone of voice Tony used. 

“You think he’s gonna be smart?” Tony asked, handing Mary a loofa. 

“I mean, probably. Genetics and all that. It’s really not all that important that he is, though,” Mary said.

“Right,” Tony said. “Of course not. Brains aren’t everything.”

“He’s gonna be a handsome boy, though, I can already tell,” Mary said, booping the baby on the nose. Peter smiled up at her gummily.

“Gonna be chasing girls away with sticks,” Tony muttered. Mary snorted.

“Or boys,” Mary said.

“Lord, I hope not,” he said. Mary narrowed her eyes at him.

“Haven’t you had hookups with guys before? And boyfriends? What do you care?” Mary asked, voice edging on dangerous. 

“Yeah, and I also got harrassed all the time for it, too. Got my ass kicked one too many times as well. Plus I always have to worry about Howard finding out and  _ actually  _ killing me. It’s not fun.”

“The world’s changing,” Mary said with a shrug. “Maybe Petey won’t have to worry about that, should he be…gay, or bisexual, or whatever.”

“Maybe not,” Tony admitted. “I hope not.” 

“And if he is, if anyone messes with him...” Mary said thoughtfully.

“They’ll have the wrath of Stark Industries lawyers raining down on them.”

“Hell yeah,” Mary said, grinning. “Hand me that towel - yeah, the ones with the llamas on it, he likes that one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are my inspiration! I love reviews for my fic - whether its something i need to improve, something i need to add on to, whatever. and i'll answer all questions, so long as it doesn't spoil the outcome of this fic - and even if it does, if its not a major thing, you can just PM me. My tumblr is @I-dont-even-know-yall. 
> 
> again, please leave reviews. the most recent chapter im writing is a bit of an angst trip, and I LOVE writing angst, so expect the next chapter soon :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for: Mentions of drug use and addiction. Mentions of drug withdrawal.

“I don’t like this,” Mary said. 

“We’ve stalled long enough. We had to go back at some point. It’s only temporary, Princess.”

“I know. I just...”

“I get it. But if it makes you feel better, I can handle him during class time, no one even has to know he’s yours, and-”

“I’m not  _ ashamed  _ of him, Tony.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You implied it.”

“I literally didn’t - y’know what, it doesn’t matter. Let’s just get through today.”

“Right,” Mary said. “Right. Just gotta get through today.”

“That’s right,” Tony said. “And we only have to stay in school for a few weeks, until the papers get through. Everything will be  _ fine. _ ” 

“Right,” Mary said. She sighed. “We should make up a schedule. Y’know, for who gets Petey when.” She pointed to said boy, who was strapped to his father’s chest via a baby carrier. His fluffy brown curls were in disarray, and he was drooling on the fabric of the carrier, big brown eyes fluttering slightly in sleep.

“Uh, I get him Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays? You can get him on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And then we’ll switch the next week. And we can both watch him on weekends.”

“Sounds great,” Mary said. “So...” She stared at the gates leading into MIT’s campus. “Who gets him three days a week this time?”

“I’ll take him,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “I know you have a lot of classes today. I got it.”

“Right,” Mary said, clapping her hands together. “Let's get to the dorm, then-”

“Oh my God, hurry  _ up, _ ” Rhodey said behind them, holding two suitcases and looking like he was done with their bullshit. “We’ve got places to be and classes to attend, people!” He pushed past them, heading toward the dorms. Mary and Tony followed him, looking sheepish. 

They reached the dorm, Rhodey heading to his room and Tony to his. Shoved to the side, on Tony’s opposite wall that once harbored a bookcase he never used, was a twin bed with plain sheets and a quilt for a blanket. On the third wall, next to the door where his desk used to be, was a new crib. It was plain white with little yellow polka dots painted on, and there was a soft yellow blanket embroidered with duckies in it, as well as a rattle and a small stuffed duck. They had learned pretty quickly, after Peter’s first month, that the boy likes anything soft or vaguely duck shaped. They’d set the crib and twin bed up the previous weekend. 

His little boy was four months old now and it absolutely blew Tony’s mind. He wasn’t much bigger than when he was first born, but his hair was longer, and he was growing more and more aware of his surroundings. He could sit up with no difficulty now, his eyes were constantly darting around whatever room he was in, trying to take in a million things at once. Whenever he sat on the floor for tummy time, he was always flailing his chubby little legs and arms around, trying to move forward. Tony was always worried about that, worried that once he  _ did _ learn to crawl he would over exert himself - his son’s lungs were, and always would be a concern - but Momma Rhodes had waved his concerns off and told him to let Peter develop at his own pace.

“Just so you know,” Mary said, “if you bring anyone back to the dorm, I better not be in the room.”

“Pssh,” Tony said. “I think I know better than that. I’d probably go back to their place. But...” He shrugged. “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that. I’m trying to leave my ‘fuck-anything-that-moves’ ways behind me. No more drinking, no more drugs… Gotta fix myself up for Pete, y’know?”

Mary smiled at him, making her bright blue eyes seem brighter, crinkling the skin around them. Tony knew that when she was older, her skin would be lined with wrinkles - crows feet and smile lines. Not like his mother, who hadn’t shown enough emotion in her life to have any wrinkles of the sort. Her blemishes were brought on by bottles of pills, acid to melt life away, xanax to make her float above everything, antidepressants and anxiety medication to numb everything else. Her skin was sallow and yellow, hanging off her face, her eyes dull and lifeless and glazed.

Maria had always been on drugs, he knew, ever since she married Howard. He wasn’t even sure if she had stopped when she was pregnant with him. He has a distant memory, more sound than picture, in the back of his mind. His father talked to Obie about how he’d had to pay off the hospital not to call CPS when Tony had tested positive for drugs. 

But Tony had never blamed his mother for that. Never, not even when she couldn’t talk for days, or when she was screaming and sobbing and writhing on her bed because her prescription bottles had ran out, not even when she had overdosed on antidepressants and had to have her stomach pumped. He forgave her, even though he wasn’t sure whether the overdose was an accident or not.

He’d forgiven her.

He hadn’t forgiven Howard, who’d been the one to keep supplying her with the pills in the first place.

He shook himself out of the memory as Mary walked up to him, taking a sleeping Peter from the holder and laying him gently in his crib. Tony couldn’t help but smile.

Mary looked at the watch on her wrist. 

“Fuck,” she said, quietly but vehemently. “I’m gonna be late for class. You got him?”

“Yep,” Tony said. “I’ll be back from my lessons at three.”

“I’ll be back at two thirty. I’ll see you then.” She hugged Tony, blew a kiss in Peter’s direction, and grabbed her bag, running out the door. Tony checked his watch.

Long enough for Peter to have a good nap and for him to relax a bit.

He pre-made two bottles and stuffed them into Peter’s go-bag, along with some mashed apricots. They’d just gotten Peter on solids. Then, he grabbed a dozen diapers and wet wipes, as well as another onesie and a beanie and mittens, and a tiny pair of sunglasses, and shoved those in the go bag too. He also grabbed a box of Cheez-Its, because he got hungry too, dammit. 

Then he collapsed on his bed and stared at his ceilings, stretching out against the pillows and counting down the seconds of peace he would get before Peter woke up and needed attention.

That didn’t last long.

Tony tried not to sigh, standing up from his bed and heading over to his son’s crib. He was rubbing at his big brown eyes sleepily, whimpering as he wiggled around in the crib. Tony picked up the stuffed duck from the crib and waved it in front of the boy’s face. His son smiled at him gummily. Tony couldn’t help but smiled back. 

“Hmm? You like that, Duckie?” Peter’s grin widened, and he started wiggling, reaching for the stuffed animal.

“Eh? You like that name, huh? Duckie?” The baby squealed. “Yeah, yeah, I got it, honey.” He handed the baby the stuffed toy, leaning against the crib and watching fondly as the baby roughly petted the duck’s fabric.

_ I think he’s at least trying to be gentle,  _ Tony thought idly.  _ Still, never getting a pet for this one.  _

He picked the baby up, setting him down on the floor and sitting in front of him. 

“You just don’t want your daddy to have a moment of peace, huh, Pete?” he said as he changed the baby’s diaper. He tosses it, and it lands straight in the bin.

“Oh! And he makes the shot!” Tony said, cheering quietly. “Thank you, thank you everybody, I’d like to thank my son, Duckie, who provided the diaper-”

And then pissed  _ everywhere.  _

“Well,” Tony said. “That’s a first.” The boy giggled. Honest to God  _ giggled.  _

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” Tony asked. “I bet you were holding that in, saving your ammo, huh, Duckie?” The baby made a movement that Tony could call a shrug, if he didn’t know better.

“Hilarious,” Tony said, grabbing clean jeans and a shirt from his suitcase. “You should be a comedian.” He changed quickly, grabbing a clean diaper and a red and blue onesie, and got Peter ready. He checked his watch. 

“Time to go, little buddy,” Tony said, strapping his son’s carrier to his chest before grabbing said child. Then he grabbed his school bag and slung it over one shoulder. 

“Ready for your first day of college, Duckie?” Peter blew a raspberry. “I’ll take that as a yes. Let’s go!”

His first class of the day was chemistry. They didn’t usually mess with chemicals on the first day, so Tony didn't have to worry about his son’s safety. He stepped into the classroom, which was empty save for the teacher, and took a seat at the back of the room.

“Mr. Stark,” the teacher said. “I heard you’d be in my class.”

Tony winced. His reputation seemed to have preceded him.

“Look, sir-”

“I don’t mind if you bring your child into my class,” the teacher said. “All I ask is that you leave him with a trusted adult on lab days.” Tony blinked.

“O-of course, sir,” Tony said. 

“I also expect you to take my class seriously. You might have a child now, and you might be young, but I’ll hold you to the same standard as all of my other students.” Tired college students began filtering into the classroom. The teacher turned away from Tony, watching the watch strapped to his wrist as the minutes ticked down. 

The other kids stared at him. 

Tony tried to ignore them. He ran fingers through his son’s thick hair, who seemed to be gnawing on his stuffed duck.

_ Yep, _ Tony thought.  _ This kid’s not getting any pets.  _

The teacher stood up from his desk to introduce himself. 

“My name,” the man said, “is Malcolm Vardaan.” He wrote his name on the chalkboard in blue chalk. 

Malcolm Vardaan was a black man who appeared to be in his mid thirties. He dressed smartly in black slacks and a white collared shirt with no tie. His hair was cut short to his scalp. 

“Now, I’m not about to call a bunch of college students ‘Mr’ and ‘Miss’,” the professor said, “so it is completely understandable that you do not offer me the same titles. Malcolm, or just Vardaan is fine.

“There are things you need to know about my classroom,” the man said. “I will not tolerate harassment or bullying of any kind, to my students or myself. If I hear anything of the sort, you will be out of my class immediately. No exceptions.

“Rough housing, too, will not be tolerated. We may be dealing with dangerous substances during the lab time of this classroom, and if you put yourself or your classmates in danger, or I feel you are not responsible enough to handle lab time, you’ll be watching and taking notes as everyone else works with the fun stuff for the rest of the year.  _ No. Exceptions. _ ”

“My office hours are from three to eight, if you need help with your assignments, or if you just need to talk to someone. Please, feel free to drop by.” Malcolm clapped his hands together.    
  


“So. Now that that is done - a little test, to check where everyone’s progress is,” Malcolm said. “I’d like you to take out a piece of notebook paper. On one side of the paper, I’d like you to list every element you can call to your mind by name and, if you want, their atomic numbers and masses. Then, on the other side, I want you to list every chemical you know of and the compounds that make up that substance. Don’t worry, this isn’t for a grade. Even if you leave the paper blank, I’ll understand. This class is for learning about chemistry, and I can teach it to you even if you don’t have prior knowledge. Understand?”

There were scattered nods throughout the classroom.

“Great,” Malcolm said. “You have ten minutes. You may begin…  _ Now. _ ”

Tony leaned forward determinately, bracing a hand on Peter’s back so he wasn’t jostled, and began writing, not particularly caring about the state of his hand writing as he wrote. He managed to write down every element in the periodic table and two sheets of compounds before the teacher called time.

“I’ll collect your papers at the end of class,” Malcolm said. “Please make sure you’ve left your name on them.”

Tony thought Malcolm was a pretty good teacher. He was always interacting with his students, helping them when they needed it and offering encouragement the rest of the time, and even though he was fair, he didn’t take anybody’s bullshit.

The rest of the class passed with Malcol going over the first chapter in their textbooks, voice carrying over the rows and rows of desks. Peter grew bored quickly, and had fallen asleep in his carrier, leaning forward and drooling on his desk. Tony sighed, and hoped no one noticed.

The class ended just as Peter began getting fussy with hunger. Tony shushed him, grabbing his backpack and Peter’s gobag before running out the door to his mechanics class. Once he reached the classroom, he dropped his stuff by a random desk and got Peter’s bottle out, lifting him out of the carrier and cradling him as he ate.

“There you go, Duckie,” he murmured, watching with faint amusement as Peter tried holding the bottle on his own. After a while, the teacher cleared his throat, and Tony looked up. The teacher, a balding man with round spectacles, raised an eyebrow.

“Is it going to cause a disturbance?” the balding man asked. Tony’s head cocked to the side.

“‘It’?” he asked, voice edging on dangerous.

“The child. Is the child going to cause a disturbance?”

“ _ He _ is well-behaved, sir,” Tony said. “Don’t you worry about him causing a disturbance.”

“Good,” the man said, nodding. “The first time he starts crying, you’ll have to leave the classroom. I can’t have him disrupting others’ learning time.”

Tony smiled, though it felt - and probably looked - forced. 

“Of course, sir.”

The man’s name was Mr. Burns and Tony absolutely despised him. He had a droning voice that managed to make even his favorite subject boring, and Tony almost wanted to switch majors so he could get out of his class, despite the fact that he would get his degree in mechanical engineering in just a year. That was the effect the man had.

Peter fell asleep within five minutes of finishing off his bottle and Tony looked at him with envy. 

The class couldn’t end soon enough.

**~-~**

Whispers followed him as he walked down the hallway. Glances in his direction, elbows digging into sides as people pointed him out to their friends, snickers hidden behind textbooks or hands. His son was oblivious to it all, perfectly comfortable with sitting in his carrier quietly and trying to get a good look at everything, at all the people. He thought he heard a few cheerleaders say that his baby was cute. They were damned right. 

He had a free hour for lunch, and then another for study hall, both of which he would probably spend talking with Mary and Rhodey. When he stepped into the cafe, he spotted them immediately, at the same table they had frequented over the last two years and would probably sit at for the next two. 

He sat across from Mary, next to Rhodey, and the man clapped him on the back. His fingers were rough with callouses. His hair was cut short. There were now muscles lining his arms, stomach and legs. He grinned. Basic training for the air force had certainly changed his appearance, but it hadn’t changed who Rhodey was.

Tony took Peter out of his carrier and handed him to Mary. The baby fussed, having been woken up. 

“Come on, Duckie, it’s just your mommy,” Tony murmured, handing him to his friend. 

“Duckie?” Mary asked quizzically. 

“Found a nickname,” Tony said with a grin, standing to get his food. The whispers still followed him.

Tony tried not to let it bother him.

Pretty soon, some cheerleader would get a drunk tattoo, or one of the frat boys would get expelled, or some sex rumor would go around, and all of this would blow over. It had to.

Jarvis was right. He just had to be hopeful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p l e a s e comment.


	18. Chapter 18

Rhodey didn’t often hate his life choices. He was rather glad about the life he’d lead so far. He had three amazing sisters, three rambunctious nephews (yes, he was counting Peter, shut  _ up _ about it), and two parents that loved him. As well as two true friends he could honestly say he’d do anything for, and who, he knew, would do the same for him.

He was happy. 

Unfortunately, that happiness in his life decisions seemed to have shattered the moment Rhodey had agreed to watch Peter for the day since both of his parents had lab days booked back to back, and he was left without a single class. Peachy. 

He could do this. Maybe.

He repeated it like a mantra, over and over in his head. 

Until his nephew managed to spill ink from a pen he had been gnawing on all over his clothes - all of them, not just the ones on his body. And Rhodey had to take the boy with him to the store to buy more.

Usually this wouldn’t have vexed Rhodey at all. On the contrary, he was glad for the excuse to get out of the dorm. And he would have thoroughly enjoyed his trip.

Had he not lost Peter in the middle of a Target.

  
  


**~-~**

Tony came home to his best friend on the phone, trying random numbers in the phone and leaving screamed messages. Tony raised an eyebrow. He heard a shifting movement from the corner of the room, where there sat a stroller. A chubby foot shot out and began kicking around. It looked different, like the skin color wasn’t quite right, but Tony figured it was just the lighting.

“How’s my Duckie been today?” he asked as he walked toward the baby. “How are you, buddy-”

He cut himself off abruptly. Because that was not Peter.

“Rhodes,” he said, turning around. Rhodey jumped, as if just noticing he was there. “Where. The fuck. Is my son?”

Rhodey grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You see, Tones-”

“Don’t you ‘Tones’ me, James Robert Rhodes!” Tony said. “Where is Duckie? And who the  _ hell _ is that in the stroller?” Rhodey didn’t answer. “Dammit, Rhodey,  _ where is Peter- _ ” The baby in the stroller began crying, but Tony continued yelling at Rhodey. 

“If you’d just let me  _ explain- _ ”

The room in the dorm opened. Mary walked in. She raised an eyebrow. 

“Why aren’t you taking care of Petey? He’s crying-” She walked over. Stopped.

“WHAT THE FUCK-”

“I know!” Tony said. He turned to Rhodey. “Rhodes. Where. Is. My. Boy.”

“Tony, I’m sorry, man, I’m so sorry-”

“What happened?!”

And so Rhodes launched into his tale.

**~-~**

_ Rhodey had gone to the nearest Target, a crowded building full of dense crowds of shoppers, most of them broke college students looking for something cheap. Why they would try and find that at Target, Rhodey didn’t know.  _

_ He’d headed straight for the baby clothes section, his wallet already weeping at the sight of all the prices. Peter, sat in his brand new stroller, was kicking his feet happily, wiggling chubby fingers, a little ball of excitement just waiting to be unleashed on the world. Rhodey almost dreaded when the boy would learn how to walk. _

_ “Whatcha want, kiddo?” Rhodey asked, leaning against the stroller. He rolled past the onesies, trying to find one in Peter’s size, and Peter stuck his hand out of the stoller and grabbed a stack of yellow ones.  _

_ “Peter!” Rhodey said, grabbing them from the boy. He looked at them. Yellow, and with ducks and pineapples printed on the front. Of course.  _

_ He grabbed them, walking forwards again before running right into the woman in front of him. _

_ “Watch where you’re going!” the woman snapped, bending down to pick up the clothing she’d dropped. _

_ “God, I am so sorry-” He bent down to help her, but she waved him off, picking up her own clothes before grabbing a stroller and walking away, muttering under her breath about reckless young people.  _

_ Rhodey sighed, tucking the yellow duckie onesies under one arm and walking to the front to pay for the clothing. It was only when he’d gotten back to the dorm that he realized he’d taken the wrong stroller.  _

**_~-~_ **

“How did you not notice you’d grabbed the wrong kid when you put it in the car seat?!” Mary demanded. Both her and Tony looked like they were close to hyperventilating and the baby in the stroller, who they didn’t know the name  _ or _ the gender of, was still wailing. 

“I don’t know! All babies kinda look the same to me, I guess. Not to mention I was busy trying to figure out how the damned car seat worked!”

“Rhodey, how do you just  _ miss  _ something like this?!” Mary demanded. She pointed at the baby. “The baby is black! What the fuck?! How do you not tell the difference?!”

“Guys, I’m so fucking sorry-”

“Oh my God oh my God oh my God,” Mary and Tony chanted in unison, Mary sitting down on the floor with her hands covering her face and Tony pacing the room restlessly, panicked brain thinking of every bad thing that could be happening to his son rather than thinking of ways to get him back.

“Look,” Rhodey said. “We could just report it to someone- or go back to the Target and see if the woman is still there-”

“When did you leave the store?” Tony demanded. 

“... around an hour ago.”

Tony wheezed out a sharp breath. 

“YOU’VE BEEN HERE FOR AN  _ HOUR?! _ ”

“Look-”

“Nope. I can’t. You’re never babysitting again. Holy shit, Momma Rhodes was right, I wouldn’t even trust you to look after a  _ rock- _ ”

“Tony-”

“That is, if I ever get the kid back in the first place. Y’know, if I don’t get charged with fucking  _ child endangermont- _ ” 

“Tony, let’s just call the police,” Mary said from where she was sitting on the floor. “They could send the word out, I’m sure the baby’s mother has already found out about Peter-”

“Right, right,” Tony breathed, running a hand through his tufty hair. “Jesus  _ Christ,  _ Rhodes. Why the Hell were you even in Target?!”

“Peter ate a pen-”

“ _ We left you baby food in the mini-fridge- _ ”

“I didn’t  _ give it _ to him!” Rhodey said, looking scandalized. “I was doing homework and holding him because he was fussy, and when I was focused on a problem he grabbed a pen and fucking  _ bit down on it _ and got ink all over his clothes, and all of his clean clothes that were on the desk-”

“So you took him to Target… to get him new clothes...”

“Yes, they’re in that bag over there, but that’s not the point, the  _ point is- _ ”

“ _ RHODES YOU COULD’VE JUST TOLD ME, I WOULD HAVE ORDERED MORE- _ ”

“Well, I’m beginning to realise that  _ now- _ ”

“Jesus fucking  _ Christ,  _ Honeybear….” He sat down on the floor next to Mary, mimicking her earlier position by putting his face in his hands. “Jesus fucking  _ Christ... _ ” 

“I’m really sorry, Tony-”

“Rhodey,” Tony said. His hands were shaking as he rubbed at his eyes, and his face looked drawn and slightly pale. “Just…. Just call the cops, okay? Or- or whoever we need to call. I don’t-”

“Yeah, right, of course,” Rhodey said, darting off to find the phone. He picked it up from the receiver - Tony  _ hated  _ having to carry around his own phone and Rhodey was sure that his own was long out of battery - and dialled in the number for the local police station. 

The cop spent half the time laughing at him for being so stupid, and the other half lecturing him, before telling him that they had been about to put out an Amber Alert for the little girl in their possession - apparently her name was Michelle - and they started rolling her out of the apartment and to Rhodey’s car. Now that Michelle wasn’t crying, she looked utterly unimpressed with the adults around her.

_ She has a great resting bitch face….  _ Rhodey thought idly.  _ Resting baby face. _

Rhodey snorted, and Tony, Mary, and the little girl all seemed to be glaring at him. Rhodey winched. 

Tony locked the little girl into the car seat expertly before climbing into the back seat, Mary sitting up front with Rhodey. Rhodey started the car, the steering wheel vibrating under his palms as he peeled out of the parking lot. There was a tense silence in the car, even from the baby in the back who, by the expression Tony was making, was glaring at his youngest friend. 

Rhodey ignored several traffic laws to get to the police station as quickly as possible, and there was immediate laughter from everyone in the building as they walked in. Tony was pushing the stroller, and looked extremely uncomfortable. A white woman who appeared to be in her early twenties and a black man rushed forward, unclipping the baby from the stroller. The man hugged his daughter close, mumbling something in her little ear, and the woman glared at them as she handed off Peter. 

“Um, thanks,” Rhodey said as Mary and Tony fussed over their son, Tony pressing kisses to Peter’s hair and face and Mary looking like she was on the verge of tears as she held her son close. “Um. You have a beautiful daughter.” Rhodey saw Tony clap a hand over his mouth to stop his laughter before it could bubble past. 

_ Great,  _ Rhodey thought.  _ That didn’t sound creepy at all. _

“Um.” He wiped his palms on his jeans. “We should, uh. Probably be going.”

The woman nodded.

“Right. Uh. Bye.”

They left the police station to raucous laughter from behind them, and Mary climbed in the back seat with Tony, Tony in the middle per usual and Mary by the window. 

Rhodey heard Tony whisper “ _ You’ve been on quite the adventure today, huh, little duck? _ ”

And he really had. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looking back at this chapter, it's almost underwhelming when I think about the angst fest that's coming soon. It's like getting whiplash. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one. It was more of a filler chapter than anything - a bit of silliness and good fun watching Mary and Tony run around like headless chickens before the next wave of angst comes through. Get ready for that lol.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this, as least. I like comments. And maybe a couple theories about the angst in the next few chapters? >:)


	19. Chapter 19

It didn’t take long for Tony to forgive Rhodey. What could he do, stay angry at him forever? 

Rhodey had apologized at least a hundred times, to both Tony and Mary, and even a couple times to baby Peter. Of course, Tony had been reluctant to forgive him at first - who wouldn’t be? The scare with Peter had rattled him to his very bones, making him hold the little boy just a little bit longer, show his son a little more affection. And of course, little Peter ate it all up, smiling that no-teeth smile he always had on whenever his father was nearby.

After all the awkwardness over Rhodey’s mistake had passed, things went relatively back to normal, though Rhodey seemed to be fully embracing his new role as Peter’s ‘uncle’. 

It was kind of endearing, honestly. Rhodes brought Peter back little toys every once in a while - usually of the duck variety, big surprise there -, played with the boy whenever he wasn’t busy with his homework, and overall made things a million times easier on Tony and Mary. 

They’d been back in school for almost a month now, and Peter was just a week or so away from being five months old. At this point it seemed like whenever Tony blinked his boy was another month older. Tony and Mary could tell the boy was close to crawling with the way he swayed back and forth on the floor, small cries of frustration over not being able to move turning into an odd look of determination on the boy’s face. 

Tony wasn’t sure how they were going to keep up with the boy once he started crawling. 

The papers for Mary and Tony’s new home couldn’t go through fast enough. 

**~-~**

The rumors, much to Tony’s dismay, only seemed to grow. People debating who Peter’s mother was, wondering why Mary had Tony’s child every once in a while - Tony  _ still _ wasn’t sure how they hadn’t put that together yet - and Mary seemed to be more and more upset and stressed out as the days passed. Tony did all he could to abade the rumors and make her feel better, but even he could admit he was getting frustrated.

Tony had never been popular at MIT. That’s just what happens when a random fourteen year old shows up one day, smarter than all the rest and with the Stark name hanging over his head like a plague. No one seemed to want anything to do with him - no one really wanted to go near the son of one of the most powerful men in America, not even for possible future business deals. 

The most he’d ever really interacted with people was when he went out to parties. That, and when the more bolder students’ wariness of him faded, replaced by jealousy and anger. Tony couldn’t count how many times Rhodey and Mary had had to drag him out of whatever fight he’d gotten himself in, after they’d all gotten close. 

Just like when he’d first arrived at MIT, everyone ignored him, preferring to do their speculating from afar rather than just ask him whatever questions were on their mind.

And, just like before, the bolder students gained the confidence to start something. 

**~-~**

Tony, Rhodey and Mary were walking across the campus grounds, done with all their classes and ready to collapse into their shared dorm-room. All three had a lab day, Peter switching between the three teenagers so they could do their work without worrying about an infant. 

Tony was holding Peter, feet dragging as he walked. There were small groups of students scattered around the grounds, some talking to each other idly, others with their noses buried in textbooks thicker than their heads. 

Tony walked on, not particularly noticing who was around him, Mary and Rhodey flanking him on either side. 

“It’s a wonder he even has a kid at all...” Tony heard a voice say, just a little too loud to be a private conversation. “What with him being such a faggot, and all.”

Tony scoffed, continuing his steady pace with determined strides. If they wanted to get a rise out of him, they’d have to try harder than  _ that _ . 

“Wonder if it’s genetic,” the voice continued. Tony’s pace slowed, just slightly. “His little bastard probably has AIDS or something.” There were chortles from behind him. Tony breathed in through his nose, slowly, before moving to step forward again. It didn’t matter. 

“If the kid didn’t get anything from Stark, he definitely got something from whoever his mother is,” a different voice said. “Only a  _ whore _ would get in bed with someone like  _ Stark _ . Who knows what the kid got from a skank like that.”

Tony felt a hand shoving at his shoulder, urging him forward. Rhodey. Tony looked up at him, apprehension and righteous anger making his head foggy. 

“Tones,” Rhodey said. “Tones, just ignore them, man, they ain’t worth it.”

“Baby’ll probably end up being a little freak just like his dad,” the voice continued. “A little fucking freaky  _ faggot. _ ”

Tony stood up a little straighter. He wasn’t angry, he felt nothing at all, and there was only one thing on the sixteen year old’s mind. 

“Mary,” he said. “Hold Pete.”

“W-what?” Mary said, surprised. “W-what are you gonna do-”

“Just hold the baby, Princess.”

Mary looked up at him. Saw something in his eyes that seemed to jostle her out of her confusion. She nodded, taking the infant from him and holding him close. Tony gave the boy a kiss on his forehead, turned on his heel, and marched toward the offending student before Rhodey could reach out and stop him. 

His pace picked up. 

He stopped in front of the other student, looking up at him. He was taller, at least a foot taller than Tony, and he looked like he was at least twenty. Tony felt the anger come back, tingling in his fingertips, turning his ears red, making his eyes burn.

“Awww,” the older student said. “Is the little faggot sad? How ‘bout I-”

Tony didn’t let him finish.

He reared his arm back, and jammed his elbow to the side, hard, straight into the older student’s stomach. 

The air left the older boy in a sharp  _ whoosh.  _ He looked up at Tony. Grinned.

“You’re gonna regret that.”

And then Tony was on the ground, and there were shouts all around him, and someone was pinning him down, fists pummeling into his face over and over and over, and he lost all comprehension of time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter. the angst BEGINS.
> 
> Its a little short but the next couple chapters are probably gonna be some of the longest I've written for this series.
> 
> Comments make me a happy boi.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: violence, bullying, panic attacks, physical injuries, blood, and hospitals.

Pain was a funny thing, because it could be good or bad. A pinch to the inside of his arm could keep him awake long enough to complete his homework. A kick to his shin from the other side of a lunch table could bring his attention back to whatever conversation he had been having. Pain could bring adrenaline, which in turn made it easier for Tony to fight back against whoever was hurting him. Or at least dull the pain. 

Or it could be bad. There could be no adrenaline at all, only a deeply present ache that settles just under his skin. There were points when the pain was so bad he couldn’t possibly feel anymore. When his head went fuzzy and disoriented but everything else felt clear and sharp. 

That was what it felt like now, as blow after blow rained down. Tony could feel every scrape running down his arms, legs and face, every bruise blooming on his torso. He could  _ feel _ his eyes swell shut, making everything blurry and red. He could feel something warm and wet running down his face, out of his nose and mouth, down his arm, legs, torso. He couldn’t tell where all the blood was coming from, only that there was quite a bit, though not quite enough to be worried about negative effects yet. 

There was a hit, right in the middle of his chest, hard and heavy, and then Tony couldn’t breathe anymore, left wheezing on the ground. He coughed and tried to breathe and coughed some more, and felt more blood seep past his lips. 

It felt like it would never stop. Felt like it had gone on for hours already. His arms and chest were going numb from the pain and he could feel his heart throbbing in his chest.

Through the ringing in his ears, he could hear grunts of effort nearby, a man’s screams of his name, a baby’s cries, a woman’s sobs, and Tony just hoped his family was okay. 

There was a sudden blinding pain in his side, and for a moment, Tony actually wondered if the other student was trying to kill him. Why wasn’t anyone  _ doing anything? _

The blows stopped suddenly, and Tony’s body slowly untensed as he relaxed against the ground. His face pressed against the concrete sidewalk, and he felt so tired so suddenly he could’ve passed out right there. The aftershocks of the pain hit him suddenly as a semi truck, and he felt his eyes burn as his side ached smartly. It felt as if a sharp piece of glass was digging into him.

He didn’t think he had the energy to stop the tears from falling down if he tried, and decided to just ignore them as the pain continued. It felt like every bone in his body was broken.

_ Probably not,  _ Tony thought once his mind was clear enough to do so.  _ I’m still alive... _

He was too tired to move. Even twitching his fingers left him pained and tired.

Two sets of rough hands grabbed him, and Tony tried to fend them off, albeit weakly. He groaned as he was turned over onto his back, and let out a small scream as his side pressed into concrete. His shoulders shook slightly, and his wheezing breaths as he cried didn’t exactly help his side. 

He couldn’t see well out of his swollen eyes, and his breathing picked up again as someone shook his shoulder slightly. It wasn’t rough, the person was probably trying to be careful, but even the small action left his shoulders aching, and it felt all too similar to something else, something that had happened almost five months ago- 

“D-don’t- g-g-get awah-away...” he said, voice nigh incomprehensible due to the blood in his mouth. He thought he might have lost a tooth, or maybe his lips were just split. He hoped it was the latter. 

His body curled up on itself without his permission as someone tried to grab him again, to get him to sit up, and it just made his heartbeat more erratic, his breathing faster. 

Why couldn’t they just  _ let him go.  _

Past and present seemed to bleed together, for a moment. He couldn’t tell if he was there, at MIT, or with his father. Couldn’t tell whether his broken body was because of some stupid bully or because Howard was drunk and angry again. 

“L-l-let me  _ go, _ ” he said, pushing at the hands. “P-please no, let me go, l-let me g-go, l-let me go….” 

The hands left. Tony pressed his hands to his ears, still choking on wheezing breaths. 

After a while, it didn’t take long for darkness to claim him.

**~-~**

When he woke up, there were fingers running through his hair. He thought he was in a bed, maybe his own, maybe not. Both of his sides were warm, and something was laying on his chest. Someone rubbed patterns into the knuckles of his hand. 

He could hear shuffling across the room. A heart monitor beeped.

A hospital, then.

The pain was there, but it was dull, a little pressure in his sides, shoulder, face. His eyes were less swollen, though it still hurt when he opened them. He shifted slightly, and the hand in his hair stalled before starting back up again. Whatever was laying on his chest shifted slightly. 

“Tones?” a voice murmured, and Tony blinked rapidly, trying to clear the last dregs of sleep from his vision. He looked around.

Mary was laying on the edge of the hospital bed, and she was the one holding his hand. Rhodey was on his other side, hand still buried in his hair. Peter was laying on his chest, staring up at him with big brown eyes, not knowing what was going on but knowing that his daddy needed cuddles.

“Hey,” Tony croaked, and his throat burned from how dry it was. He winced. “W-water…. Water, please.”

There were two people standing in front of his bed, two men. His teacher, Malcolm Vardaan. And a man who Tony didn’t recognise, but looked vaguely familiar. Brown hair combed to the side, softly tanned skin and big green eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses.

“I’ll go get it!” the brown-haired boy said. His voice was deeper than Tony had been expecting, but he was quite obviously very young. He could tell just by how the boy carried himself, by how he shifted on his feet awkwardly. The faint traces of fat from childhood still in his face. He couldn’t have been older than nineteen.

“What… what happened?” Tony asked, still dazed and confused. Malcolm crossed his arms, looking serious and stern, though there was a softness behind his brown eyes. 

“You got into a fight,” Malcolm informs him. “Your ribs are severely bruised, one of which was fractured. You have a mild concussion. There were so many contusions and cuts on your body that, when the paramedics came, you were laying in a pool of your own blood. You’re covered in so many bruises you look like Barney the dinosaur. You have a broken nose, and split lips. You also bit through your tongue. It’s a wonder you aren’t worse.”

Tony blinked. The memories came back, flashes of sound and colour and pain, warm liquid seeping into and pouring out of his mouth, the taste of iron.

“Ok...” Tony said, swallowing. He winced. His throat hurt. “How.. how long have I been out?”

“Not long,” his teacher said. “About half a day. Your son was very distressed, as was your girlfriend and friend.” He said it as if the three other people weren’t in the room.

“S-she’s not my girlfriend,” he said on reflex, before coughing. The boy returned to the room, handing him a bottle of water that was cold against his hands. He fumbled with the cap before Rhodey took it from him, opening the bottle and guiding it to his lips. He would have guzzled down the entire thing if not for Rhodey reminding him to take slow sips and taking away the bottle when he didn’t listen. 

He’s lucky to have a friend like Rhodey.

“Am I in trouble?” he asked. Malcolm shifted slightly. 

“That depends on your side of the story,” Malcolm said. “The boy you hit, Kyle, says that your attack was completely unsolicited. Mary and Rhodey spoke in your defence, but no other witness did. The severity of your punishment depends on what you did.”

“I.. I was walking back to my dorm,” Tony said. “And… and I heard that boy talking to his friends, really loud. Asked if my baby had… had AIDS, because I’m queer. Um… and then he said that he probably got something from Mary, called her a whore.” He thought for a moment. “Said that Pete would probably end up being gay, since I am. Said it was probably genetic. Said he’d end up being a freaky little faggot. Then I elbowed him and the stomach, and he beat the shit out of me.” 

He looked up. The bespectacled boy looked a little uncomfortable, like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be a part of the conversation, and Malcolm had a grim look on his face.

“If he had been in my classroom, I’d have had him expelled immediately,” Malcolm said, “for discrimination and aggravated assault. But, I hold little authority in that conversation.” He thought for a moment.

“Kyle will probably be expelled. Or suspended, at least. You’ll more than likely be left with a few detentions or the like, considering you didn’t leave a mark on him and you look like you just got hit by a truck.” Next to him, Rhodey snorted. Malcolm smiled slightly. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Just try not to get into any more trouble.”

“O-of course,” Tony said, surprise bringing out a stutter in his voice. 

“Yes, yes, whatever,” Malcolm said off-handedly. “Now that I’m finished here, I’ll be taking my leave… feel better, Stark.”

“I’ll try,” Tony said. The professor turned to leave. “Thank you, sir,” he called. The man nodded at him over his shoulder in response. 

“I-I’ll leave too,” the boy said, before practically feeling the room. Tony would’ve raised an eyebrow, had he not known how much it would hurt. 

“What’s up with him?” Tony asked, relaxing back into the pillows on his hospital bed. Peter shifted slightly on his chest, and Tony scooted him up slightly so his head was tucked under his chin, wincing slightly as the baby’s shirt rubbed against the cuts on his arms. 

“He’s just an anxious person, I think,” Rhodey said, still running a hand through Tony’s hair, sometimes tugging at the strands at the back. Tony hoped he never stopped - it made every sore muscle in his body relax.

“But who  _ is _ he?”

“I think he said his name was Richard,” Mary said. “Richard Parker. He helped split up the… fight.”

Fight. More like massacre. 

“Hm,” Tony said. “Are you guys okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he?” 

“No,” Rhodey said. “Don’t worry about that. His friends just held up back to keep us from getting to you. Mary almost dropped Pete when they grabbed her, scared the Hell out of him.”

Tony frowned.

“Did those mean boys scare you, Duckie?” he asked, looking down at the drowsy baby. Peter yawned in response. Tony kissed the crown of his head and rubbed his back as he slowly drifted off to sleep. 

The three friends talked idly for a while, and Tony didn’t ask whether they did it for his benefit or not. Really, he was grateful for the distraction. The distraction from the pain, the memories of the fight that were slowly coming back, his mortification over having what was probably an anxiety attack in front of half the school.

Tony wondered how long it would take before Rhodey or Mary asked about that. Wondered if they would ask about it at all. Had he even told them about the incident with Charlotte? Had Charlotte told Rhodey?

His eyes felt heavier the longer he lay there, and Rhodey and Mary’s voices got quieter once they noticed he was starting to nod off. 

Eventually, his need for sleep won out, and he drifted away, his slumber dreamless.

Years later, Momma Rhodes would show little Peter a photo, taken after she’d come to visit Tony. All four of them, asleep in a hospital bed, Rhodey’s head leaning against his, Mary tucked under his arm, and Peter still fast asleep on his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst has only just begun, i'm afraid. but ill add a couple chapters of family fluff after this.
> 
> and i promise, this isn't just unnecessary whump. this story arc is an important part of Tony's character development and lets you in on a little more of his backstory. This might be extreme, but i've known people who've gotten the shit beat out of them by bullies before and i have BEEN beaten up by bullies before, so this is MAINLY based off that.
> 
> Comments make me a very happy human being.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: panic attacks, mentions of child abuse, mentions of child neglect, mentions of drug addiction

It took way longer than Tony had expected to heal and recuperate. 

Books and movies don’t tell you this, but a broken rib  _ hurts _ . 

He couldn’t move his arm without his side crying out in pain, and he had to be careful when he moved lest the rib get worse and puncture his lung, something he did  _ not _ want to experience. 

That didn’t even begin to touch on the pain in his face. His nose was swollen so much he looked like a clown, his eyes ached unbearably every time he blinked, and every time he held his son the boy seemed to make it his duty to run his hands all over his bruises and cuts. Tony thought Peter was  _ trying _ to be comforting, but it still hurt like Hell. and he refused to take the pain medicine the doctor had prescribed. 

Everything hurt like Hell. His ego stung from humiliation, his heart hurt from not being able to hold his baby, and his body hurt from all his injuries. It felt like every part of his mind, body and soul was beaten and battered, and he was hopeless to fix it, only able to let time heal all his wounds.

He was allowed to stay in the dorm, now. He was lonely. The principal insisted upon him taking a week off of school to recover before returning to his classes, and Mary always took the baby with her to classes so he wouldn’t bother Tony, but it only succeeded in making him more depressed.

He had absolutely nothing to do. He didn’t really like watching television, and he had read all his college textbooks already. He wasn’t allowed out of his bed so he couldn’t reach anything else, even if there  _ was _ something else to do.

His mind felt fogged, a mixture of boredom and depression and constant twinges of pain. He supposed he could just sleep, but he was at the point where he was simply too tired to slip away. 

One thing that Tony absolutely hated about himself - whenever he was bored, or sad, or tired, his mind took him places he didn’t want to go. Memories of living with his parents, the children at this old school, Jarvis, all the ‘friends’ who had abandoned him. And once he started thinking about all those things, it was nigh impossible to stop, to get his mind back in safe territory.

Mary and Rhodey couldn’t come home soon enough. 

**~-~**

When his two friends came back from their classes that day, Tony was curled up on his bed, holding a pillow close to his chest and staring at his wall. He didn’t really feel like moving. Every time he tried to move, the twinges in his side pulled back. When his face screwed up at the pain, it just made more pain erupt from his nose. It was a Catch-22 all around. So he didn’t move, not even to say hello to Mary, Rhodey and Peter when they walked into his room.

“You okay, Tones?” Rhodey asked upon seeing him. Tony didn’t answer. Hugged his pillow tighter.

“Do you need your pain medicine?” Mary asked, reaching for the bottle on the nightstand. “The doctor said you had to take one pill every four hours or so.”

“I don’t need pain medicine,” Tony said. 

“Oh, did you already take it?”

“No.”

Mary sighed.

“Tony, you’re gonna keep hurting unless you take your pain meds.”

“I don’t need the medicine.”

“Tony.”

“I don’t need the medicine. I don’t want it.”

“Tony, can you at least  _ try _ to be mature about this? If the medicine will help you-”

“Mary. I said I don’t need the medicine.” His skin was buzzing, anger building up somewhere in his chest.

“Mary, maybe you should-”

“No, I don’t understand why he won’t take his pain pills! If it’ll make him feel better-”

“I’m not a fucking pill-head, Fitzpatrick!” Tony snapped, turning away from the wall to face them abruptly. He hissed, clutching his side as it gave another sharp ache. His nose gave a sharp twang of protest a moment later. When he reached a hand up to hold it on reflex, a scabbed over scrape on his arm split open. Little drops of blood dripped on his sheets.

Peter, who was being held by Rhodey, whimpered. 

Mary stepped forward, holding a tissue she’d gotten from who-knows-where.

“I’m fine!” he said, trying to sit up. “I don’t need help. I’m fine.” Mary looked unsure as to what to do.

“I can take care of myself,” Tony stressed. 

“I don’t think you can,” Mary said.

“I’m sixteen years old, Mary,” Tony said.

“Yeah. And you just worked yourself up and now you’re bleeding and in pain, and you refuse to take your pain meds.”   
  
“I don’t need the medicine,” Tony said, feeling like a broken record. His head was starting to hurt. Hadn’t the doctor said  _ not _ to get in stressful situations? 

“You’ve never had any qualms against taking pain medication before,” Mary pointed out. “And now, you really  _ do _ need some. Come on, Tones.”

“I’m not. Taking. The medicine. You can’t make me.”

“You’re acting like a child, Tony!”

“And you’re being a nag!”

Mary frowned.

“I’m just  _ worried about you, _ Tones.”

“Well I don’t need anyone worrying over me! You’re not my mother, Mary! Worry about yourself for once! J-just get out! Get out of my room!”

“Tony-”

“Get the fuck out! I don’t want you here! Get out!  _ Out! _ ” 

Peter started wailing quietly, and Rhodey bounced the boy, rubbing his back soothingly. Mary glared at Tony, turning on her heel sharply and leaving the room. Rhodey grimaced before following. Tony fell back against his bed as the door clicked shut behind Rhodey and his son.

He shouldn’t have said that.

_ Why _ had he said that? He wasn’t even angry anymore. The buzzing in his skin had died down from a roar to small after-shocks of annoyance, quickly replaced by guilt and regret.

He’d just yelled at Mary Fitzpatrick. One of the  _ nicest _ people he’d ever met. 

“Oh God, what have I done...”

She could leave him. Take away his boy. She was smart. Probably smarter than him, in some things. If she wanted, if he pissed her off enough, she could take Peter and leave, and he’d never see either of them ever again. 

His chest felt tight and his heart felt like it was a drumming tattoo needle against his sternum and he wanted to scream, in frustration or pain or fear he would never know, because why was this happening  _ again.  _

Something niggled at the back of his mind. A word, an instruction, something the nurse had said to him, when he’d had an attack at the hospital. Breathing exercises. Relax. Breathe. Relax. Breathe. 

A little too late, he realised he had rolled off the bed, landing on the hardwood floor with a  _ thump _ . Vaguely, as if far away, he felt an aching pain erupt from his side, but he was too focused on breathing to really notice. A hand clutched at his shirt, at his chest, as he tried to take in sharp, gasping breaths. 

The door opened, slowly at first, before being flung open as Rhodey and Mary ran in. his friends dropped down to the floor next to him, one on either side, and they looked lost as to what to do. Rhodey looked so overwhelmingly confused, and Mary’s eyes were red and glassy, as if she was about to cry, and Tony  _ still couldn’t breathe. _

_ Breathing exercises. _

He just had to practice the breathing exercises.

But how could he breathe when it felt like his chest was being crushed?

He didn’t want to pass out again. It had been bad enough, humiliating enough, the first two times. He just had to breathe. He had to breathe. He could breathe. 

His hands clenched into fists. He tried to take in a breath. 

_ One, two- _

It gasped back out of his lungs in one stuttering  _ whoosh.  _

He felt like crying in frustration.

A warm hand took his, and another hand landed on his shoulder. A solid weight. It was comforting, almost. 

There was a voice. It felt like background noise, like it was being murmured from far, far away. Nothing would come into sharp clarity any more, nothing except his racing heart.

His hand pressed against something, warm and solid. The warm and solid something lifted up and down under his hand, slow and exaggerated.

_ “Just match my breathing, Tones. Come on. Breathe.” _

He tried. He got a little farther before all the air fled again.

His spare hand shot up and yanked at his hair in frustration. A hand, smaller and softer than the first, reached up and disentangled the hand from his hair, rubbing patterns on his knuckles, just like when he woke up at the hospital.

_ “It’s okay, Tones, it’s okay. Let’s try again, yeah? Come on, you can do it, man.” _

He tried again. A little farther still. His lungs, slowly expanding, making room for new air that, a moment before, they had so vehemently denied. 

Four seconds before he failed again. 

He wanted to yank his hair again, but the hand that held his was stronger than him, at least in his current state. 

A strangled sound of frustration. Tears fell, making tracks down his face.

“ _ It’s okay, Tones, it’s okay. You’re doing great, man, you’re great. One more try, okay? One more try... _ ”

He tried to remember what he’d read about attacks like these, after the first one.

He breathed in for four seconds. 

Held it for seven seconds.

Let it out slowly, though it took all the control he possessed, for eight seconds.

“ _ That’s it, man. Come on, come back to us, you can do it. _ ”

He repeated the cycle for the next couple minutes, his heart rate slowing as he did so. His shoulders slumped. He became uncomfortably aware of the pain lancing up and down his side. He felt too tired to wipe at the tears on his face.

His head fell back, leaning against the side of his bed. Rhodey dropped his hand from where it was held against his chest. Mary didn’t let go of his hand, instead continuing to draw pictures on his knuckles, his fingers, his palms.

He felt cold.

He didn’t notice he’d been shivering until Rhodey wrapped a blanket around his shoulders. 

He was so tired. So overwhelmingly tired.

His eyes slipped shut, and he turned his mind off.

He felt two sets of hands grab his arms, stand him up. He didn’t even feel his side’s protests anymore. He was laid on the bed, and the blanket was pulled from his shoulders and laid over him. 

He felt a hand push back hair from his face as he fell asleep.

**~-~**

When he woke up, the room seemed colder and darker. Orange light leaked in under his door. Mary was nowhere to be found, but Rhodey was sleeping in a chair by his bed. From the other side of the room, he could hear soft breathing coming from Peter’s crib. There was an ache coming from his side, a bit worse than it had been before, though it was still bearable. 

All his memories came back at once.

The attack. The argument with Mary. His frankly irrational panic over Mary taking Peter away from him and leaving. 

Mary and Rhodey had seen him having a panic attack.

They’d seen it before, of course, at the fight. But that could have easily been attributed to him panicking over the pain.

Easily put aside. Ignored. 

They knew now. Rhodey had done breathing exercises with him, for God’s sake.

What was he supposed to do now? What would  _ they _ do? Logically, he knew they wouldn’t stop being friends with him just because he had panic attacks, but there was still that niggling bit of doubt at the back of his mind. 

Would they walk on eggshells around him now?

Would they think he was crazy?

Would they try and get him medicated? Like his mother had been, with all her antidepressants and anxiety meds?

Would they want to  _ talk about it? _

Tony groaned miserably, rolling over and sticking his face in his pillow. Next to him, Rhodey snorted awake, flailing about in his chair as he tried to gain purchase over himself. Tony had to stop himself from laughing.

“Tones?” Rhodey said groggily, rubbing at his eyes. “You awake, man?”

Tony thought about saying no, pretending to be asleep for as long as he could. Maybe Rhodey would have accepted that, gone back to sleep as well, and he could avoid the inevitable awkward conversation for as long as possible.

But he didn’t really want to do that. 

“Yeah,” he said, voice muffled by his pillow. “Where’s Princess?”

Rhodey shifted awkwardly.

“Uh, she left. A little while ago. I don’t know when she’s coming back.”

Tony sighed.

“I really fucked up, huh?”

“No. Well, yes,” Rhodey said. “You yelled at her. That wasn’t cool. But she also shouldn’t have tried to make you take the medicine when you didn’t want to. So you were both wrong in that situation, honestly.” Tony hummed. 

“... am I allowed to ask?”

“Gonna have to ask you to be more specific, Honeybear.” He knew what he was saying. What he was asking. So what if he wanted to delay it a bit. 

Rhodey took a deep breath.

“Why...” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Why didn’t you… want to take the pain medicine?”

Tony blinked. Turned on his back, slowly, and stared at his friend.

“That’s what you’re asking? Really?”

“Seemed like the more pressing issue,” Rhodey said, shrugging.

“And…. you don’t want to know about the freak out. Or anything else.” 

Rhodey shrugged.

“Not really. I know what an anxiety attack is-” Tony flinched “- what I don’t know is why you refuse to take your medicine.”

“.. oh.”

“Yeah,” Rhodey said. “‘Oh’. Tones, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, you’ve never really… had that big of a problem with taking drugs.” Tony frowned. “Not that I’m judging you!” Rhodey said, quickly. “You’re a college student, and you never really developed a problem for them. But...” He shrugged. “This shit is basically strong Aspirin. Like, it wouldn’t even make you sleepy. Just a little dazed, at most. And you refused to take it, even though you and I both know you need it for your ribs.”

“I don’t.”

“You  _ do, _ ” Rhodey said. “You’ve gotta be in an unimaginable amount of pain, and you still refuse to take the fucking medicine. Even though the doctor said it was fine. What the Hell?”

“I just don’t want to.”

“But  _ why.  _ You’ve never had a problem with this kinda stuff before-”

“That was before Peter.”

“But it’s not even anything strong, and it’ll help dull the pain and help you sleep-”

“ _ I just don’t want to get hooked on this shit, okay? _ ”

He winced. Tried to control his volume more.

“I don’t… I can’t get reliant on this shit. Alright? Do you get it? I can’t, Rhodes.”

“I highly doubt you’ll get hooked on Ibuprofen.”

“It’s the principal of the thing, Rhodes.” Rhodey raises an eyebrow. “Look, I…. I got a son now, Rhodey. I’m a  _ dad. _ ” Rhodey doesn’t say anything, making a ‘go on’ gesture. “I… I’ve gotta do my best for him. I haven’t drank since I found out Mary was pregnant. Haven’t had any drugs either, not even pain medication for a headache, and- I’ve been doing good, Rhodey. Other than the shit they gave me when I was at the hospital, I’ve been doing  _ good.  _ I gotta be here. For  _ Pete.  _ My… my parents are never there for me.”

He shrugged. “That’s the simple truth of it. Howard was always either working or drinking and… and Mama… God, Rhodey, she didn’t even know where she  _ was _ most days. She couldn’t  _ move,  _ she couldn’t  _ talk.  _ I doubt she even remembers my name most of the time, or my birthday, or...” He rubs a hand across his face. “I can’t  _ be like that,  _ Rhodey. My parents… they never gave me a lot of support. Partly because they’re just… not good people. Partly because of the shit they took. I’m just trying to break the cycle of shame.” 

Rhodey stared at him. His jaw was clenched, something in it ticking, like it always did when he heard about Tony’s parents. Clenched fists. Stiff shoulders. The skin on his face pulled taught, like he was trying to mask his expression. The little tick in his jaw, a sure sign that his teeth were grinding. 

Ton could read Rhodey like a book. And James Rhodes was pissed off.

“That is...” Rhodey seemed to be looking for the right words. “Utter bullshit.” Tony raised an eyebrow. “No, seriously, it is. I’m sorry Tones, but that’s the  _ dumbest  _ thing I have ever heard you say. Which, by the way, is saying something.”

“Look,” Rhodey said. “The first time I met Peter? He was so tiny. He looked so tiny, and frail, and I wasn’t sure how… I wasn’t sure how something that small could be  _ alive. _ But he was. And you...” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Tones…  _ Tony,  _ when you looked at that little boy… It was like there wasn’t anyone else in the world. You still look like that, today. Because you  _ love _ that boy. That is  _ your _ boy, and it is so obvious that you would give the moon to that kid if he asked for it. And it’s obvious to everyone that you love him unconditionally.

“Tony… I’ve only been to your house once. It was the summer after our first year, remember? Mary wasn’t there, since she’s not in engineering, but we were working on a project. You remember that one? The one for the radio?” Tony nodded. “Your dad was in his lab almost the entire time, and your mother was there, but she wasn’t… she wasn’t  _ there,  _ y’know? She was just… sitting there. Humming, I think. And for as long as I stayed there, every night you’d take her to her room, tuck her in, tell her you loved her… and she’d just stare at you. And even the next morning, when she was less… y’know, and you said good morning to her, she wasn’t… the way she  _ looked _ at you Tones, that’s not love. She… she looked at you like you were a  _ stranger. _ ” Tony could feel his eyes burning.

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear this.”

“No, Tony,” Rhodey said. “I’m tired of… of all of this, okay? So you’re going to listen to  _ me  _ now, not the other way around. You help me when I need it, let me help you,” Rhodey said. He didn’t wait for an answer from Tony, who looked flabbergasted. “Later, when Howard went upstairs for food. And we were in the kitchen, eating those gross tomato and cream cheese sandwiches that you like for some reason… and he looked at you, and he said… God, Tones, I’ll never forget this for as long as I live… he said ‘Stop wasting time and get back to work. You have more important things to do than lazing around all day.’ As if you hadn’t just gotten done with an eight hour working binge. Which he would have  _ known _ if he’d bothered to come upstairs. And you didn’t even look at him, man. You just… you just threw away your food and said ‘Yes, sir’ and the way he  _ looked  _ at you…. That’s not love. It’s  _ not _ , Tones. And you say that you have to do better, to break the cycle of shame, but you’ve already done it. Just by  _ being you. _ Just by loving that boy. If anything, I’d say you’re already ten times the parent Howard and Maria Stark are  _ already. _ ”

“Rhodey...”

“You didn’t want Peter. Of course you didn’t. You were fifteen years old when you found out Mary was pregnant. He was an unplanned pregnancy. But you weren’t. Howard  _ knew _ he needed an heir, needed someone to take over for him when he’s dead. And even though you didn’t want him, you love that boy to death. And even though Howard wanted you, he could never look past the ways you could better his company to even see who you are as a  _ person. That,  _ Tones, is the difference. That cycle of shame was broken the first time you laid eyes on Peter. Because you  _ love _ him. You love, and you care, and you would do  _ anything _ for that boy, and Howard and Maria couldn’t  _ dream _ of loving  _ anything _ half as much as you love that baby boy. Just the fact that you made an effort to stop drinking and taking drugs is testament to that, because they  _ never _ tried to do that with you. And I am so,  _ so  _ proud of you for that. But you’ve gotta think about yourself too, in this.”

Rhodey grabbed the pill bottle off the nightstand.

“You broke a rib. You have a concussion. A broken nose. Bruises, everywhere, and cuts. And if the doctor says you need the pain killers… I promise you, I swear to God, nothing bad is going to happen if you take them. You’re in pain. Just take the medicine, Tony.”

The amount Tony had cried this year alone was beginning to get distressing. But he nodded, wiped at his eyes, and held out his hand. Rhodey shook out two pills, and Tony’s side ached as he bent his hand up to down the pills.

Maybe Rhodey and Mary had been right about him needing the pain killers. 

Tony laid on his back on the bed. After fifteen minutes, he could feel the pain in his side and his face and his  _ everywhere _ slowly fade away. It still hurt, he could tell, but it was more the  _ knowledge _ that it was hurting than actually feeling the pain.

Rhodey shifted in his seat, head leaning back against his chair.

“Rhodey?” Tony said. Rhodey cracked open his eyes.

“Hmm?”

“Thanks.”

Rhodey nodded. And that was that.

**~-~**

Tony would always have to live with the doubt in his mind, that he wasn’t a good parent, that he was slowly turning into Howard Stark’s carbon copy. But that was okay. Because he’d always have his brother there, to ease his doubts when they came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave reviews! i love them! p l e a s e!


	22. Chapter 22

Mary didn’t come back to the dorm for a while. 

It was like their last year all over again - Mary and Tony fight, Mary goes missing, and Tony has to deal with the twisting sense of anxiety in his gut while Mary is who  _ knows _ where.

But this time, he had a baby to worry about, so he couldn’t voice a lot of his anxieties aloud. 

It was a weekend. Mary had been gone since the night before, her absence hanging heavily over the dorm room. Tony could barely feel the pain in his side anymore, thanks to the painkillers, and could now sit up in bed with little pain or difficulty. 

Rhodey stayed in Tony’s room, most of the time, probably not wanting Tony to be alone. Peter spent his time happily sitting in either his father’s or his uncle’s laps, content with playing with their fingers and gurgling nonsense. Tony wished his life could be that simple.

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know, Tony.”

“Will she come back?”

“I’m sure she will, Tony.”

“When?”

“I don’t know, Tony.”

Peter, his little Duckie, seemed to be far more observant than any of the teenagers had given him credit for. Whenever Tony felt especially nervous about Mary’s disappearance, Peter would lean against Tony’s chest and pat his cheek - covered in patches of peach fuzz, since he hadn’t gotten around to shaving it in a while - lovingly, smiling that gummy smile that made Tony feel like there might actually be some good in the world. 

That, of course, didn’t stop Peter from missing his mother. 

Sometimes Tony would catch Peter staring at the front door sadly, his face - unusually expressive for someone his age - pulled into a pout, and it made Tony wonder just how much Peter  _ knew.  _ About his situation, about his parents’ torments. 

Peter cried a lot more that day. Every time Rhodey walked through the door, he’d perk up excitedly, bouncing in place slightly, before seeming to deflate in on himself when he realised it wasn’t his mother. 

It broke Tony’s heart, just looking at it - and knowing it’s partly his fault. 

_ I’m so sorry, please come home, please come home… _

**_~-~_ **

Mary walked around town, guilt and anger and  _ something _ swirling around in her belly. She wanted to cry, to rage, to rip her hair out, to  _ yell  _ at someone, and she didn’t even know  _ why.  _

She didn’t know why she was angry with Tony. Maybe it was because of the argument. Or maybe she was angry at herself, for pushing him into whatever… whatever  _ that _ was, and she was projecting her anger onto  _ him _ , and that wasn’t healthy, what the hell was she  _ doing- _

She sighed, sinking down, leaning against the side of a building. 

She didn’t think she could handle going back to the dorm. She didn’t  _ want _ to. She didn’t have any money on her. No extra clothes. Nowhere to go.

She picked herself off, dusted off her jeans and started walking again, with more purpose this time, despite having no clue where she was going. She’d know when she saw it. 

And what she saw was a park. A small park, with a swing set and a couple slides, that was relatively empty. The sun shone off the plastic swing sets. A bench, right on the edge, painted green and clean. 

She walked into the park, sat down, and breathed. 

She could stay here. For the next few hours. And then she’d figure out how to proceed from there.

**_~-~_ **

Mary didn’t know how long she had been sitting there before someone - a boy, maybe a little older than her - sat next to her. Brown hair, the colour of dirt, combed to the side. Sun-kissed skin. Green eyes, wide with knowledge, obstructed under a pair of glasses, though that did nothing to hide their beauty. 

Mary could honestly say there hadn’t been many occasions in her life where she’d looked at a boy and thought,  _ Beautiful.  _ Not even with Tony who, while handsome in an odd way (if a bit goofy looking) that teenage boys could somehow manage - all gangly limbs and soft faces and pointed noses -, had never really piqued her interest. Even before they became friends and she’d placed him firmly in the ‘off-limits’ category. And she’d had his kid, for God’s sake. 

But this boy. This boy was  _ beautiful.  _ And familiar. 

“Richard?”

“Oh, so you remember me!” His voice was deep, deeper than anyone his age’s voice had a right to be, and he grinned slightly. A pull of the lips, just enough to show a flash of teeth, and Mary could feel her ears turn red, and she was suddenly very happy her hair was down. 

“Of course. You’re a hard man to forget, Mr. Parker. After what you did for my friend, I could never forget you.”  _ Okay, that sounded creepy. _

Richard laughed. And Mary felt like she was going to pass out.  _ Stop it, heart, you traitorous bastard! _

“That’s fair, I guess.” He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it slightly in a way that boys always seemed to think looked better. Mary had to stop herself from snickering.

“So. I’m gonna assume you’re a student at MIT and didn’t just appear randomly.”

“Yeah,” Richard said. “In my last year. I started a little early.”

“Right, right. Me and my friends did too. We’re all in our third years. Me and Rhodey will be able to graduate next year, but Tony’s gonna stay another year I think - maybe two. Depends on how fast he gets his credits.” Richard nodded.

“So. You said you graduated young - how old are you?”

“Eighteen,” he responded, shrugging. “I started three years ago, when I was fifteen. I’ll be nineteen when I graduate.” Mary hummed.

“Got it. What’s your major?”

“Chemical engineering. You?”

“Biochem.”

“Biochem? And in your third year? You’re, what, sixteen? That’s pretty impressive.”

“Yeah, I guess. My parents are… were, pretty proud.” Richard frowned, and it looked unnatural on his face.

“‘Were’?”

“Uh, they’re pretty pissed at me right now. But we were having a pleasant conversation! Let’s not get into the tragic backstory dump.”

“Okay…. Oh, what do you know about physics-”

**_~-~_ **

Mary ended up wandering back to the dorm with a dopey smile on her face and a phone number in her pocket. She ended up walking back a lot later than she had expected, so caught up in her conversation with Richard Parker.

As she opened the door, Rhodey - who was sitting in the living room, hands clenched, looking exhausted - looked up at her.

“What the fuck have you been?” he demanded. Mary blinked. 

“Around town. Why?” She took off her coat, hung it up, and kicked off her shoes.

“Why didn’t you come back?” he asked, still looking livid. 

“I got caught up in a conversation…. Why?”

“You can’t just leave like that!” Mary laughed disbelievingly. 

“I’m sorry, when did you become my father?” Rhodey crossed his arms. 

“Tony has been a  _ mess  _ all day. The kid’s exhausted. He took a nap earlier, had a nightmare, the first name that came out of his mouth was  _ yours,  _ he wanted  _ you,  _ and I couldn’t help him because I had  _ no clue where you were! _ ”

“He’s a grown man, Rhodes. He doesn’t need me helping him when he has a nightmare.” Rhodey stared at her, disbelieving.

“Are you fucking with me right now?” he asked incredulously. “Mary, you know how that boy is. He  _ needed _ you. And he’s not a grown man. He is sixteen. Years. Old. He’s a  _ kid.  _ And he’s younger than us in- in a lot of ways, and he  _ never _ asks for help with this stuff and you  _ know _ why he doesn’t, and he  _ needed  _ you, and you  _ weren’t here! _ ” Mary frowned.

“You wanna know what your baby did all day? You know, the one you left here?” Mary shook her head. It looked reluctant. “He was the  _ saddest _ I’ve ever seen him. Every time the door opened, he thought it was you, and he looked so  _ happy _ until he saw it was just me, and then he looked like he was about to cry. You wanna know why he didn’t?” Mary didn’t move. “Because he knew his dad wasn’t doing well, even if he’s only a baby, and he knew he couldn’t cry when his dad wasn’t doing well.”

Mary felt a tidal wave of guilt hit her.

“Tony thought you left because of him,” Rhodey said. “His freak-out? That was a panic attack. Why did he have a panic attack? His brain convinced him that you were going to leave him after the argument you had. And what did you do immediately after he had a panic attack? You  _ left. _ ”

“I shouldn’t have. I know that. But I was still angry after the argument and I didn’t want to-”

“He’s terrified, Mary.” Mary blinked. “Tony? He’s terrified he’s gonna turn into his mother, or his father. That’s why he didn’t want to take the pain medication. He was convinced if he took any drugs, prescribed by a doctor or not, he’d turn into an addict like his mom. He thinks he’s just like his parents.” Mary’s eyes widened. “ _ Yeah. _ ”

“I- I didn’t know-”

“Well you should’ve stuck around to find out. You can’t just- you can’t just  _ leave _ like that, Mary. That’s not how this works. You can’t just run out every time things get rough. You and Tones have a baby now. You have to make this  _ work. _ ”

“I- right, of course, I-”

“I know you’ve noticed,” Rhodey said. “Tony is _different._ He’s changing. Ever since he found out you were pregnant, since Jarvis, since his… Since _Howard._ He’s not the same as he was before. He’s _different,_ Mary, he’s _changing,_ and I think he knows it, and that’s confusing him and making him doubt himself and he needs our _help._ Especially when he asks for it. What he doesn’t need is you leaving every time things get heated.” 

Mary nodded.    
  
“Okay… Okay, you’re right. I.. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I’ll… he’s trying. And I’m gonna try too.”

Rhodey nodded.

“That’s all I ask.”

“Should I…?” She nodded toward the bedroom door.    
  
“I’m honestly confused as to why you’re still talking to me right now. Go sort things out with your boys.”

Mary nodded, and turned towards the door.

They had a few things that needed sorting out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay. it's been a hectic couple days and that combined with a migraine the size of kansas made writing a little difficult.
> 
> in any case, here's the next chapter. enjoy. 
> 
> friendly reminder. organisms need food to live. my species is the might Fanfic Writer and comments is my food source.

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter is a little choppy, and for that I apologise. this chapter was mainly for setting the story up. the next few will move more fluidly. please comment and tell me what you think!


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